SingleParentPath

Three No Nonsense Ways of Dealing with Worry

2012-02-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

To a degree, everyone worries, somepeople worry in nearly every situation. Whether things are good or bad, theyworry that this situation would surely get worse. Understand that worrying is adrain on your energy and enthusiasm and if uncontrolled, it can be a terribleburden to your existence. How you handle worry can determine whether you aregoing to live a happy, normal life or one filled with neurosis and negativism.

The good news is that any situationwhich can be used to generate worry can also be used to generate hope.Psychologist have found that worrying is simply a matter of choice and is unrelatedto the events in our lives. In fact, some people experience worry more than 10times as often as others, and, not surprisingly, they reduce their likelihood ofhappiness by 64%.

Here are the three no nonsenseways to deal with worry:

First, concentrate your energy ontoday. Effort that can be used to solve today's problems is wasted when youworry about tomorrow; and to make matters worse, most things that people worryabout never materialize. James A. Garfield, the 20thPresident of the United States, once said," I have had many troubles in mylife, but the worse of them never came." Chances are that if today'sproblems are handled in an efficient manner, they will not only make you moreconfident to handle tomorrow's problems, but also may have a minimizing effecton those problems.

Determine if you have immediatecause for worrying. Ask yourself, "Can the things I am worried aboutmaterialize?" What will happen if they do? Do they represent real dangers?Can something be done about it today? If nothing, then force yourself to attendto matters at hand.

Second, assuming that you have causefor worrying: what is the worst that can happen? Lose your health? Your job? Isyour family, prestige, or self-esteem in danger? It is of particular importanceto the final step that you identify the worst that can happen. If thisidentification process indicates no real dangers facing you, then concentrateon the real problems of today, rather than the imaginary ones of tomorrow.

Third, after considering the worstthat can happen, then now is the time to do something about your worries bycontemplating methods of handling them. When real danger faces you, more goodcan be accomplished by outlining alternative courses of action rather thanworrying about the dangers, and when no alternative exists then face theproblem squarely.

When you get caught up in yourworries and anxieties, take these three steps: live for today; consider theworst that can happen; and then do something about it. You will findyourself living a happier life.

What You Need to Know About Depression

2012-02-14T20:28:00.000-08:00

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Just about everyone gets the blues from time to time -- that feeling of sadness or grief that usually results from unpleasant life experiences. While many people refer to the blues as depression, however, true clinical depression is as different from the blues as pneumonia is from a head cold.

The blues is a temporary and usually normal reaction to stressful life situations with single parenting typically presenting even more of these type of situations. However, most cases don't involve physical symptoms, loss of self-esteem, or suicidal thoughts, and the negative state usually passes within a few hours or days.

Depression on the other hand, is an intense, pervasive and long-lasting disorder of mood that attacks the body as well as the mind, often resulting in serious problems in work, social, and physical functioning. Unfortunately, some people don't recognize depression for the serious illness it is. They think of it as a personality flaw, a sign of weakness or a character defect.

To go further in depth, depression occurs in at least three different dynamics.

People in the first category are chronically depressed. Depression is built into them and may be passed from generation to generation.

The second dynamic concerns lasting grief that occurs after a severe loss. Its severity is entirely subjective but might occur with the loss of a child, spouse, or loved one, an amputation, mastectomy, a sizable career setback, or loss of functioning brought about by disease or trauma.

The third dynamic involves loss accompanied by anger. People who have unresolved issues with a departed loved one often do not know that they are angry. This despair can set in after messy divorces or after a close relative or friend passes away. Since they are not able to deal with these problems by interacting with the object of their anger, they take their antagonism out on themselves instead.

Loss is the common element in all three dynamics. It could be a loss of time, an object, an idealization of an object, or a person.

Symptoms of depression often include disturbances with sleep, appetite and body weight, energy, concentration, and sexual functioning. There is frequently excessive guilt, feelings of worthlessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, and, in severe cases, thoughts of or attempts at suicide.

Some depressions are the result of a chemical imbalance and may only be treated by anti-depressant medication, some require psychotherapy, and still others a combination of methods.

Those with chronic depression can't be helped except by antidepressants. In these cases, psychotherapy may be of little help and a poor use of time and money. Time helps a person who has suffered a severe loss as well as an involved other person who listens to the aggrieved as he or she gives words to the pain. This does not necessarily have to be a therapist, but if there is not a strong support system, treatment is very necessary. Finally, only a strong guide can help people whose loss is accompanied with anger move toward slow recognition and safe expression of their real feelings.This is usually the only path out of melancholy.

The good news is that more than eighty percent of depression sufferers can be treated successfully.

If you or someone you care about is depressed, seek help now by contacting a qualified mental health specialist.

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The 5 Most Important Things You Can Do to Stay Healthy

2012-02-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

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The current crisis in American health reflects the premise that curing disease is the essence of health. However, as evidence accumulates that modern medicine is not as good at curing today's killer diseases as society is at creating them, it appears that a more useful approach to health and wellness would be one that emphasizes health eating and prevention as well as treatment.

This article discusses the five most important things that I personally do and hope you are willing to do to stay healthy and well.

Here they are:
1. Be Familiar with Your Health Condition
Knowing more about your health, both when something ails you and when you feel fine, helps you to live a healthier lifestyle. It reduces your fears of health impediments to your quality of life. People who take an active interest not only in their illnesses but also in their overall health are 15 % more likely to feel that their health problems are not reducing their satisfaction with life.
2. Eat Grapes and Oranges and Drink Both Grape and Orange Juice Regularly.
The bioflavonoids (chemical compounds related to vitamin C) in grape juice interferes with the process by which cholesterol sticks to arteries. Regular consumption of grape juice reduces the likelihood of clogged arteries and lowers the risk for heart disease and strokes. Vitamin C, found in many fruits including oranges, also inhibits the process of artery clogging as well as lowers blood pressure. Regular consumption of vitamin C is found to reduce the risk of heart attack, stroke, and premature death.
3. Have a Tomato in Different Ways.
Unlike most fruits and vegetables, the tomato retains its health effects in any form - cooked or raw. Include some form of tomato product in your diet whether it's canned, raw, cooked, in soups, sauce, ketchup or juice, at least five times a week. This provides enough lycopene ( a member of the protective and immunity-building carotenoid family) to cut the risk of cancer and heart disease in half and to improve the health of lungs, eyes, and the skin.
4. Eat Less, But Eat More Often.
If you're thinking about cutting back on the amount of food you eat by cutting back on the number of times you eat, don't do it. Eating fewer times reduces the efficiency of our bodies in processing food as fuel. In other words, skipping meals maximizes the caloric effect of the food we eat. A study found that people who ate five or six times a day had 5% lower total cholesterol and were 45% more likely to be able to sustain their target weight than people ate once or twice a day.
5. Choose a Doctor You Can Connect With.
It is important have a doctor that you can connect with. We need to have a good feeling towards our doctor. This includes knowing that our doctor is truly listening to us and responding positively to our concerns rather than seeing us as just another number. People who rate their doctors as being friendly were two times more likely to seek medical attention at the first sign of distress and were three times more likely to follow medical instructions.

These five simple, but important things, are the essence of what I do to stay healthy. I'm sure they will work for you also.

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Do You Have High Blood Pressure? Here Are 15 Natural Ways to Prevent or Reduce It

2012-02-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

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As the wise saying goes, the best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. Doctor Diet is the focus of this article -- specifically, Doctor Diet in reference to preventing or reducing high blood pressure.

Being a vegetarian for forty-six years and realizing the health benefits from such a life style has helped to make me keenly aware of this serious problem many Americans are experiencing.

In fact, in this country approximately 50 million Americans are currently afflicted with it. Also, it is important to note that one out of every three Americans have a condition that leads to high blood pressure or hypertension and is not aware of it.

