8 Ways to Encourage Your Child's Independence

Children crawl before they walk; walk before they run. One is generally is a precondition for the other. And with each step they take towards more independence, more mastery of the environment, you, the parent take a step away -- each a small separation, a small distancing.

In healthy families, children at an early age, discover through being listened to that what they have to say is important, that their experiences and ideas, and they themselves have worth. 

They are encouraged to think for themselves, express opinions, and make decisions for themselves. Their parents support to stand on their own two feet and do what they think is right. Trusting and gaining confidence in themselves, they develop an inner locus of control.

It's a fine line between wanting your child to head off into the big wide world before they're ready and molly-coddling them.

Here then are 8 ways to encourage your child's independence and foster their self-reliance:

1. Show enthusiasm when your child tries to help, even if it'll take longer. Praise the effort and recognize any task he accomplishes.

2. Help your child make decisions by offering a small choice such as which story to read or what shirt to wear.

3. Give him little responsibilities and gradually increase them based on his capabilities but always within reason, such as putting his clothes in the hamper, putting his toys away, or helping you to get the dinner ready.

4. Praise his ability. This is necessary for a child to believe he's capable of doing things, and that it was his own skill that led to success, rather than luck. For instance, tell him how clever he is for throwing the ball into the hoop, rather than that was lucky.

5. Tempting as it is to say, “I’ll do it,” say ”Let me show you how” instead. That way, your child is learning new skills and not just relying on you to do everything for him.

6. Point out why things are dangerous or unacceptable without belittling the motivation to do things on his own. For example, Having your child use a sharp knife to help with dinner is never a good idea even though your child has seen you use one, showing him how to use a butter knife would be more appropriate.

7. Avoid using the word “no” unless something is dangerous or clearly wrong.

8. Respect a child's feelings and fears. Even if it seems silly to you, ask him why he's afraid and then take time to talk about it.


How much emphasis do you put on encouraging independence in your children?

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