Five Most Common Single Parenting Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

If you are like most parents, raising children and finding time for yourself can be a challenge. 

Discipline and love in equal amounts are essential in raising children. 

And, for single parents the challenge is for you to find the time to dose it out equally to your only child or to your several children. Indeed, to discipline is to show your love. 

An undisciplined child is an unloved child and one who is unprepared to deal with the real world and the situations he will be faced with. Don't let your child down.

Now, here are the 5 Most Common Mistakes many parents make in child raising and how to avoid it:

1. Not Setting Appropriate Limits
Clear, consistent limits teach children to control themselves; to know what is right and wrong; and, to know what is acceptable behavior.

2. Not Following through on Rules and Discipline
The consequences of not following through on rules and discipline are usually similar to not setting appropriate limits.

3. Constantly Criticizing your Child
Instead of criticizing your child, a better way would be to show him support and love, enhancing his self image, and have him to be surer of himself.

4. Trying to Substantially Change your Child’s Personality
The impulse to change your child to your liking is particularly strong, especially if you see them imitating something in you that you are not at all proud of. Often continuing an effort to change your child would have the reverse effect. 

He will often feel worse about himself about not being able to change and resents not being accepted as he is.

5. Fostering Dependency Long After It’s Realistic
Successful parenting ideally prepares children to make their way in the world as well as they can. If your child efforts at independence are thwarted in any way, they will have much more difficulty in establishing an independent existence.


Do you have some common mistakes you would like to include? Leave your comments below.

11 Qualities for Helping Your Child Become Successful

Single parenting continues to be a challenge and even more so in this era. 

You want the best for your child. 

You want to both equip your child to deal with the temptations and distractions that is so prevalent as well as to make good choices. 

The late, great Earl Nightingale once defined success as the progressive realization of a worthy goal. 

If your goal for your child is for him to have admirable personal qualities and beyond just the attainment of wealth, fame, or prosperity, then these eleven qualities are what you want your child to acquire:

 1. To be a one who forms meaningful relationships with others            
 2. To be empathetic and compassionate
 3. To be respectful
 4. To be smart
 5. To be healthy
 6. To make wise choices
 7. to think and act morally
 8. To have confidence
 9. To have a healthy attitude towards sexuality.
10. To communicate well, and 
11. To have a pleasant attitude.

You want these success tools to become part of your child’s inner self – – a way of thinking, a way of acting; something the child is, and not something the child does.

Children take different roads to attain these goals. 

For some, the way is smooth and straight; for others it is bumpy and winding. In fact, the children whose way lies along the most difficult roads are often the ones who best learn how to use these tools for success.

Your thoughts. Leave your comments below.

How to Develop and Maintain a Close Relationship with Your Children

Keep Your Relationship Strong

  You naturally have a close relationship        with your children when they are in              their infancy because you have to                  constantly meet  their needs. 

   They still have needs, and you must remain the central factor in meeting their need for love and belonging, otherwise they will seek it elsewhere.   

   Raising children is a creative endeavor, an art rather than a science, and the quality of your relationship with your children is the key. 

Consider these 8 Ways to Develop and Maintain a close relationship with your children:

  1. Tell your kids you love them. 

   Never pass up an opportunity to tell your child you love him. It gets harder as he gets older and begins naturally to pull away, but continue to tell him you love him, and sneak in a kiss and a hug whenever you can. 

Don't get discouraged when he doesn't reciprocate. It's his job to establish his independence - and to appear not to want your affection - but it's your job to continue to be there for him, loving him all the while. 

2.Show your kids you love them. 

   Spend time with them each day, give them hugs and kisses, listen to their stories, play games with them even their computer games as they get older. 

   Go to their school conferences and concerts, to their baseball games, and applaud their performances in school plays. 

3.Accept your children for who they are. 

   Much of our children's character is beyond your control. What you can control is how you deal them and what you say. Encourage your kids' special interests and strengths. 

   Don't try to make them into something they aren't - your son may never be the great sports star or your daughter may never become a medical doctor, but still they may fulfill their potential in their chosen profession.   

4.Love your children unconditionally. 

   This means you love them no matter what. It doesn't mean you can't get upset with them, it just means you can't punish them by withholding your love when you're angry.  Furthermore, eliminate physical punishment altogether.

5.When you get angry with your child, address the issue, not the character. 

   Even though he's done something wrong, that doesn’t make him a bad person. 

   Phrases that reinforce this idea are "I love you very much, but I don't like what you've done," or "I'm disappointed in your behavior." 

   Never say "What's wrong with you?" or "How can you be so stupid?" Communicate your displeasure. Be firm about your rules, but never disparage his character. 

6. Stay attuned to your child's problems and needs. 

    Strive to simplify your life. Keep in mind that one of the major reasons to keep life simple is so you'll be able to stay connected with your children. 

