3 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Life as a Single Parent

As a single parent, you are the most important individual in your children's lives. 

Keep yourself in good physical condition. 

If you have young children, you realize how important it is to keep yourself in good shape to deal with the needs of your active offspring. 

If getting a membership at the local health club or YMCA is out of the budget, then find a way to at least get an exercise bike and work out at ten minutes a day and eat a balanced diet.

Now, here are 3 ways to get the most out of your life as your children become grownups:

1. Visualize and pursue a rewarding future that you can realize once you have an empty nest.

Do not allow yourself to be in position of acceding to your grown children's demands because you have an unfulfilled life. Grown children generally have no qualms about asking you to babysit your grandchildren or becoming an unpaid chauffeur.

However, if you have pursued a new direction prior to having an empty nest, then you can easily let your grown children know that on certain dates and times they can come by with the children for a visit, to have dinner, or to enjoy a pleasant conversation. 

But, they will know that at an agreed upon time they will be expected to go home. With this understanding, your grown children will have increased respect for you.

2. Develop and keep quality friends and relationships. 

Good friends and quality relationships are good for your mental health. However, it is essential to make the distinction between friends and acquaintances. 

A friend is someone who cares about your well-being and loves you unconditionally. And furthermore, a friend is supportive of your goals when your goals are in your best interest and will let you know when they are detrimental to your best interest.

Acquaintances often do not have your best interest at heart. Moreover acquaintances are likely to waste your time with idle and useless conversation and get you involved in wasteful activities. 

As a final point, acquaintances often want to use you to meet their own needs whereas in a friendship you and your friend are mutually supportive.

3. Consider your interest and skills and build on them.

Life is worthwhile when you continue to grow throughout your time on this earth. Think about the interests you had when you were in your teenage years that have remained in the back of your mind and never pursued. 

Perhaps you want to own your own business, go back to school to get your degree, become a nurse, social worker, or teacher, or even become a singer or motivational speaker if you have the talent.

The point is to consider your interest and your skills. If you have one or more interests and some skills which match those interests, then build on those interests and skills and let them take you to some new self-fulfilling goals.

When your children are young your most important obligations are to make sure that their needs are met and that they learn the self-reliant skills sufficient enough to become responsible and productive adults. 

While you are providing the required love and discipline for your children, you should have fun with them. 

When they become adults, your role as a parent changes. You become more of an advisor and a confidant. 

Make sure that they understand your new role and boundaries and begin to use the 3 Ways to Get More Out of Life. 

5 Ways All Single Moms Can Get On With Living

Start Living

Breaking up with a spouse or boyfriend should not be viewed as a devastating experience. On the contrary, it should be viewed as a liberating one.

If you were to take a step back, to take a deep breath, and to reflect on how the circumstances fell in place that led up to the break up you will have to admit that you saw it coming. 

You may have resisted accepting it because of fear of being alone and having to start all over, but if the relationship had been characterized by constant arguments, demeaning language, and consistent lack of cooperation, then the absence of this type of stress should be well received. 

It is indeed time to get on with living.

Here are 5 ways to do so:

1. Eliminate the other person entirely from your life. 
Cut the ties completely. Make up your mind that you will not accept any phone calls or any other type of communication from this former relationship. 

Get rid of anything the other person left behind -- pictures, clothing, and any other type of memorabilia. This is making sure that the breakup is complete.

2. Don't rush to replace this person with someone else. 
Pause, take time to understand and appreciate yourself. Make sure that the next individual is someone you to can talk to and is compatible with your values, goals, and lifestyle.

3. Beyond intimate relationships, begin to choose your friends wisely. 
Make sure you understand the difference between friends and acquaintances. A friend is someone with whom you can trust with your secrets; someone who is willing to help you in different ways; and, someone, who has your best interest at heart and vice versa. 

In contrast, an acquaintance is someone with whom may occasionally have a pleasurable conversation and attend some events but don't offer you the same benefits that come from a friendship.

4. Consider acquiring a new skill, taking up a hobby, and going to new and different types of events. 
If you have been thinking about learning line dancing, then do so; if you have been thinking about learning to garden, then do so; and, if you have been thinking about going to a jazz, folk, or country music concert, then do so.