You need to get your blood pressure checked regularly and take specific action to prevent hypertension from becoming a factor in your life.

Here are 15 Natural Ways to Prevent or Reduce High Blood Pressure:
1. Eliminate refined, sugary, fried, and fatty foods.
2. Eat foods that are rich in fiber such as vegetables and whole grains.
3. Compute your Body Mass Index by multiplying the weight in pounds by 703; and then divide by your height in inches; then again by your height in inches. You want to stay between 18.5 and 24.9.
4. Take a daily multiple multivitamin to make sure that you're getting the basics.
5. Potassium is crucial. It is found in many fruits, vegetables, dairy foods, and supplements.
6. Emphasize foods with Vitamin C. The less vitamin C in the blood, the higher the blood pressure in hypertensive patients.
7. Boost your bioflavonoids by consuming more fruits, vegetables, and supplement. Bioflavonoids enhance the effect of vitamin C.
8. Hypertensive patients are usually low in calcium. Drink milk and take calcium supplements. Eat more broccoli, spinach, and tofu.
9. When choosing supplements, make sure you include vitamin E. It magnifies Vitamin Cs' blood pressure lowering effect.
10. Include whole oats in your diet more often. Oats lower hypertension.
11. In choosing your spices, go for basil, black pepper, cinnamon, chili powder, cloves, curry, fennel, horseradish, Marjoram, nutmeg, oregano, rosemary, sage, tarragon, and thyme. Some of these antioxidants may directly lower blood pressure and all can substitute for salt.
12. Go to your health food store and get grape seed extract.
13. Get a restful sleep every night. It doesn't matter whether it's four hours, six hours, or eight hours. Just make sure that you are relaxed and mentally at ease.
14. Keep your weight down. A 10% reduction in total body weight will sometimes lower blood pressure.
15. Flat out eliminate all forms of tobacco.

While owning a good health care plan is both important and necessary, choosing Doctor Diet and natural ways to prevent or reduce high blood pressure is equally as important. Choose a good health care plan and choose the natural ways.

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What You Need to Know When Shopping for Health Insurance

2012-02-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

Money can't buy health, but it cancertainly make it easier to stay healthy. As a single parent, for the sake ofyour children, and yourself, you need to stay healthy. Moreover, if you have been sick or injured youknow that it's important to have the right kind of health insurance at theright price. To get to this point, you need to ask the right questions and getthe right answers. There is a lot to learn when shopping for health insuranceand you need the coverage clearly explained to you.

Health insurance coverage refers toa collection of insurance policies and government programs which pays for arange of costs from doctors and hospitals to more specific needs, such as forlong-term care or disability expenses.

This type of policy doesn't justcover medical expenses, it can also provide payment of benefits for the loss ofincome and or the medical expenses arising from illness or injury.Consequently, you may find health insurance under another name such as Accidentand Health insurance. The different kinds of policies vary according to the methodsof underwriting, the type of insurers, types of benefits and services provided,types of losses covered, and amount of benefits available.

So, what about health insurance.In choosing the right type of policy for yourself, begin with knowing some ofthe key common terminology. Here are three terms and their definitions:

Benefit Period - the benefit period defines the period during which theinsured is eligible for benefits. Usually a 90 day benefit starts with eachillness and commences the day the insured is admitted to a hospital and endswhen the insured has not been hospitalized for a period of 60 consecutive days.

Co-insurance - the co-insurance is the cost percentage of the medicalbills the insured is expected to pay. Co-insurance usually constitutes a fixedpercentage of the total cost of your medical covers covered by the plan. If ahealth plan pays 80% every doctor's bill, the remaining 20% is co-insurance.

Deductible - the deductible is the sum of money you must payout-of-pocket before a health care plan reimburses a percentage of additionalcovered medical expenses.

Elimination Period - the elimination period means the period of time, usuallyis expressed in days or months, at the beginning of the confinement in along-term care facility, during which no benefits are payable.

After making yourself familiar withsome of the basic terminology, consider how you will use your policy. If youpractice good health principles - eating healthy, finding time for exercising,managing stress effectively, and getting proper rest - you may properly choosea health care policy with a high deductible and a large co-insurance feature tosave money. You will pay more out-of-pocket for an annual checkup and tests,but you need health insurance and will save money in the long run.

Also when shopping for healthinsurance, consider buying Accident and Critical Illness Insurance. Thepremiums for these plans are low and will compensate for the high deductibleand co-insurance you may have chosen and also give you the protection you needif a catastrophic event occurs.

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Retirement Considerations for Single Parents

2012-02-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

In 1983, the retirement age for Social Security was changed by Congress from 65 to 67 beginning in the year 2000. It was designed to go up steadily so that everyone born in 1943 will have their retirement age increased to 66. It will then remain at 66 for 12 years and then steadily increase to age 67 for workers born after 1959.

Therefore, if you are a single parent born in 1943 or thereafter, your retirement age will be either 66 or 67.

However, this retirement age only pertain to those whose retirement funds are from the Social Security system therefore highlighting the unequal basis of the retirement system in this country. More on this later. In considering your retirement, if you are looking forward to receiving Social Security funds when you retire, realize that there are no funds in the Social Security "lockbox". The fact is there is no "lockbox". It is a complete fiction. Every dollar taken from your salary in FICA taxes is sent to the General Fund and is spent by the politicians as fast it comes in. The Social Security is currently sending out more money than it's taking in. It is hemorrhaging and soon will be completely bankrupt.

It is important therefore as a single parent and the sole support for your children and yourself that you seriously consider and then act on this matter.

Here are three strategies to do so:
1. Let your Senators, Representative, and President know that you realize that the Social Security will soon be bankrupt and that you no longer want to participate in it -- that you want equality in the retirement system and to own your retirement plan rather than be at the mercy of 535 politicians who can decide much you can receive and when you can receive it.
2. While actively engaging in the political process, you must concurrently study the options for building a substantial fund that can be annuitized, partially or fully, and also provide for your children if you experience an untimely death. Some politicians try to frighten you by saying that by owning your retirement plan, you would irresponsibly invest it in the volatile stock market and when it's time for you to retire, you will not have any money to retire on. This is a fear tactic and need to be rejected.
Look up the retirement plan that your Representatives and Senators have established for themselves. Afterwards, let them know that you want to have the same retirement plan that they have. Keep in mind that not only federal employees, but across the country, county, state and municipal employees often can retire as early as age 55 or even younger with roughly 80% of an average of their last three years of income. Tell them that you want to be able to do the same.
3. Finally, realize that once you own your retirement plan, you may have several options that range from choosing highly risky investments to those with hardly any risk at all. In planning for your retirement, stay away from risky investments. Analyze what the pension funds for public employees and what major insurance companies invest their money in. You will see a wide variety of different investments. However, you will find that a majority of their money will be in one sector primarily, bonds. Become knowledgeable of the different types of bonds, and also consider fixed annuities and the guarantees cash value and self-completing feature of life insurance.

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Punishment vs Discipline: A Parent's Choice

2012-01-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

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The terms punishment and discipline are often usedinterchangeably. However, there aresignificant distinctions that need to be made. The importance of understanding and implementing these distinctions whenit comes to raising your children is as important as knowing the differencebetween a thunderstorm with lightning and a gentle rain following a humidsummer afternoon.

Punishment implies that you are imposing your will upon theother person. This type of imposition canrange from harsh physical whippings to verbal put-downs and denigrations. The result is that the child doesn't learnnew behaviors, but how to do hide the unacceptable behaviors so as to avoidthe reaction from the parent. When my brother and I were kids we learned how behavein certain ways when we were in the presence of our grandmother who believed in physical punishment. But when wewere where she could not see us, we behaved as typically mischievous kids who wanted to do what we wanted to do.

