Here's What You Need to Know About Your Child's Developmental Stages

Numerous studies have shown that those adults who feel the most frustrated by children – – and least competent as parents – – usually have one thing in common.

They don’t know what behaviors are normal and appropriate for children at different stages of development.

This leads the parent to misinterpret their children’s natural behaviors and to have inappropriate expectations, both for the child and for the parent.

Behavior as Communication
Understanding child development takes the emphasis away from your child’s character – looking at your child as good or bad.

The emphasis is put on behavior as communication. Discipline is thus seen as problem solving. Your child needs to be helped to learn a more acceptable manner of communication.

There’s one basic rule you should remember about developmental stages and charts that will save you countless hours of worry. The fact that your child passes through a particular developmental stage is always more important than the age in which your child does it.

In the long run, it really doesn’t matter whether your child learns to walk at 10 months or 15 months – – as long as he learns how to walk.

Your Child's Unique Inner Timetable 

Every child has an inner timetable for growth that’s unique to him. Growth is not a steady upward progression. Instead it is three steps forward, two back, a run around in circles, and often simply standing still before another leap forward.

Also, gaining a better understanding about how children’s minds work at different ages will allow you to make more sense of your child’s behaviors. This understanding can decrease your stress and increase your pleasure from being a parent.

It lessens your frustrations that come from expecting things that a child simply cannot do and incorrectly interpreting your child’s behavior in adult terms.

Rapid Growth Can Also Be Hard on Your Child
As a parent, understand and accept your child’s more difficult stages as necessary times of growth for your child. Appreciate your fact that your child’s phases are not easy for him to live through either.

Rapid growth times are hard on a child. Perhaps it is a small comfort to know that your child’s harder to-live-with stages do alternate with the calmer times, Count on getting periodic breaks.

Information about child development enhances your capacity to respond appropriately to your children. Informed parents are better equipped to problem solve, more confident in their decisions, and more likely to respond sensitively to their children’s developmental needs.

Children who are allowed to develop at their own speed will usually win the race of  life.

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3 No Nonsense Steps to Building Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Self-esteem evolves in kids primarily through the quality of our relationship with them. Because they can’t see themselves directly, children know themselves by reflection.

For the first several years of their lives, you are their major influence. Later on, teachers and friends come into the picture. 

But especially at the beginning you are it with a capital I.

1. Self-Esteem Can Form a Child’s Future

Self-esteem is the real magic wand that can form a child’s future. A child’s self-esteem affects every area of his existence, from the friends he chooses to how well he does academically in school, to what kind of job he chooses, to even a person he chooses to marry. No child has too much self-esteem.

If you take every possible opportunity to point out what your child does well -- praising it descriptively and expressing appreciation-- your child will become more cooperative, competent, and confident. A child who thinks he is good at something, even if he is not – – basketball, math, computer games – – is likely to be more resilient than a child who is never satisfied with his efforts.

2. Be Careful How You View Your Child

If we view our children as stupid, disobedient, disturbed, or guilty of their misdeeds, they would learn to view  themselves as foolish, deficient, or shameful examples of humanity. They will regard us as judges from whom they wish to hide.

They would interpret everything we say as further proof of their unworthiness. If we view them as innocent, or at least merely ignorant, they will gain understanding from their experiences, and continue to regard us as wise partners.

3. Don’t Plant the Seeds of Self Doubt in Your Child

Our children evaluate themselves based upon the opinions we have of them. When we use harsh words, biting comments, and a sarcastic tone of voice, we plant the seeds of self-doubt in their developing minds.

Children who receive a steady diet of these messages end up feeling powerless, inadequate, and unimportant. They start to believe that they are bad and can never do enough.  If you tell children they are bad, that’s what they believe they are – and that’s probably what they will become.

A child feeling good about himself is like a snowball rolling downhill. He will continuously be able to recognize and integrate new proof of his value as he grows and mature.

Keep in mind that your child benefits more from being valued than evaluated.


Do your child feel good about himself? It's based upon your efforts as a parent.

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Know Your Child's Most Important Developmental Need

A major misunderstanding of child rearing has been the idea that meeting a child's needs is an end in itself for the purpose of his mental health. 

Parents have not understood that this is but one step in social development, the goal of which is to help the child begin to consider others. 

As a result, they often have not considered their child but have instead allowed their child's reality to take precedence, out of a fear of damaging him emotionally.