5. And, finally work on acquiring the attitude of self-reliance. 
Begin enjoying your own company. Make yourself a more interesting person and you began to attract the type of person with whom you can have a satisfying relationship.

Most of all get on with living!

Are you ready to get on with living? Leave your comments below.

9 Tips To Live Successfully as a Single Mom

Single parenting can be stressful and if you have several children it can often be extremely stressful. 

However, when you focus on organizing your home, yourself, and your children, your stress can be significantly lessened. 

Even though you have the total responsibility for meeting the needs of your children, your children can learn to respect that you need to have time for yourself and adjust themselves accordingly. 

Also, as they grow older their distinct personalities will begin to emerge, one will be more independent than the other, and their unique talents and skills will also emerge. Then it’s up to you to recognize the differences in your children and build upon their strengths.

Meanwhile, here are the 9 Single Parenting Tips for you to successfully live by:

1. Communicate Openly 
Honestly and Often. Establish and maintain open communication and encourage clear and open expressions of thoughts and feelings. This develops trusting relationships with your children. Consistently praise their good and worthwhile efforts.

2. Accept Responsibility. 
Try to accept the responsibilities and challenges of single parenting. Don't minimize or exaggerate problems but be solution-oriented without self-pity, hostility, or bitterness.

3. Organize Your Home. 
Strive to be well organized and dependable and work hard to coordinate schedules. Put a chart on the refrigerator which breaks down household chores and make sure that the children have reminders of important tasks, events, and school happenings, Be prepared to make changes in order to cope with daily demands.

4. Take Care of Yourself. 
You can best take care of your children when you take care of yourself. If you are a new parent, have a friend or a relative come by regularly for the first few weeks. Or share babysitting. Take turns giving another single parent a break for a few hours, and then have the other parent return the favor at another time.

5. Family Commitment. 
Realize that you are not magically equipped with parental love or a “mothering instinct” which enables you to automatically care for your babies and children. It takes time, patience, experience, and effort to build a positive parent-child relationship and become an effective parent.

6. Recognize Family Traditions 
Nothing makes a child feel safer than consistent customs and traditions -- from a child's bedtime to family times, birthdays, holidays, and special events. Strive to keep the traditions going even if things get difficult.

7. Stay Positive. Attitude is a Choice 
Strive to have a positive attitude toward parenting,children and life in general. Remember your children are always watching you and will draw strength from you.

8. Manage Stress. 
Leave the room for a short time when you are losing control. You can deal more effectively with children and situations when you have time to collect your thoughts and calm down. Stress and strain are not productive to good parenting. Find a way to relieve pressure. Don’t take it out on your children.

 9. Live One Day at a Time. 
Don’t dwell on the past. Live in the present. Identify and prioritize what you need to accomplish each day and do it. Simplifying your life will keep you calm and your children will emulate you and benefit from your example. 

I welcome your comments. Leave them below.

Five Most Common Single Parenting Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

If you are like most parents, raising children and finding time for yourself can be a challenge. 

Discipline and love in equal amounts are essential in raising children. 

And, for single parents the challenge is for you to find the time to dose it out equally to your only child or to your several children. Indeed, to discipline is to show your love. 

An undisciplined child is an unloved child and one who is unprepared to deal with the real world and the situations he will be faced with. Don't let your child down.

Now, here are the 5 Most Common Mistakes many parents make in child raising and how to avoid it:

1. Not Setting Appropriate Limits
Clear, consistent limits teach children to control themselves; to know what is right and wrong; and, to know what is acceptable behavior.

2. Not Following through on Rules and Discipline
The consequences of not following through on rules and discipline are usually similar to not setting appropriate limits.

3. Constantly Criticizing your Child
Instead of criticizing your child, a better way would be to show him support and love, enhancing his self image, and have him to be surer of himself.

4. Trying to Substantially Change your Child’s Personality
The impulse to change your child to your liking is particularly strong, especially if you see them imitating something in you that you are not at all proud of. Often continuing an effort to change your child would have the reverse effect. 

He will often feel worse about himself about not being able to change and resents not being accepted as he is.

