Know your Type of Parenting Style and What You Need to Change

A wise observer of the human condition once commented that the politics of the family is the politics of the nation. 

Just as the authoritarian family can be the state in microcosm, the democratic family is the best training ground for life in a democracy. 

To take this perspective further, the two most easily identified parenting styles in our democratic society, whether you are a single parent or not, is the authoritarian style and the permissive style. 

But both have their drawbacks regarding your relationship with your child.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style
The authoritarian style tends to expedite things, but because of the characteristic one-way communication, it does not produce independent thinking and functioning on the part of your child. In contrast, your child perceives the permissive style as indifference. 

A child can not feel valued by a parent who is forever absorbed in her own affairs. 

Neither style allows the child to become a participant in the decision-making process which allows the child to develop the capacity to decide what to do, to take responsibility for it, and develop autonomy and independence.

The authoritarian style stems in part from the fact that parents, often in dangerous, crime-ridden neighborhoods, see around them so many young people whose lives are touched by the pain and delinquency which so often accompanies a life of poverty. 

Consequently, they fear for their children's future--fear that they will lose control and that their children will wind up in the street or worse yet, in jail.

The Permissive Parenting Style
On the other hand because you cannot control all that our children see, hear, and who they play with, it is tempting to throw up your hands and do nothing -- that is, to choose permissiveness. 

The choice, however, is not an either/or situation. Although you cannot do everything, you can do something. And that is to talk with your children and teenagers about unexpected encounters with inappropriate violence, sexuality, and profanity. 

You need to teach your children to learn right and wrong without being judgmental, to be cautious without imparting fear, to be assertive without being pushy, to stick with routines without sacrificing spontaneity, and to be determined without being stubborn.

Children must not be allowed to spew forth whatever is on their minds under the notion of family closeness, but should be allowed to respond--to talk about their experiences, express their thoughts and feelings, and ask for what they want and need in an atmosphere of respect. In so doing, children will be able to develop an integrated sense of self and their own unique personalities.


What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below

11 Qualities for Helping Your Child Become Successful

Single parenting continues to be a challenge and even more so in this era. 

You want the best for your child. 

You want to both equip your child to deal with the temptations and distractions that is so prevalent as well as to make good choices. 

The late, great Earl Nightingale once defined success as the progressive realization of a worthy goal. 

If your goal for your child is for him to have admirable personal qualities and beyond just the attainment of wealth, fame, or prosperity, then these eleven qualities are what you want your child to acquire:

 1. To be a one who forms meaningful relationships with others            
 2. To be empathetic and compassionate
 3. To be respectful
 4. To be smart
 5. To be healthy
 6. To make wise choices
 7. to think and act morally
 8. To have confidence
 9. To have a healthy attitude towards sexuality.
10. To communicate well, and 
11. To have a pleasant attitude.

You want these success tools to become part of your child’s inner self – – a way of thinking, a way of acting; something the child is, and not something the child does.

Children take different roads to attain these goals. 

For some, the way is smooth and straight; for others it is bumpy and winding. In fact, the children whose way lies along the most difficult roads are often the ones who best learn how to use these tools for success.

Your thoughts. Leave your comments below.

12 Most Effective Ways for Handling Stress

We all experience it at one time or another; this condition is called stress.  It is perhaps the number one cause of most health problems today including ulcers, coronary heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, lung problems, accidental injuries, cirrhosis of the liver, and suicide. 

Anti-anxiety drugs and ulcer medications are among the best selling prescription drugs in the United States.

Nevertheless, stress is the process of living. The process of living is the process of having stress imposed on you and reacting to it without allowing it to cause any of the above health problems. 

Now let’s explore the 12 steps for managing stress in your life in a healthy and effective manner.

1. Talk about the problems you are experiencing with friends, loved ones, or a professional. Keeping everything bottled up will only create more problems later on.

2. Exercise. Exercise relieves tension and produces a calming effect.

3. Take a bath. A warm bath can be very relaxing and soothing.

4. Music can be calming. Listen to some soft jazz or instrumental music. Ocean or nature sounds also are a good way to release stress.

5. Healthy meals  can limit your stress.  Try to eat three meals a day (no heavy meals), and although there are health benefits in drinking coffee, keep it to no more than three or four cups a day. 

6. Sleep deprivation can cause stress. Six to seven hours sleep can often make all the difference.

7. Coping with stress can be challenging.  Every day you seem to be pulled in every direction, trying to accommodate others.  So, take care of yourself. You are the thread which holds your family together. If you are stressed, you won’t be much good to anyone.

8. Give yourself a break every now and then.  Buy a new outfit; go to a movie; do something you’ve always wanted to do.  Ask someone dependable to take care of your children for a few hours. Alone time is just as important to you as it is for everyone else. Think of yourself as a gas tank; eventually you will run out of fuel.

9. Laughter is a wonderful release. Releasing tension through laughter is one the best cure-all method for dealing with stress-related issues.

10. Avoid stressful situations whenever possible.  If you are a working single parent, it’s probably not the job but the people who are causing you the most stress. Take everything in stride.

11. If you can’t finish a task, don’t worry about it.  If dinner doesn't turn out as you expected, improvise or pick up something.

12. Life is too short; and stress can reduce it further. Nothing is more important than your health or state of mind. 

How well are you handling stress? Do you think these steps can be helpful? Leave your comments below.