Discipline, on the other hand, implies that you are teachingthe child how to behave in a acceptable manner given whatever the situationis. It is teaching a child by example;by withholding privileges and explaining why and how to regain the privileges;and, by praising and encouraging the child's efforts.

When you punish your child you engender fear and resentment. And, when the child is old enough you will get resistance and rebellion, or even worse, a runaway. What you are not likely to get is a child whohas learned how to behave appropriately in social situations and able to makethe right choices when the need is presented.

A disciplined child is one who is likely to make the right choices when temptation occurs; one who has learned how to handle different situations without much uncertainty; and, one who can prioritize his actions.

Take time to discipline your child and stop using punishment. Punishing a child may make you feel powerful, but it is not beneficial to your child. Discipline your child properly and you'll have a child that you'll be proud of and one who will grow up into a strong, self-reliant adult.

That's what you want isn't it?

5 Great Chore List Ideas for Single Parents

2011-12-03T03:37:00.001-08:00

Image by epSos.de via Flickr

In addition to having your children take care of their clothesand personal belongings, you can greatly simplify your life by having them helpwith daily and weekly chores around the house.

Have your kids share the workload from the time they arevery young. Give them moreresponsibility as they get older and are able to do more, but don't expectperfection right away. Show them how youwant things done and praise their early efforts. Remember that it’s going to take them for timeto learn how to do things right. A gentlesuggestion is more helpful to them than impatient criticism.

Here are the five chore list ideas:

1. Chores are an investment.

Children who perform chairs chores have an investment in thefamily home. Unlike guests who enjoy thecomforts of a home but are not part of what makes it function, children who dochores are personally attached to their home.

2. Chores foster skill development.

Parents can gradually increase the complexity and number ofchores their children are accountable for. As children master an array of tasks,they learn many new skills that help them in other areas of their lives. Whenparents take the time to teach their children how to do different jobs, thechildren learn how to learn. They findout they can successfully take on new and different tasks.

3. Chores foster a sense of accomplishment.

Children enjoy a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when theylook back at a job well done. Whenchildren know that their contribution of time and energy has tangible results,they’re motivated to do more. Smart parentsgive their children jobs that have visible results and then comment positivelyon those results.

4. Chores give a feeling of pride.

Lots of encouragement and praise is important. Children may take a long time to complete anew job, and they may find the results lest than gratifying. However, given time, practice, andencouragement, they will keep adding skills to their growing list of abilities. When parents point out their successes, theyfeel proud and big.

5. Chores teach that everyone is expected to contribute tothe family's well-being.

Paying children to do chores puts an entirely differentslant on the issue. Payment tends tocreate the illusion that if children don’t want the money, they aren’tobligated to do the chores. Familychores should be seen as a child’s contribution to family life, not as anoption. The rewards of being animportant part of the family are much more valuable than a few dollars of allowance.Contributing to the smooth running of the family gives children self-esteem,confidence, independence, pride, accomplishment, and mastery of important lifeskills.

Your Comments?

21 More Steps to Get and Keep Joy in your Life

2011-11-29T19:22:00.001-08:00

Image by Alex Abian (Also on flickr.com/alexabian) via Flickr

Write little notes, memos, and reminders toyourself that help you stay organized and do better work.
Learn to think ahead more. It is one of the most valuable tools forhappy and successful living.
Listen to the signals of your body. When you body tires, its lets you knowthis with a variety of clues. Delayingthe rest you need may bring on an illness.
Vacations help you mentally and physically. They provide you with different sights, activities, and things to think about. Don'tskip them.
Vary the place where you eat from day today. This adds interest and variety toyour day.
Browse for an hour or so in a good bookstore, atleast once a month.
Whenever you are disappointed about something,flash your minds back to those times and occasions when you were victorious.
When loneliness threatens to engulf you,remember that you remain in control. Theresources to snap out of loneliness (and the blues) are within you.
You can overcome loneliness by keeping busyand active.
To dream, to learn, to think, to work, and tolaugh forms a sound philosophy of life.
Promise yourself to look at the sunny side ofeverything and make your optimism come true.
Choose a form of exercise you can enjoy. Then exercise that way regularly.
Takefive minutes now and then to daydream about your hopes, interests, goals, andactivities.
Study how others have found the time to do a lotand achieve a great deal.
Take time to play. It is the secret of perpetual youth.
Check into the flea markets in your area. They are relaxing, fun, and informative.
Do something creative even if you only give thirtyminutes or so to it.
For the sake of variety, get up and go to bed ata different hour than you usually do.
Reading can keep before you the vision of theideal, prevent you from being lonely, and open a whole world of enjoyment toyou. If you can read, you are alreadyrich.
Make a list of the things you enjoy. Then add to your list continually. This increases your pleasure-consciousness. And pleasure neutralizes pain.
Get and maintain enough recreational outletsin your life.

Your Comments?

What would you add to this list?

22 Steps to Take to Get and Keep Joy in Your Life

2011-11-29T12:16:00.001-08:00

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1.      Take the time to do those things you feel areimportant for you.

2.      Cultivate the capacity for change, for it is thekey to enjoying your life.

3.      Believe that your future will be an enjoyableone. Say this each day, “Everyday andevery way, I’m getting stronger, better, and more efficient.” and then make itso.

4.      Turn your problems into stepping stones thatwould help you reach your goals.

5.      Spend some time regularly with books, ideas, andmusic. They are mind lifters.

6.      Don't wait for a certain time to be happy, oruntil you have obtained something you want. Be happy today, while you can.

7.      Strive to discover your true talents andabilities. Then develop them as much aspossible.

8.      Try to save more of your income in the comingyears, if is at all possible.

9.      To remain unhappy indefinitely is abnormal. Chronic unhappiness is an illness of themind.

10.  Make each morning when you wake a new beginning– – a new opportunity to make each day a good day.

11.  Happiness comes from within. It is a learned habit of enjoying notnecessarily the big things in life, but all of the little things.

12.  Faith in yourself and in a higher power can workmiracles of love, happiness, and peace of mind in your life.

13.  Life produces for you just what you believeabout yourself.

14.  You will never be lonely if you show people thatyou care about them.

15.  To achieve a more enjoyable life. Start with yourself. Don't expect people of the world to change,to suit your desires and needs. You, yourself,must change.

16.  Learn how to relax. It is far easier to enjoy yourself if youknow how to relax.

17.  Don’t live in the past or in the future. Be ashappy as you can during each day, as it comes.

18.  Fall in love with the joy of learning. Become a continuous learner, for even alifetime cannot scratch the surface of all the interesting things to learn.

19.  Smile and the world will smile with and back atyou.

20.  The world steps aside for the men or women whoknow where they are going.

21. Laughter does wonder for you. It is healthybecause it increases your heart rate and circulation.

22. Use humorto relieve boredom.

Your Comments.
What would you like to add?

For a Simpler Life - Try These Six Guiding Principles

2011-11-12T03:31:00.001-08:00

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The simpler life requires you to figure outprecisely what your idea of heaven is and then design your life asclose to it as possible while you're still on this planet.

Begin with these six guiding principles for a simpler life.

· Principle#1 Relax your standards.

Ifyou are struggling to meet self-imposed standards (preparing for the upcoming holidays are a good example) because you find the effortsatisfying, then, by all means struggle on. But if meeting your standards leaveyou with too little energy to enjoy other things, it's time to relax them.

· Principle# 2 Take Time to Figure What You Find Most Satisfying

Setaside the time to think about what it is that gives you the most pleasure andsatisfaction, and start doing it.

· Principle#3 Create Time for the Things You Care About.

Thepurpose of taking the time to think about what it is you care about is to maketime for those things in your life.