5. Fostering Dependency Long After It’s Realistic
Successful parenting ideally prepares children to make their way in the world as well as they can. If your child efforts at independence are thwarted in any way, they will have much more difficulty in establishing an independent existence.


Do you have some common mistakes you would like to include? Leave your comments below.

Know your Type of Parenting Style and What You Need to Change

A wise observer of the human condition once commented that the politics of the family is the politics of the nation. 

Just as the authoritarian family can be the state in microcosm, the democratic family is the best training ground for life in a democracy. 

To take this perspective further, the two most easily identified parenting styles in our democratic society, whether you are a single parent or not, is the authoritarian style and the permissive style. 

But both have their drawbacks regarding your relationship with your child.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style
The authoritarian style tends to expedite things, but because of the characteristic one-way communication, it does not produce independent thinking and functioning on the part of your child. In contrast, your child perceives the permissive style as indifference. 

A child can not feel valued by a parent who is forever absorbed in her own affairs. 

Neither style allows the child to become a participant in the decision-making process which allows the child to develop the capacity to decide what to do, to take responsibility for it, and develop autonomy and independence.

The authoritarian style stems in part from the fact that parents, often in dangerous, crime-ridden neighborhoods, see around them so many young people whose lives are touched by the pain and delinquency which so often accompanies a life of poverty. 

Consequently, they fear for their children's future--fear that they will lose control and that their children will wind up in the street or worse yet, in jail.

The Permissive Parenting Style
On the other hand because you cannot control all that our children see, hear, and who they play with, it is tempting to throw up your hands and do nothing -- that is, to choose permissiveness. 

The choice, however, is not an either/or situation. Although you cannot do everything, you can do something. And that is to talk with your children and teenagers about unexpected encounters with inappropriate violence, sexuality, and profanity. 

You need to teach your children to learn right and wrong without being judgmental, to be cautious without imparting fear, to be assertive without being pushy, to stick with routines without sacrificing spontaneity, and to be determined without being stubborn.

Children must not be allowed to spew forth whatever is on their minds under the notion of family closeness, but should be allowed to respond--to talk about their experiences, express their thoughts and feelings, and ask for what they want and need in an atmosphere of respect. In so doing, children will be able to develop an integrated sense of self and their own unique personalities.


What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below

11 Qualities for Helping Your Child Become Successful

Single parenting continues to be a challenge and even more so in this era. 

You want the best for your child. 

You want to both equip your child to deal with the temptations and distractions that is so prevalent as well as to make good choices. 

The late, great Earl Nightingale once defined success as the progressive realization of a worthy goal. 

If your goal for your child is for him to have admirable personal qualities and beyond just the attainment of wealth, fame, or prosperity, then these eleven qualities are what you want your child to acquire:

 1. To be a one who forms meaningful relationships with others            
 2. To be empathetic and compassionate
 3. To be respectful
 4. To be smart
 5. To be healthy
 6. To make wise choices
 7. to think and act morally
 8. To have confidence
 9. To have a healthy attitude towards sexuality.
10. To communicate well, and 
11. To have a pleasant attitude.

You want these success tools to become part of your child’s inner self – – a way of thinking, a way of acting; something the child is, and not something the child does.

Children take different roads to attain these goals. 

For some, the way is smooth and straight; for others it is bumpy and winding. In fact, the children whose way lies along the most difficult roads are often the ones who best learn how to use these tools for success.

Your thoughts. Leave your comments below.

Why Discipline Works and Punishment Don't

Equal Doses of Love and Discipline

The terms punishment and discipline are often used interchangeably.  However, there are significant distinctions that need to be made.

The importance of understanding and implementing these distinctions when it comes to raising your children is as important as knowing the difference between a thunderstorm with lightning and a gentle rain following a humid summer afternoon.

Punishment implies that you are imposing your will upon the other person.  This type of imposition can range from harsh physical whippings to verbal put-downs and denigrations.

The result is that the child doesn't learn new behaviors, but how to do hide the unacceptable behaviors so as to avoid the reaction from the parent. 

When my brother and I were kids we learned how behave in certain ways when we were in the presence of our grandmother who believed in physical punishment. 

But when we were where she could not see us, we behaved as typically mischievous kids who wanted to do what we wanted to do.

