6 Positive Ways to Survive Your Teenager

Every stage of life carries with it certain tasks of emotional development and adolescence is no exception.

Adolescence is a major developmental bridge lasting from ages 13 and 18 and can be an extremely stressful time, especially for a single parent. 

During this developmental period, adolescents have the following tasks to accomplish: establish their own identity; give up childhood dependency; develop their own values; deal constructively with authority; learn to deal with the opposite sex; and, handle their rampant physical and emotional changes. All this, while on the surface, rejecting their parents.

Recent research, however, indicates that teenagers learn to simulate the parents values more than they do their friends.

Although this may be surprising, it should also be viewed as helpful. The research indicates that the enduring values of their parent are in fact transmitted.

So then as a single parent you should take a look at what you can do to more positively influence your teenagers and get through these often tumultuous years with less stress.

Here then are 6 Positive Ways to Survive Your Teenager:
1. Don't fail their test of your love, if you must withhold, withhold your approval, not your love.
2. Don't insist on intimacy. Communication comes in many forms. if you are fortunate enough to have an adolescent who shares his or her feelings, that's great. If not, don't force it.
3. Be sure your teenager has some reasonable amount of privacy.
4. Set parental limits. Make your standards and expectations very clear, but not excessive.       Excessiveness invites rebellion.
5. Take their problems very seriously no matter how small they may seem.
6. Finally, like everything else in life, realize that adolescence like everything else will pass. Keep your sense of humor and learn how to laugh at what is often only a temporary difficulty.

On the other hand, there are some indicators of genuine difficulty in a teenager's life such as: schoolwork becomes a significant problem:

• there is persistent fighting and arguing at home;
• physical complaints, anxiety, and depression of a chronic nature;
• there is significant difficulty in your child's social life such that she begins to avoid friends and isolate from others;
• and, any self-destructive behavior, sexual promiscuity, drug use or abuse. Moreover, any mention of suicide should be taken seriously.

When professional help is recommended, often I will suggest family-oriented therapy, which involves to one degree or another the entire family.

While at times teenagers do need their own individual counseling, time spent working with the entire family can be particularly helpful to everyone involved. Call (773) 614-3201 for an appointment or for consultation.


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6 Key Reasons Why Children Misbehave and What to do About It

You need to recognize that the negative behavior accompanying certain stages is just a small part of the total child.

It should not become the main focus nor be pushed into the lime light. Rather, it should be addressed with love, understanding,  and effective discipline.

Now, here are the 6 Key Reasons Why Children Misbehave:

1. Hungry, tired, or sick. At times they misbehave just because they are hungry, tired, or sick.

2. Uninformed about wrong behavior. They were never told that a certain behavior was wrong.

3. Anger. Children may become angry when they don’t get what they want. If you give in to angry demands, your child learns that anger "works" and will continue to use it.

4. Fear. Children may be afraid of many things  (darkness, new people, failing in school, losing their parent's love etc.) Sometimes their actions are misinterpreted as deliberate misbehavior.

5. Jealousy. Children may be jealous of a new baby or a brothers' or sisters' accomplishments. They may use misbehavior to get attention.

6. Hurt. Feelings of hurt or disappointment can linger for a long time. Children may seek revenge against people they feel let them down.

Understanding the cause of misbehavior can help you choose an effective method of changing the behavior. 

Never give in to  inconsiderate behavior. When you give in to inconsiderate behavior, children tend to repeat the misbehavior. In order to break negative patterns you must learn to discipline effectively. 

You may also like 9 Ways to Discipline  Effectively. 

What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below.

5 Best Chore List Ideas for Single Parents

In addition to having your children take care of their clothes and personal belongings, you can greatly simplify your life by having them help with daily and weekly chores around the house.

Have your kids share the workload from the time they are very young.  

Give them more responsibility as they get older and are able to do more, but don't expect perfection right away.

Show them how you want things done and praise their early efforts.  Remember that it’s going to take them for time to learn how to do things right.  A gentle suggestion is more helpful to them than impatient criticism. 

Here are the 5 chore list ideas: 

1. Chores are an investment. 

Children who perform chairs chores have an investment in the family home.  

Unlike guests who enjoy the comforts of a home but are not part of what makes it function, children who do chores are personally attached to their home.

2. Chores foster skill development. 

Parents can gradually increase the complexity and number of chores their children are accountable for. As children master an array of tasks, they learn many new skills that help them in other areas of their lives. 

When parents take the time to teach their children how to do different jobs, the children learn how to learn.  They find out they can successfully take on new and different tasks.

3. Chores foster a sense of accomplishment. 

Children enjoy a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when they look back at a job well done.  When children know that their contribution of time and energy has tangible results, they’re motivated to do more.  Smart parents give their children jobs that have visible results and then comment positively on those results.

4. Chores give a feeling of pride. 

Lots of encouragement and praise is important.  Children may take a long time to complete a new job, and you may find the results lest than gratifying.  However, given time, practice, and encouragement, they will keep adding skills to their growing list of abilities.  When parents point out their successes, they feel proud and big.

5. Chores teach that everyone is expected to contribute to the family's well-being. 

Paying children to do chores puts an entirely different slant on the issue.  Payment tends to create the illusion that if children don’t want the money, they aren’t obligated to do the chores.  Family chores should be seen as a child’s contribution to family life, not as an option.

The rewards of being an important part of the family are much more valuable than a few dollars of allowance. 

Contributing to the smooth running of the family gives children self-esteem, confidence, independence, pride, accomplishment, and mastery of important life skills.


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