· Principle#4 Learn to Enjoy What’s in Front of You.

Tryto see everything that’s beautiful in front of you and live in that moment.There's a skill involved in looking at what’s in front you and finding a gift init. To some extent I’m talking about a half full rather than a half empty approach to life. This type of vision really cuts away allkinds of clutter.

· Principle# 5 Learn to be Flexible.

Manyof us develop patterns of behavior – habits – that takes on a life of theirown. In fact, there is a real value in change, that is, in shaking things up every nowand then and surprising everyone, including yourself.

· Principle#6 Prioritize

Theentire notion of prioritizing how you spend your time implies that you actuallyhave some control over your life. It is that kind of taking control and experiencing satisfactionthat I am trying to foster.

Clearlywe all have things we must do that we wish we didn't have to do. But as I saidearlier, you will be surprised to discover just how much choice you have aboutwhere your energies go. Remember you really do have the capacity to makechoices. And that’s the key to a simpler life.

Your Comments?

The Key to Successful Single Parenting

2011-10-10T04:54:00.000-07:00

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Until a few years ago parenting wasn't even a word we use.Now it is treated as a science, art or, or least a set of sophisticated methodor technique. However, it is none of these. It Is not a science. It is not anart. And, it is not a sophisticated method or technique. What then is parenting?

The key to successful single parenting is being sensitive to what your children need. Toboil it all down. They need to be listened to, to be understood, and to bevalued. They need a parent who will take time to show them, teach them, help them,and nurture them. They need to be made a priority even when it's inconvenient.Realize that it is important to make time for your children and to view it as amatter of priority. Your children will quickly perceive and appreciate this.

They need a long-term commitment of quantity time ratherthan the quick fixes of quality time.

The most important thing rather than to be concerned abouttechniques is always to be there for your children. While discipline is equallyas important as love, it is essential you let your children see your human side– even though you are busy that you still want both want to play with them and enjoy playing with them. The time you spend with your children passes fast.It’s like playing a tape that can’t be rewound enjoy these precious moments while they last.

The more you are there for your children, the longer they willbe there for you. What they need it not your experience, it’s your attention. Abilityis not the key, its availability.

For Single Parents - Never Being Married and Liking It

2011-09-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaFor single parents, never being married is not a stigma to be avoided. The divorce rate in the United States is at forty percent. Not only that, but a divorce can be nasty and circumstances leading up to it can be psychologically devastating. Both individuals may be left with "baggage" that can be carried over and easily affect future relationships.,

Never being married and liking it can be reflective of various circumstances. It could be that you are a rational person who does not let emotional responses overcome your rational responses. Maybe the idea of falling in love perhaps was never a factor in how your relationships came into being. Even though you became a single parent as a result of the relationship, you did not conclude that because you and the other person had a child together, you had to get married for the sake of the child. If you have achieved such a balance in your responses to a potential spouse, you are to be commended.

The idea of falling in love has a history of being extremely detrimental to many. When your emotions take over, you are unable to critically evaluate the person you're interested in. Thinking rationally, you might have recognized that the individual is lazy and dishonest; you might have recognized that the individual is a big spender with little knowledge of basic money management; and, you might have recognized that the individual is involved with disreputable associates. Not recognizing these character traits can lead to many years of heartaches and disappointments.

However, if you were able to recognize these characteristics and avoided being married, then your life has been spared of such experiences and chances are you are healthier psychologically as a result.

The other circumstance may be that after becoming a parent, you realize that you still have a good support system--your parents, other relatives, and close friends--who recognize along with you, that having a child should not hinder you in your pursuance of your goals. Consequently with that support, you set your sights on pursuing your career and only chose to have relationships with those who are supportive of you and whose goals are compatible with yours. You were satisfied with occasional movies, dinners, and recreational activities, but were willing to put limits on when it began to affect your goal seeking. Once again you are to be commended and I hope that I described you in one of my characterizations.

Never being married and liking it means that you have never experienced the loving support and marital bliss that may occur in such a relationship, but on the other hand, by never getting married, you never had to experience the harsh and sometimes violent experience leading up to a divorce and its unsavory aftermath.

For All Single Parents - Ten Things You Need to Know About Your Preschooler

2011-08-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

During the month of August and September children all across the United States are returning to school. In the back of many parents minds is the question, What Do I Need to Know for Kindergarten? and, Is My Child Ready for Kindergarten? However, for parents of even younger children, the question is, What do I Need to Know About my Preschooler to Help Him to Have a Valuable Preschool Experience?

While in a future post, I will focus on the kindergarten questions, for now I will list The Ten Things You Need to Know About Your Preschooler. Here they are:

1. Infants can see color and shapes very early in life.

2. Preschoolers like to hear the same story over and over again.

3. A child in the womb grows accustomed to her mother's voice.

4. Preschoolers like to sing, chant, and tell stories.

5. Listening is a receptive skill that requires preschoolers to think and interpret.

6. Speaking and listening habits profoundly influence of preschoolers’ ability to write.

7. Infants, toddlers, and preschoolers understand many more words than they can say.

8. Preschoolers need to see that reading and writing are useful and enjoyable things to do

9. Preschooler natural curiosity and desire to make sense of their world are the only motivation they need to learn.

10. Preschoolers learn by doing things – – actively exploring books and print.

Go to the ParentsPage for more preschool resources and free articles

Four Ways to Encourage Independence in Your Child

2011-07-30T08:33:00.001-07:00

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Your challenge is a parent is twofold. You have to prepare your child to handle life situations as they arise. And you have to learn to recognize when your child is ready for new freedoms, and to willingly grant them.

Understand, and teach your children that some failure is inevitable. Treat any setback as a learning experience – – for you and for them.
Here are the five ways to encourage independence in your child:

1. Watch for readiness and respond to the signs you see and hear. If your child is asking about letters, then you child is ready to learn the alphabet. If your child is carefully watching you prepare dinner, then your child is ready to help in the kitchen.

2. Don't wait for your children to ask for additional freedoms. Don't make the mistake of holding out until your children rebel before giving them a later bedtime, increasing their allowance, or permitting them to do things in their own. Continually evaluate how much freedom you can give your children. Around the time of their birthdays, discuss increasing their allowance and giving them an extra hour before lights go out.
3. Let your children know that if they abuse their freedoms, if their grades suffer, of if they get involved in drugs, drinking, or other irresponsible behavior, the privileges can be revoked.

4. Watch the child carefully who tries to bend the rules. Reward that child with more privileges only after he or she has demonstrated the ability to responsibly handle the freedoms that they have already been granted.

It takes a lot of love, patience, guidance, and wisdom, and willingness on your part to allow your children to make their own mistakes. But, as your child gains independence, so do you, and your life becomes simpler.

Your Thoughts?

Seven Ways to Become Involved in Your Children's Education As a Single Parent

2011-07-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

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According to a study published in the American Educational Research Journal, parental involvement has been shown to influence children's achievement in language and mathematics, their academic persistence, and their behavioral problems.

As a single parent, parental involvement falls solely upon your shoulders. If doing this is a struggle for you, admit to it and ask a relative, a friend, your neighbor, or a pastor for help in keeping close tabs on how your children are doing and working with the school to implement an action plan for improvement.

However, if parent involvement is not a struggle for you, here are seven ways to carry out your parental involvement effectively.

1. Establish and maintain an ongoing dialogue with your children's teachers. Learn how to make sense out of your children's report cards. Determine what type of question to ask at parent-teacher conferences. And, make sure you know what your child should be studying and the tests they are required to pass.

2. Set up regular time for homework completion. Establish appropriate routines at home like creating quiet time for homework as well as for recreational reading. Limit the amount of television they can watch.