Your Child’s Needs at Stages of Development

At each stage of development your child needs different resources from his family. During your first year, a variety of experiences and the availability of his parents for attachment are primary. 

During his second and third years, stimulation of language development is critical. During his years prior to school entrance, information that persuades him that he is loved becomes critical, and during his school years, it is important for him to believe that he can succeed at the tasks he wants to master.

Your Child’s Most Important Need

Overall, I don't believe that children can develop in a healthy way unless they feel that they have value apart from anything they own or any skill that they learn. 

They need to feel that they enhance the life of someone else, that they are needed. Who, better than parents, can let them know that?

What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below.

Give Chores Based on Child's Age and Personality

Get your children involved in household chores beginning in the preschool years. 

Expecting children to be responsible for certain tasks helps your children to believe in themselves.

Now, review this list below, consider your child's age and personality, and select chores that are appropriate for your children. 

Preschoolers can handle one or two chores. As they gets older and more capable, they can handle a larger quantity of chores as well as those that are more complex.

Ages 2 to 3: Put toys away, fill pet's food dish, put clothes in hamper, wipe up spills, dust, pile magazines, choose clothes and dress self.

Ages 4 to 5: Above, plus, make own bed, empty wastebaskets, bring in mail or newspaper, clip weeds, use hand-held vacuum to pick up crumbs, water flowers, place plastic dishes in sink, and fix bowl of cereal.

Ages 6 to 7: Above, plus, sort laundry, sweep floors, handle personal hygiene, set and clear table, make and pack lunch, rake leaves, keep bedroom tidy, pour own drinks, answer telephone.

Ages 8 to 9: Above, plus, put away groceries, vacuum, help make dinner, make snacks, wash table after meals, put away own laundry, sew buttons, run own bath, make own vegetables, cook simple food (such as toast), mop floor, take pet for a walk, pack own suitcase.

Ages 10 and up: Above, plus, unload dishwasher, fold laundry, clean bathroom, wash windows, cook simple meal with supervision, iron clothes, do laundry, babysit younger siblings, mow lawn, clean kitchen, clean oven, change bed, make cookies or cake from box mix, have neighborhood job such as yard work or shoveling snow.

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5 Best Chore List Ideas for Single Parents

In addition to having your children take care of their clothes and personal belongings, you can greatly simplify your life by having them help with daily and weekly chores around the house.

Have your kids share the workload from the time they are very young.  

Give them more responsibility as they get older and are able to do more, but don't expect perfection right away.

Show them how you want things done and praise their early efforts.  Remember that it’s going to take them for time to learn how to do things right.  A gentle suggestion is more helpful to them than impatient criticism. 

Here are the 5 chore list ideas: 

1. Chores are an investment. 

Children who perform chairs chores have an investment in the family home.  

Unlike guests who enjoy the comforts of a home but are not part of what makes it function, children who do chores are personally attached to their home.

2. Chores foster skill development. 

Parents can gradually increase the complexity and number of chores their children are accountable for. As children master an array of tasks, they learn many new skills that help them in other areas of their lives. 

When parents take the time to teach their children how to do different jobs, the children learn how to learn.  They find out they can successfully take on new and different tasks.

3. Chores foster a sense of accomplishment. 

Children enjoy a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when they look back at a job well done.  When children know that their contribution of time and energy has tangible results, they’re motivated to do more.  Smart parents give their children jobs that have visible results and then comment positively on those results.

4. Chores give a feeling of pride. 

Lots of encouragement and praise is important.  Children may take a long time to complete a new job, and you may find the results lest than gratifying.  However, given time, practice, and encouragement, they will keep adding skills to their growing list of abilities.  When parents point out their successes, they feel proud and big.

5. Chores teach that everyone is expected to contribute to the family's well-being. 

Paying children to do chores puts an entirely different slant on the issue.  Payment tends to create the illusion that if children don’t want the money, they aren’t obligated to do the chores.  Family chores should be seen as a child’s contribution to family life, not as an option.

The rewards of being an important part of the family are much more valuable than a few dollars of allowance. 

Contributing to the smooth running of the family gives children self-esteem, confidence, independence, pride, accomplishment, and mastery of important life skills.


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Rules for Teaching the ABC’s of Social Skills

My Playmate

Although you have a role to play in teaching social skills to your children, it is often best that you play it unobtrusively. 

In particular, you must guard against embarrassing your children by correcting them too publicly and against labeling them as shy  in ways that may lead them to see themselves in just that way. 

