Being a Single Parent, Never Being Married, and Liking It

Being a single parent and never being married is not a stigma to be avoided. The divorce rate in the United States is in the neighborhood of forty percent. Not only that, but a divorce can be nasty and circumstances leading up to it can be psychologically and financially devastating. Moreover, both individuals may be left with "baggage" that can be carried over and easily affect future relationships.

Never Being Married and Liking It 
Never being married and liking it can be reflective of various circumstances. It could be that you are a rational person who does not let emotional responses overcome your rational responses. Maybe the idea of falling in love perhaps was never a factor in how your relationships came into being. Even though you became a single parent as a result of the relationship, you did not conclude that because you and the other person had a child together, you had to get married for the sake of the child. If you have achieved such a balance in your responses to a potential spouse, you are to be commended.

The idea of falling in love has a history of being extremely detrimental to many. When your emotions take over, you are unable to critically evaluate the person you're interested in. Thinking rationally, you might have recognized that the individual is lazy and dishonest; you might have recognized that the individual is a big spender with little knowledge of basic money management; and, you might have recognized that the individual is involved with disreputable associates. Not recognizing these character traits can lead to many years of heartaches and disappointments.

However, if you were able to recognize these characteristics and avoided marriage, then your life has been spared of such experiences and chances are you are healthier psychologically as a result.

Having a Good Support System
The other circumstance may be that after becoming a parent, you realize that you still have a good support system--your parents, other relatives, and close friends--who recognize along with you, that having a child should not necessarily hinder you in your pursuance of your goals. Consequently with that support, you set your sights on pursuing your career and only chose to have relationships with those who are supportive of you and whose goals are compatible with yours. You were satisfied with occasional movies, dinners, and recreational activities, but were willing to put limits on when it began to affect your goal seeking. Once again you are to be commended and I hope that I described you in one of my characterizations.

Never being married and liking it means that you have never experienced the loving support and marital bliss that may occur in such a relationship, but on the other hand, you never had to experience the harsh and sometimes violent experience leading up to a divorce and its unsavory aftermath.


What are your thoughts. Leave your comments below. 

21 More Steps to Get and Keep Joy in Your Life

1. Write little notes, memos, and reminders to yourself that help you stay organized and do better work.
2.  Learn to think ahead more.  It is one of the most valuable tools for happy and successful living.
3.  Listen to the signals of your body.  When you body tires, it lets you know this with a variety of clues. Delaying the rest you need may bring on an illness.
4.  Vacations help you mentally and physically.  They provide you with different sights, activities, and things to think about.  Don't skip them.
5.  Vary the place where you eat from day to day.  This adds interest and variety to your day.
6. Browse, at least once a month, for an hour or so in a good bookstore, 
7. Whenever you are disappointed about something, flash your minds back to those times and occasions when you were victorious.
8. When loneliness threatens to engulf you, remember that you remain in control.  The resources to snap out of loneliness (and the blues) are within you.
9. You can overcome loneliness by keeping busy and active.
10. To dream, to learn, to think, to work, and to laugh forms a sound philosophy of life.
11. Promise yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
12. Choose a form of exercise you can enjoy.  Then exercise that way regularly. 
13. Take five minutes now and then to daydream about your hopes, interests, goals, and activities.
14. Study how others have found the time to do a lot and achieve a great deal.
15. Take time to play.  It is the secret of perpetual youth. 
16. Check into the flea markets in your area.  They are relaxing, fun, and informative.
17. Do something creative even if you only give thirty minutes or so to it.
18. For the sake of variety, get up and go to bed at a different hour than you usually do. 
19. Reading can keep before you the vision of the ideal, prevent you from being lonely, and open a whole world of enjoyment to you.  If you can read, you are already rich.
20. Make a list of the things you enjoy.  Then add to your list continually.  This increases your pleasure-consciousness.  And pleasure neutralizes pain.
21. Get and maintain enough recreational outlets in your life.

 
      Your Comments?  What would you  add to this list?

Preschool Years - A Critical Period for Foundational Development

Recognize the difference in your children.

Growth is not static or follows open progression. It can be three steps forward and two steps backwards before another forward leap. A child that is allowed to develop at his own speed usually wins the race of life. Recognize the difference in your children. Each child is an individual and has individual talents and abilities.

As I mentioned, children develop at different speeds. As a parent, be aware of your child's language development, emotional and social development, and gross and fine motor skill development. Information about your child's development enhances your capacity to respond appropriately to him.

As an informed parent you'll be better equipped to problem solve, be more confident in your decisions, and be more likely to respond sensitively your child's developmental needs.

Work Closely with Your Child's Teachers
If your child is in a preschool program, work with the teachers in encouraging your child's development. At this stage, you do not have to get your child to learn, only to allow and encourage him in learning. You do not have to dictate what they should learn; only to observe and respond to what it is he is learning. Such responsiveness is the most educational and the most loving.

If you think of learning as a path, you can picture yourself walking besides him rather than pushing or dragging or carrying him along. The wisest thing that you can do is to let your preschooler figure out the details on how to draw the human figure, and solve a range of problems from overcoming Saturday boredom to dealing with a difficult kid in the neighborhood. But even if you are standing on the sidelines, you can frequently offer support in helping your child discover what he wants to accomplish.

Read to Your Children
And, finally despite the current rave about computer games and acquiring academic skills via the desktop or laptop, reading out loud is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to your preschooler. You are providing several things:
1. Pleasure. You are presenting books as a means for enjoyment. An addiction to books and reading is one of the most valuable gifts adults can give to children.
2. Vocabulary Development. Preschoolers enjoy new words. Through stories, they hear new words in a meaningful context and absorb the meanings.
3. Listening Skills. Starting with simple picture books and getting more complex as the year progresses, children develop the skills to follow the simple lines of a story. Their attention span increases with experience.
4. Stretching Imagination. Books take children out of their immediate environment and into the realm of their imagination.
5. Talk Written Down. As children see the teacher run her finger across her words as she reads, they slowly get the idea that those little black squiggles represent sounds and words... a basic pre-reading awareness that is necessary.



What are your thoughts?
Leave your comments below.