3. Set a good example for your children. Let the children see that you value reading and lifetime learning by enrolling in classes yourself and taking part in study groups. Moreover, if you have younger children, read to them and with them.

4. Praise the child's effort. Instead of criticizing the child's mistakes, guide them into discovering the right answers through their own efforts. If you can't help them with their homework, keep a close enough eye on them to know if they're doing it themselves.

5. Establish a relationship with other like-minded parents and community groups to strive for excellence in the school.

6. Expose your children to a variety of learning experiences. Get up on Saturday mornings and take your children to the museums or the library. Help them to turn their favorite hobbies into enjoyable learning experience.

7. Volunteer, if possible, in the classroom and accompany your children's classrooms on field trips. Go to the PTA meetings and meet all the teachers.

The fact of the matter is that the active involvement of parents is the first step in creating a level educational playing field. Parental involvement in the school can turn it from a failure into one of excellence. You can influence the choice of the principal, the type of curriculum, the quality of teaching, the expectations of teachers, and the security and safety of the classrooms.

For All Single Parent Families - 5 Ways to Eat Well and Be Well

2011-06-15T02:28:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaUnless you are a wealthy single parent, you want your family to eat well and be well without breaking the bank. As one who was raised by a single mother, I learned firsthand to appreciate the challenge of frugality and healthy living. Steaks and chops were not a common part of our diet, but soups, casseroles, stews, fish, rice dishes, and cooked and raw vegetables abd fruits were.

While I will not be giving healthy recipes in this post, (look for these recipes in future posts) these 5 Ways to Eat Well and Be Well offers all single parents the basic principles associated with eating healthy while being thrifty. Here they are:

1. Make More Meatless Meals
You can reduce the amount of expensive meat and poultry you buy by changing your healthy recipes to include meatless meals. If you don't want to do without your favorite meats altogether, use them ( along with a lot with poultry and fish) as flavor enhancers, rather than the main course. Add chopped meat, chicken, and fish to omelets, pasta, rice dishes, salads, and stews. You will not be skimping on the flavor, only on the budget.

2. Be a Savvy Shopper
If you want to be the smartest shopping in the neighborhood, shop only in perimeter of the supermarket. That way you will buy healthier groceries. Whole foods, such as produce, meat, and dairy products are always on the outer edge of the store. Generally, the inside aisles are filled with processed and more expensive foods.

3. Eliminate the Junk Foods
Just say no to junk food. Food with little or no nutritional value has no place in a frugal shopping cart. Make your own cookies, pop your own popcorn, and make iced herbal teas and other healthful beverages. Don't buy packaged deserts. Eat more fruit. It's a healthier choice and will fill you up faster. Avoid sugar filled sodas and drink more water.

4. Forget the Cereal Aisle
Cold cereal is overpriced and overrated. If you have coupons, use them, especially when there is a sale. But the most frugal solution is to get your family hooked on oatmeal. It is more healthful and cost less. Buy the least expensive brand and dress it up with some with raisins, cinnamon, sliced or dried fruit, or anything else that delights your taste buds.

5. Create a Personal Pricing Guide
Buy a small notebook and keep track of the prices of items you buy every week. Compare prices at all of the local supermarkets. You'll likely find one store that sells your favorite flour, cereal, or pasta for much less than another market. An easy way to start a personal guide is to keep your register receipts so that you can record your item costs. Once you finished your guide, you will find that it will take a little longer to get your shopping done, especially if you shop at three different stores, but you'll spend less money in the long run.

These principles offer you as a single parent, some ideas on how to provide healthy food for yourself and your family while being economical about it. Especially consider giving your children healthy breakfasts and healthy snacks.

Go to the Single Parent Counselor for more articles on single parenting.

Let me know your thoughts.

Single Parent Strategies For Dealing With Stress

2011-05-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

Feeling very stressed about finances is common in these times. And, while managing your children's behaviors can be stressful in and of itself, to combine it with financial stress can push you over the edge. The following strategies can help lead you to a greater sense of peace, and to handle your parental role more effectively.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you begin to feel the stress of being uptight with your children.

1. Is it so important that the children always do things my way?
2. Can I let the children have it their own way sometimes?
3. Do I really take enough time to try to understand what the children are saying to me?
4. Do I really know what the children want and need from me?
5 .Is what I say or tell them to do really clear to them?
6. How often do I stop and listen - letting the children tell me what they think and feel - simply because they need to talk to me?
7. After I've lost control, how do I really feel about myself?
8. Can I really "make it up" to them?
9. Am I really taking my problems out on them?
10. How would I feel if someone said or did the same thing to me?

Some Stress and Tension Relievers

1. Count to 10, put the child in a safe area (crib, playpen, childproof room) and go to another room or outside for a few minutes.
2. Go into another room, close the door, then take 10 minutes to read, knit or do whatever relaxes you best.
3. Lie on the floor with your feet up on a chair; place a cool wash cloth on your face; and think of the most peaceful scene you can imagine. Stay there for 5 minutes.
4. Tell your child exactly what is making you tense. Be really specific about what behavior needs to be changed in order to reduce your stress level.
5. After you've put the children down for a nap, forget what you "should" be doing. Take some time for yourself to relax - sleep, read, listen to music, take a bath - whatever makes you feel fresh again.
6. Designate a corner, chair or some quiet spot as a "time-out" place where you can go when you feel like losing your temper. Designate a separate one for your child. It gives both of you a few minutes to calm down, and it tells the other person that you are getting tense.
7. Save a special, quiet plaything to be used only at certain times. It will be a treat for your child, and will provide some quiet time for you.

When things are going well, pass out rewards.

1. Compliment and reward the children for the good things, such as being quiet, not fighting, not whining, cleaning up.
2. Let the children know when their behavior is making you happy.
3. Hug the children and say "I love you."
4. Say "thanks" for small favors.
5. Treat the children and yourself to something special for doing so well.

See The Parents Page for more articles and resources.

Comments?

Parenting Styles - A Key Single Parent Concern

2011-05-04T17:29:00.000-07:00

A wise observer of the human condition once commented that the politics of the family is the politics of the nation. Just as the authoritarian family can be the state in microcosm, the democratic family is the best training ground for life in a democracy. To take this perspective further, the two most easily identified parenting styles in our democratic society, whether you are a single parent or not, is the authoritarian style and the permissive style. But both have their drawbacks regarding your relationship with your child.

The authoritarian style tends to expedite things, but because of the characteristic one- way communication, it does not produce independent thinking and functioning on the part of your child. In contrast, your child perceives the permissive style as indifference. A child can not feel valued by a parent who is forever absorbed in her own affairs. Neither style allows the child to become a participant in the decision-making process which allows the child to develop the capacity to decide what to do, to take responsibility for it, and develop autonomy and independence.

The authoritarian style stems in part from the fact that parents, often in dangerous, crime-ridden neighborhoods, see around them so many young people whose lives are touched by the pain and delinquency which so often accompanies a life of poverty. Consequently, they fear for their children's future--fear that they will lose control and that their children will wind up in the street or worse yet, in jail. On the other hand because you cannot control all that our children see, hear, and who they play with, it is tempting to throw up your hands and do nothing -- that is, to choose permissiveness. The choice, however, is not an either/or situation.

Although you cannot do everything, you can do something. And that is to talk with your children and teenagers about unexpected encounters with inappropriate violence, sexuality, and profanity. You need to teach your children to learn right and wrong without being judgmental, to be cautious without imparting fear, to be assertive without being pushy, to stick with routines without sacrificing spontaneity, and to be determined without being stubborn.

Children must not be allowed to spew forth whatever is on their minds under the notion of family closeness, but should be allowed to respond--to talk about their experiences, express their thoughts and feelings, and ask for what they want and need in an atmosphere of respect. In so doing, children will be able to develop an integrated sense of self and their own unique personalities.