Discipline, on the other hand, implies that you are teaching the child how to behave in a acceptable manner given whatever the situation is.  

It is teaching a child by example; by withholding privileges and explaining why and how to regain the privileges; and, by praising and encouraging the child's efforts.  

When you punish your child you engender fear and resentment.  And, when the child is old enough you will get resistance and rebellion, or even worse, a runaway.  

What you are not likely to get is a child who has learned how to behave appropriately in social situations and able to make the right choices when the need is presented.

A disciplined child is one who is likely to make the right choices when temptation occurs; one who has learned how to handle different situations without much uncertainty, and, one who can prioritize his actions.

Take time to discipline your child and stop using punishment.  Punishing a child may make you feel powerful, but it is not beneficial to your child.  

Discipline your child properly and you'll have a child that you'll be proud of and one who will grow up into a strong, self-reliant adult.

That's what you want isn't it?

Leave your comments below.

How to Develop and Maintain a Close Relationship with Your Children

Keep Your Relationship Strong

  You naturally have a close relationship        with your children when they are in              their infancy because you have to                  constantly meet  their needs. 

   They still have needs, and you must remain the central factor in meeting their need for love and belonging, otherwise they will seek it elsewhere.   

   Raising children is a creative endeavor, an art rather than a science, and the quality of your relationship with your children is the key. 

Consider these 8 Ways to Develop and Maintain a close relationship with your children:

  1. Tell your kids you love them. 

   Never pass up an opportunity to tell your child you love him. It gets harder as he gets older and begins naturally to pull away, but continue to tell him you love him, and sneak in a kiss and a hug whenever you can. 

Don't get discouraged when he doesn't reciprocate. It's his job to establish his independence - and to appear not to want your affection - but it's your job to continue to be there for him, loving him all the while. 

2.Show your kids you love them. 

   Spend time with them each day, give them hugs and kisses, listen to their stories, play games with them even their computer games as they get older. 

   Go to their school conferences and concerts, to their baseball games, and applaud their performances in school plays. 

3.Accept your children for who they are. 

   Much of our children's character is beyond your control. What you can control is how you deal them and what you say. Encourage your kids' special interests and strengths. 

   Don't try to make them into something they aren't - your son may never be the great sports star or your daughter may never become a medical doctor, but still they may fulfill their potential in their chosen profession.   

4.Love your children unconditionally. 

   This means you love them no matter what. It doesn't mean you can't get upset with them, it just means you can't punish them by withholding your love when you're angry.  Furthermore, eliminate physical punishment altogether.

5.When you get angry with your child, address the issue, not the character. 

   Even though he's done something wrong, that doesn’t make him a bad person. 

   Phrases that reinforce this idea are "I love you very much, but I don't like what you've done," or "I'm disappointed in your behavior." 

   Never say "What's wrong with you?" or "How can you be so stupid?" Communicate your displeasure. Be firm about your rules, but never disparage his character. 

6. Stay attuned to your child's problems and needs. 

    Strive to simplify your life. Keep in mind that one of the major reasons to keep life simple is so you'll be able to stay connected with your children. 

   By doing so, you'll under­stand their normal ups and downs, so that when they have a problem you'll be able to see the change in their behavior and help them to deal with it. 

7.Find a mutual interest. 

   As children grow up, they grow away from us as well. You can't force them to stay close, but find things to do together that will encourage a continued intimacy. 

   This is especially important with teenagers - they’ll become strangers, and can potentially get in trouble, if you don't find something you can do together. 

The earlier you establish the practice of doing things with your kids, the easier it will be to continue to be a part of their lives as they get older. 

   And the more a part of your teenager's life, the more opportunities there are to talk about serious issues such as smoking, drinking, drugs, and sex. 

8.Acknowledge their accomplishments. 

   Tell your kids how proud you are of them. Let them know you notice their efforts, no matter how small - from dressing on their own, picking up their toys, or from taking a phone message accurately, to improving their grades. 

Not only does this help to establish a bond between you and lets them know you're paying attention, but it gives them something to live up to. Never break your bond with your child. 

Would you like to add to these ways? Leave your comments below.