Children, then, acquire social skills not so much from adults than from their interaction with one another. They are likely to discover through trial and error which strategies work and which do not, and later to reflect consciously on what they have learned.                       

Children are much more comfortable when they know the guide rules for handling the social amenities. It’s no more fun for the child to be introduced to a strange adult and have no idea what to say or do than it is for a grown up to go to a formal dinner and have no idea what knife or fork to use.

How do you teach social skills to you children? Leave your thoughts below.

How all Single Parents can Manage Time for Personal Growth and Productivity

As a single parent who solely has to meet the needs of your children the three culprits: procrastinations, interruptions, and distractions has to be identified and managed otherwise they will destroy your personal development and productivity efforts.

Procrastinations often arise because psychologically you don't want to do the task and consequently you keep putting it off. 

You either perceive the task as being too difficult, too aggravating, too provoking or all three and try to avoid doing it. However, avoidance is not the solution and the longer you put it off, the more anxious you will become. 

The solution is psychological in nature. You need to relax, visualize the most positive and constructive outcome you can, and then focus on the steps necessary to make the outcome a reality. Take the steps and then be pleasantly surprised at what happens.

Interruptions can be phone calls, someone wanting to visit, or any unanticipated event. Interruptions, however, can be prevented. If you're working at home consider structuring your day and vow to stick to your structure.

Break your day down into time/task segments. For example, if according to your body clock, you are typically alert and do your best mentally challenging work in the morning do it even if you work outside your home.Then when your children come home from school you have the energy and composure to make sure that they adhere to the structure that you have set.

Allow time in the evening to have dinner with your children, helping them with their homework, and listening to their concerns. Afterwards engage in an activity that is personally satisfying and relaxing. Let your children know that you will be setting this time aside for yourself.

Distractions are the result of an undisciplined mind. Distractions principally happen as a matter of choice. You can choose to dwell on the argument you had with a friend or an acquaintance or you can choose to be distracted by unexpected events  instead of focusing on your tasks. The choice is yours.

While procrastinations are also a matter of choice, distractions are even more so. Procrastinations might indeed be associated with having to deal with an unsavory experience such as having to discontinue a relationship, reveal some other type of bad news to someone, or just doing something you just don't want to do but has to be done. 

Distractions on the other hand tend to result from an idle mind - a mind without a focus. Choosing to focus and act on constructive tasks with a strong desire to do so until you complete them eliminates distractions.

Your personal development as well as your productivity depends upon you clearly identifying these three culprits and taking the steps to eliminate them. 

What are your thoughts?

Leave your comments below. 

How to Set Limits for Your Children as a Single Parent

Whether you call them limits or rules, as a single parent you must set them, and you and only you must see to it that they are adhered to. The limits or rules must be practical and within your child's capacity to follow. And they must be consistent and expressive of your loving concern.

It is normal for children to test out limits both in words and in action. Establishing independence from adult authority is a healthy way for children to express their individuality. 

The question is how you as the parent walk the tricky line between allowing your child to express their feelings while still asserting your authority as parent and setting the necessary limits. Children need both latitude of expression and firmly enforced limits on their behavior, in a blend that results in calm, patient management.

What is Effective Discipline?

Effective discipline is essentially setting limits and maintaining the limits while at the same time tailoring the home environment to the developmental level of the child - what the child can handle - and to the individual differences among your children.

Effective discipline is to be distinguished from corporal punishment. Discipline teaches self-control and builds conscience--a sense of right and wrong. Punishment teaches that if you are bigger and stronger than someone else, you can impose your will on that person. Discipline builds a collaborative, cooperative atmosphere while punishment builds a tense authoritative atmosphere. And, punishment is short term and negative while discipline is long term and positive.

Stop Using Corporal Punishment

After making sure the child is not endangering himself or others, the next time you think about using corporal punishment, stop in your tracks, step back and sit down. Or, phone a relative or a friend. Or even better, put in your favorite CD, relax and listen to at least one track. During these few minutes consider what alternative would most effectively change the behavior as well as to further the type of relationship you would like to have with your child.

Limit setting as a disciplinary measure provides the child with the guidelines he needs for everyday behavior. It protects him from the consequences of his own passions and lack of experience and makes clear the known and prescribed consequences. It is then up to you, the parent, to enforce the consequences when your child oversteps the limits. The enforcement should be carried in a matter-of-fact way, without any anger or guilt feelings, with the child being made fully aware that the consequences are a result of his choice.

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