Three Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life As a Single Parent

2011-05-04T17:23:00.000-07:00

As a single parent, you are the most important individual in your children's lives. Keep yourself in good physical condition. If you have young children, you realize how important it is to keep yourself in good shape to deal with the needs of your active offspring. If getting a membership at the local health club or YMCA is out of the budget, then find a way to at least get an exercise bike and work out at ten minutes a day and eat a balanced diet.

Now, here are three ways to get the most out of your life as a single parent:

1. Visualize and pursue a rewarding future that you can realize once you have an empty nest. Do not allow yourself to be in position of acceding to your grown children's demands because you have an unfulfilled life. Grown children generally have no qualms about asking you to babysit your grandchildren or becoming an unpaid chauffeur. However, if you have pursued a new direction prior to having an empty nest, then you can easily let your grown children know that on certain dates and times they can come by with the children for a visit, to have dinner, or to enjoy a pleasant conversation. But, they will know that at an agreed upon time they will be expected to go home. With this understanding, your grown children will have increased respect for you.

2. Develop and keep quality friends and relationships. Good friends and quality relationships are good for your mental health. However, it is essential to make the distinction between friends and acquaintances. A friend is someone who cares about your well-being and loves you unconditionally. And furthermore, a friend is supportive of your goals when your goals are in your best interest and will let you know when they are detrimental to your best interest. Acquaintances often do not have your best interest at heart. Moreover acquaintances are likely to waste your time with idle and useless conversation and get you involved in wasteful activities. As a final point, acquaintances often want to use you to meet their own needs whereas in a friendship you and your friend are mutually supportive.

3. Consider your interest and skills and build on them. Life is worthwhile when you continue to grow throughout your time on this earth. Think about the interests you had when you were in your teenage years that have remained in the back of your mind and never pursued. Perhaps you want to own your own business, go back to school to get your degree, become a nurse, social worker, or teacher, or even become a singer or motivational speaker if you have the talent. The point is to consider your interest and your skills. If you have one or more interests and some skills which match those interests, then build on those interests and skills and let them take you to some new self-fulfilling goals.

The Single Parent's Challenge - Raising a Mentally Healthy Child

2011-04-16T05:14:00.000-07:00

A mentally healthy child, as well as a physically healthy child is what all parents desire. As a single parent, it is a challenge that requires you to fully use your abilities, energy, and resources to develop a physically healthy child by making sure the child eats the right foods, gets the proper rest, and have time for exercise and active play. But how do you develop a mentally healthy child?

Despite often inconsistent and ineffective parenting, the good news is that most children grow up and exhibit the range of expected mentally healthy behaviors. Somehow the child receives enough love, attention and discipline to achieve emotional balance. In addition to this, between the family, the extended family, teachers, coaches, and even neighbors, the child finds at least one role model in an effort to discover what it means to be an adult man or woman. However, inconsistent and ineffective parenting along with a bad neighborhood can be risk factors for a mentally unhealthy child and may lead a youngster to engage in unlawful or self-destructive behavior.

The challenge is to continue to improve the quality of your parenting and, if there is a bad neighborhood environment, to reduce or mitigate the impact of the neighborhood on the child. Consider this as a parent as it may pertain to you and you can be instrumental in bringing this into existence. Parents often have to be engaged where they naturally come together or where they can be drawn together for the benefit of their children. Parents who have children in Day Care or Head Start Services can be engaged on the site; parents who have youngsters in park district programs can be engaged on the site; churches can reserve space and engage parents on the site; and even public schools can make the schools parent-friendly and strongly promote parent-teacher cooperation.

Once a parenting group is established, reaching out to and notifying parents can occur at the local grocery store, the local laundromat, the local restaurant, the local gas station, the local drug store, and the local libraries in an effort to gain the parents' attention and participation. Once parents begin attending an informative, productive, and stimulating group, work of mouth will keep the group growing and increasing in importance and ultimately having a positive impact on the neighborhood.

It is important to take the role of being a parent seriously and consider these parenting resources carefully if you are becoming stressed out. Without each generation succeeding each other by bringing into being productive, well-balanced citizens, our world will cease to exist as we know it. It is important give your child a balance of love and discipline and an opportunity to realize his gifts and potential. To have a mentally healthy child, be the role model you want your child to emulate, teach the child how to behave in different situations, provide the necessary guidance, have the pleasant conversations, and do fun things together.

Your Thoughts?

Seven Strategies for Single Parents Raising a Child With ADHD

2011-04-16T05:11:00.000-07:00

Raising a child with attention deficit hyperactive disorder( ADHD) is a major challenge for a single parent. According to the Center for Disease and Control, 4.5 million children have been diagnosed with ADHD. These children's behaviors are characterized by a short attention span, difficulty sustaining attention on a consistent basis, susceptibility to distraction by extraneous stimuli and internal thoughts, losing things necessary for tasks, and repeated failure to follow through on instructions. Moreover, two or three times more boys than girls are affected by it. And, there is an average of one child with ADHD in every classroom.

Experts, however, remain unsure of what causes it. Some of the views include: alcohol and drug use by biological parents; chaotic, dangerous households; and family genes.

Exposure to common pesticides is a cause that new research has been revealing. The particular pesticide, an organic-phosphate, is a man-made toxin originally developed for chemical warfare and now used extensively in agriculture. Scientists believe that children exposed to this compound while still in the womb have a higher chance of developing attention problems by age 5.

While it remains a possibility that roughly one million children may be misdiagnosed, it is important for you to be observant of how your child behaves as they progress through their birthdays. For example, if your child is misbehaving or is inattentive, it may be that he is 5 and the other children are 6.

As a single parent who wants your child to realize his highest potential and to become reasonably self-sufficient, here are seven strategies to consider:

1. Learn about ADHD and its causes. The more you know, the more you can help yourself and your child.

2. Praise your child when he or she does well. Build upon your child's abilities, strengths, and talents.

3. Talk with your child's doctor about the types of medication that would help your child as well as the potential side effects of the medication.

4. Be clear, be consistent, and be positive. Provide structure in the home. Set clear rules with your child. Tell your child what he should do, not what he shouldn't do.

5. Pay attention to your child's mental health and your own. Be open to counseling. It can help you deal with the challenges of raising a child with ADHD.

6. Meet with the school and develop an educational plan to address your child's needs. Both you and your child's teachers should get a copy of this plan.

7. Keep in touch with your child's teachers. Tell the teachers how your child is doing at home. Ask how your child is doing in school. Offer support.

Your Thoughts?

Seven Tech Tips for the Busy Single Parent

2011-04-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

If you are the average single parent, you are too busy to have to deal with a troublesome computer. You want your computer to perform smoothly and you want to access the information you need without any hassle. To help you in doing so, here are five tech tips.

1. Malicious programs stealthily embed themselves into your software without your knowledge, often through forwarded e-mails, and free scans and downloads. These must be removed from your computer before they cause damage to your operating system and bring your system to a halt. To do this, you can use many of the free spyware/adware removal tools. When you have one of these tools installed, run it frequently and keep it updated.

2. Make sure you download all the latest Windows Updates, Service Packs, and Hot Fixes. They normally make your computer work better. Most software applications nowadays have an automatic update and will prompt you to update them. As soon as you log onto the Internet, they automatically start the updates and if the new updates are available, they would get it and prompt you to install it.

3. Learn how to use keyboard shortcuts for Windows and Microsoft Word, or create your own keyboard shortcuts. Here are three important ones: Windows key+ E opens Windows Explorer with one quick keystroke; Windows key + F4 allows you to close a window in a program and Ctrl + W would do the same thing. Both of these will allow you to close the window without using the mouse to hit X in the right-hand corner. In, Microsoft Word, the right and left arrow allows you to move the cursor to the beginning of the previous word and the up-and-down arrows would do the same with paragraphs. This is very helpful when editing a document, or scanning for any reason.

4. Clean your registry by removing broken shortcuts, missing shared DLL, invalid path, invalid references, and more. The Windows registry is the master control center for your operating system and the applications it runs. Corruption or overload can cause performance problems and, in general, disrupt the system process. Do not manually attempt to change the registry. Try one of the freeware sites.

5. Remove unnecessary or old programs by using the Add/Remove dialog in the Control Panel. In addition to unnecessary or old programs, you may have many useless files left over from re-installs and just general use. To clear these up, do regular disk cleanup using the tools available or you can doing so manually.

6. Perform a virus scan on your computer regularly. If you don't want to install virus protection, use some of the free online virus scanners. The Windows Firewall is very adequate and should be always be turned on. However, do add an additional good, reliable and up-to-date virus scanner. Two is better.

7. Completely uninstall programs and applications. Remnants of programs and applications can cause your computer to become unstable. Both the coding and the software need to be uninstalled. All the debris.left behind needs to be cleaned up.

For Single Parents - Loneliness Or Aloneness?

2011-04-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

As a single parent, loneliness has to be coped with properly or it can lead to symptoms related to depression.

It is faulty relationships, or in this instance, a lack of healthy relationships that lead to those undesirable consequences.

However, when you take a closer look at the experience of loneliness, it indicates dependency upon someone to meet your need for enjoyment, fun, and self-fulfillment. While it is desirable to have healthy and caring relationships which indeed help your mental health, dependency upon someone else to meet your need for enjoyment, fun, and self-fulfillment may in fact be unhealthy.

In that loneliness is an emotional experience based upon your thinking and perception of the situation, it can be coped with by changing your perception of the situation and then acting upon the changed perception.

It is important to reflect upon the question of, do you really need someone else to find enjoyment in your life?

Think critically about activities that you find enjoyable whether it's dancing, going to musical events, going to museums, or whatever and begin going to these events. You will find that these events will meet your criteria for enjoyment and uplift your spirits. Not only that, you may meet someone at these events who share your interest in fun and entertainment.

Next, do some critical thinking about areas in your life that you want to improve. It may be that you are shy speaking in front of groups. If so joining Toastmasters might be a good idea. You are obligated to make speeches and in turn have them critiqued. Everyone in the group is on the same level. It may be that you have always wanted to learn a new dance. Taking a dance class might be a good idea. Again, you are on the same level as everyone else and you are out with others and putting yourself in a position to make new friends.

In addition to this, during aloneness in pursuing a hobby that is fulfilling augments the fun and enjoyment you are experiencing with the outside pursuits. I have an acquaintance that enjoys trying out new recipes and inviting people over. I have another acquaintance that knits hats and scarfs and give them away as presents.

Again, the feeling of loneliness is an emotional state. And an emotional state cannot be addressed directly, it has to be addressed by clear thinking followed by action. Action which results in a change in behavior with pleasant results will begin to lessen the feeling of loneliness.

Seven Things Single Parents Must Juggle Successfully

2011-04-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

It is fascinating to watch professional jugglers keep multiple plates, bottles or whatever in the air without dropping them. In the same context it is fascinating to watch how a competent single parent is able to successfully juggle all the demands associated with raising two or more children alone and still maintain poise and serenity.

In my view there are seven things that successful single parents have learned to do well:

housekeeping or homemaking
managing children's schedules and obligations,
finding time to pursue personal growth,
maintaining healthy, supportive relationships,
handling work obligations,
finding time for rest and rejuvenation,
and, regularly engaging in fun, enjoyable activities.

To do each of these things requires you to be able to manage your time, set up a schedule, stick to it, and become well disciplined.

Each of the seven things is important and requires serious thought and consideration.

Good housekeeping means keeping each room organized and maintained for the purpose it serves. If a room is to serve multiple purposes, then that must be communicated to the children so that if a part of the kitchen is to be used for doing homework, then after homework is completed, the child has to gather up his books and materials and put them in the area in which they belong.

Managing your children's schedules and obligations are not only important for their well-being and development, but also for you to keep disciplinary issues at a minimum. Children who know what to do and when to do it and get praised for doing so, will pose fewer disciplinary problems.

Finding time to pursue personal growth is essential. It doesn't matter whether it's exercising, reading, taking a class or whatever, the key is that you are looking ahead to the time when you will have an empty nest and your children will not be the center of your life. At that time you may decide to pursue new a new relationship or a new career.

Maintaining healthy, supportive relationships is an essential element for maintaining good mental health. It is important to have a supportive social network whether it includes your relatives, friends or neighbors.

Work obligations can be stressful. If you have a job that is not stressful and you work in a pleasant environment, you should be very thankful. The main thing is to leave the work issues at the workplace. Don't bring them home. Your children need a calm, disciplined parent.

Rest and rejuvenation is important just to be able to maintain good health and do the seven things you need to do. Try to get at least six hours of sound sleep so that you can be alert and focused the next day.

And finally, find time to regularly engage in fun, enjoyable activities. Having fun is a need that is just as important as being free of unhealthy, destructive relationships. Accept being single as a positive and allow time for fun whether it's enjoying something alone or with good friends.

For the Busy and Thrifty Single Parent - Seven Tips for Buying and Organizing

2011-04-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

It is unusual for a busy single parent to not be concerned about thriftiness and being organized. Here I'm offering seven tips to help out in these areas. They are:

1. Buy Generic Items

Similar to prescription drugs, generic food items are exactly the same as the more expensive brand-name version. By law, certain items, such as aspirin, baking soda, cornstarch, honey, molasses, peanuts, pecans, salt, sugar, unbleached flour, and walnuts must be exactly the same content and composition regardless of the packaging or quality gimmicks. Always buy lower-cost generic brand when buying these items.

2. Control Your Impulses

We you pick up an item that is not on your grocery list, place it in the child's seat of the grocery shopping cart. Then just before checking out, re-evaluate the budget breaking items, and then put all those items back except for one item. That's your reward for carefully controlling your impulses in the grocery aisles.

3. Shop with Cash Only.

Shop for groceries with cash only. You'll be a much more careful shopper knowing that you cannot go over your limit because you do not have a checkbook or credit card to fall back on. Also go to stores where you can bag your own groceries. Their prices are lower and you can group items together to match the way your kitchen, pantry, refrigerator are arranged. You will save a lot of time putting things away.

4. Deal with the Mail Efficiently.

As soon as you get the mail, read it, and sort it into one of these four categories: to pay, to answer; to file; and, to dump. Then do it.

5. Set Up Family In-Boxes.

Designate a colored file folder or plastic in-box for each of your children. When they come home from school, have them to put important papers, forms, and other school information in this special place. They will then know where to find the papers and items they need to return to the teacher the next day.

6. Use a Home Filing system.

Set up temporary files labeled "To be filed", and "To be tossed". In the first, place items that need to be saved permanently. In the second put dated materials. Once a month file the first and dump the second.

7. Reuse Plastic Grocery Bags.

Save and organize grocery bags neatly and compactly inside a cardboard tube from a roll of paper towels or wax paper. Stuff the plastic bags into the tube and store them in your cupboard or drawer. Keep one under the car seat also. It will come in handy.

Let me know if you find these tips to be useful.

Eleven Time Management Tips for the Busy Single Parent

2011-04-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

A wise man once said that counting time is not so important as making time count. Good time management and making time count is a must for busy single parents. While there are many books and articles on time management, here are eleven time management tips, boiled down, that I believe you will find useful:

1. If you feel that you don't have time to complete things, break the job into smaller units. No time to read a book, set aside 15 minutes a day to read a few pages or a chapter, or better yet, try a short story.

2. Once you determine exactly what is most important to accomplish any given day, do not allow yourself to be interrupted until it is done. Don't take calls, don't take a coffee break, and don't put in that load of wash. Do what you have to do, and then get on to other things.

3. Making lists is a crucial way to organize your life and keep things simple. But always make a list you know you can accomplish. At the end of the day you will feel good about what you've done rather than overwhelmed by which you haven't done. Failure can be exhausting.

4. Keep a list of short calls you need to make (such as calls to arrange appointments) and make them early in the day. You can cross off several "to do" items from the list - and start your day off right.

5. Every now and then you will think of someone you haven't spoken to in a long time and have an impulse to call. However, if it's too late, write those names down and you'll be more likely to get to them.

6. Don't over schedule your children. Children (and adults for that matter), need downtime to do absolutely nothing. This kind of downtime is every bit as important as piano lessons, Little League, and gymnastics. Maybe even more so.

7. Telephone calls are something we all could do a lot less of - - so set certain times of the day when you simply don't answer the phone. Use that time to cook dinner in a peaceful, mindful way, or just hang out with your family.

8. Think about the people you spent time with on the phone or in person. How many of those relationships seem fulfilling? How many feel like habits? Think about time as a valuable commodity, and don't waste it in company that isn't pleasing.

9. Consider not making social plans for more than two weekends in a row. It's important to give yourself time every now and then on the weekend to have no plans. If you feel like pulling something together at the last minute, you can always do it

10. Whenever possible, take your children along on errands instead of arranging childcare. It is educational for them, and it can make a dull task interesting. Of course some errands are fun with children in tow, but others are nearly impossible.

11. Set your alarm clock for a half hour early every morning, and think of that time as all yours. Lie in the bed, listen to the radio, meditate, exercise, soak in the tub, or do whatever you need to do to prepare yourself for the day ahead.

For All Single Parents: Five Ways to Get On With Living

2011-04-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

Breaking up with a spouse or boyfriend should not be viewed as a devastating experience. On the contrary, it should be viewed as a liberating one.

If you were to take a step back, to take a deep breath, and to reflect on how the circumstances fell in place that led up to the break up you will have to admit that you saw it coming. You may have resisted accepting it because of fear of being alone and having to start all over, but if the relationship had been characterized by constant arguments, demeaning language, and consistent lack of cooperation, then the absence of this type of stress should be well received. It is indeed time to get on with living.

Here are five ways to do so:

1. Eliminate the other person entirely from your life. Cut the ties completely. Make up your mind that you will not accept any phone calls or any other type of communication from this former relationship. Get rid of anything the other person left behind -- pictures, clothing, and any other type of memorabilia. This is making sure that the breakup is complete.

2. Don't rush to replace this person with someone else. Pause, take time to understand and appreciate yourself. Make sure that the next individual is someone you to can talk to and is compatible with your values, goals, and lifestyle.

3. Beyond intimate relationships, begin to choose your friends wisely. Make sure you understand the difference between friends and acquaintances. A friend is someone with whom you can trust your secrets; someone who is willing to help you in different ways; and, someone, who has your best interest at heart and vice versa. In contrast, an acquaintance is someone with whom may occasionally have a pleasurable conversation and attend some events but don't offer you the same benefits that come from a friendship.

4. Consider acquiring a new skill, taking up a hobby, and going to new and different types of events. If you have been thinking about learning line dancing, then do so; if you have been thinking about learning to garden, then do so; and, if you have been thinking about going to a jazz, folk, or country music concert, then do so.

5. And, finally work on acquiring the attitude of self-reliance. Begin enjoying your own company. Make yourself a more interesting person and you began to attract the type of person with whom you can have a satisfying relationship.

Most of all get on with living.

Computer Buying Tips for Single Parent Families

2011-04-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

The decision to buy a computer for the first time or to replace an aging or obsolete one is a significant decision for single parent families, especially if there will be only one computer for the family.

When considering the purchase of a computer, here are some basics you need to know:

Computers come in all sizes and for your family, only consider a desktop, not a laptop. And, the hardware, what's inside your computer, which includes the hard drive, random access memory (RAM), central processing unit (CPU), graphic card, and the optical media drive must be essential in your consideration.

Since your computer will have multiple users, let's first consider the hard drive. The hard drive is the central storage device in your computer. It will be used to store your digital music, photos, and video collection. Go for a hard drive with a minimum of 750GB (gigabytes). Think of this as the equivalent of about 160 DVDs. However, 1 TB (terabyte) of drive space would be even better. By doing so, everyone will have adequate space to store their personal media.

Second, consider your RAM which is your Random Access Memory. This is where your computer stores programs and data while it is on. Consequently, you need to buy a computer with 4GB or more of RAM. Keep in mind that if you want more than 4GB of RAM, you will need a 64-bit operating system (OS), because the 32-bit OS can only use up to 4GB of RAM.

Third, consider the CPU or central processing unit referred to here as the processor. This is the device that actually performed the computing tasks. In considering the processor, go for a quad core processor instead of the dual core which describes the number of processor cores found on a single processor die. Multiple processors have the ability to separate the handling of tasks to share the load so that the job can get done more quickly. Most current programs are designed to support quad core processing and even the older programs will work better with the quad core or multiple core processor.

Fourth, consider the graphic card. This is the component that plugs right into your motherboard and without it your PC could not display images. If you and your children plan to play video games or movies, then you need to have a dedicated video card. Buy a computer with the video card that offers the largest amount of memory. The computer would then be able to play your games faster and offer greater support for high definition video, such as 1,920 x 1,080 or larger.

And finally, the optical media drive enables your computer to read CDs, DVDs, and Blu-ray discs. Nowadays, most computers come with a DVD burner that can both play and record media on DVD. If you and your family will be only watching DVD movies, then you will be in good shape.

For All Single Parents - How to Survive Your Adolescents

2011-04-09T06:09:00.000-07:00

Every stage of life carries with it certain tasks of emotional development and adolescence is no exception. Adolescence is a major developmental bridge lasting from ages 10 and 20 and can be an extremely stressful time especially for a single parent. During this developmental period, adolescents have the following tasks to accomplish: establish their own identity; give up childhood dependency; develop their own values; deal constructively with authority; learn to deal with the opposite sex; and, handle their rampant physical and emotional changes. All this, while on the surface, rejecting their parent.

Recent research, however, indicates that teenagers learn to simulate the parent's values more than they do their friends. Although this may be surprising, it should also be viewed as helpful. The research indicates that the enduring values of their parent are in fact transmitted. So then as a single parent you should take a look at what you can do to more positively influence your teenagers and get through the often tumultuous adolescent years with less stress.

Here are six actions you can take:

1. Don't fail their test of your love. If you must withhold, withhold your approval, not your love.

2. Don't insist on intimacy. Communication comes in many forms. If you are fortunate enough to have an adolescent who shares his or her feelings, that's great. If not, don't force it.

3. Be sure your teenager has some reasonable amount of privacy.

4. Set parental limits. Make your standards and expectations very clear, but not excessive. Excessiveness invites rebellion.

5. Take their problems very seriously no matter how small they may seem.

6. Finally, like everything else in life, realize that adolescence like everything else will pass. Keep your sense of humor and learn how to laugh at what is often only a temporary difficulty.

On the other hand, there are some indicators of genuine difficulty in an adolescent such as: schoolwork becomes a significant problem; there is persistent fighting and arguing at home; physical complaints, anxiety, and depression of a chronic nature; there is significant difficulty in your child's social life such that she begins to avoid friends and isolate from others; and, any self-destructive behavior, sexual promiscuity, drug use or abuse. Moreover, any mention of suicide should be taken seriously.

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