   By doing so, you'll under­stand their normal ups and downs, so that when they have a problem you'll be able to see the change in their behavior and help them to deal with it. 

7.Find a mutual interest. 

   As children grow up, they grow away from us as well. You can't force them to stay close, but find things to do together that will encourage a continued intimacy. 

   This is especially important with teenagers - they’ll become strangers, and can potentially get in trouble, if you don't find something you can do together. 

The earlier you establish the practice of doing things with your kids, the easier it will be to continue to be a part of their lives as they get older. 

   And the more a part of your teenager's life, the more opportunities there are to talk about serious issues such as smoking, drinking, drugs, and sex. 

8.Acknowledge their accomplishments. 

   Tell your kids how proud you are of them. Let them know you notice their efforts, no matter how small - from dressing on their own, picking up their toys, or from taking a phone message accurately, to improving their grades. 

Not only does this help to establish a bond between you and lets them know you're paying attention, but it gives them something to live up to. Never break your bond with your child. 

Would you like to add to these ways? Leave your comments below.

6 Ways to Improve your Children’s Grades

How does your style as a parent affect the grades your children receive in school? 

Is there anything that you, as the parent, can do to help your children improve their grades? 

The answer to both these questions is a definite yes. According to a Stanford University study by researcher Sanford M. Dornbusch, there is a relationship between parents' actions and their children's school performance. 

Parents can, and do, have an influence on their children's grades. Here's what you can do to help your children get better grades in school.

1.  Be firm, yet encouraging. Set reasonable guidelines for your children and stick to them, but also take the time to explain the reasons for the rules. 

Try to give your children the sense that you have confidence in their capabilities and that you know they are trying. Even if they aren't always trying their hardest, they may put more effort into their work knowing you think so highly of them.

2.   Communicate. Talk with your children in terms they can understand. Explain to them why you think school is important and why they need to do their homework. It may not make mathematics any easier, but at least they know that you value what they are doing. And take time to really listen to what they have to say. 

You can let them know you're listening by giving a one-sentence summary of what they said before going on to what you want to tell them. 

3.  Let them play. Unlikely as it may seem, participation in school sports is associated with better grades. This is because children use play as a way of learning, rather than just as a diversion, as most adults do. They also have more energy than most adults and need a constructive outlet for it.

4.  Praise your children. Low-key support, such as praise and encouragement, works better than material rewards or big, exaggerated emotional responses. Creating rewards and punishments is not effective because children become more concerned with them than with their schoolwork. 

Try to help them understand that though they may not always enjoy what they're doing, it's important that they persevere. There is an exception, however, to low-key support. When a child's grades are very poor, stronger intervention is necessary. 

The school and parents should work together to find out what is causing the low grades and take steps to correct the problem. You must keep in constant contact with the school to demonstrate your concern. Don't wait for them to contact you if you sense a problem.

5.  Don't overreact. If your children bring home poor report cards, don't get visibly upset because this will only worsen the situation. Your distress will upset your children more and this will lead to poorer grades over time. Follow the guidelines listed here.

6.  Don't be too responsible. When all is said and done, you can't control everything that happens to your children. There are many factors beyond your reach that may influence school performance. Your children's friends, teachers and neighborhood all have an impact. 

Don't take too much responsibility for what goes wrong. You have a responsibility to try to help your children do the best they can in school, but you are not responsible for the results.

      What are your strategies for improving your children's grades? Leave your comments below.

9 Superb Ways to Effectively Discipline your Child

Only the term discipline will be used here, I do not believe that punishment should ever be used in any attempt to manage children's behavior. 

The goal of all disciplinary strategies is to encourages positive behavior. 

Punishment breeds resentment and when the child gets older-- rebellion or even running away may happen. 

Consider these 9 Ways to Discipline Effectively:

1. Give children love. All children need to know they are loved. Younger children especially need the reassurance of hugs, kisses, smiles, and praise. Immediate praise encourages children to repeat positive behavior. 

2. Listen to your children. Adults like attention when they speak, so do children. Listen carefully do (not absentmindedly) to your child. Your child may be flattered by your interest and even try harder to please you. Busy parents need to set aside a special listening time each day for the children (for example while doing the dishes or before bedtime.)

3. Understand your child. Needs and wants change as children grow older. For example young children need to know parents are near. Most teenagers need some privacy as well as regular outings with friends. Listening and  observing carefully will help you deal with these changes.

4. Set limits. Realistic limits are necessary for safety and for the family’s’ happiness. Setting limits involves: Explanation-- Sharing with children the reason for the proposed limits. Discussion-- coming to an agreement on the need for the limits, and ensure that the limits are understood. Repetition – reminding children about limits until self-discipline developed.

Children may test you to see if you’re serious. At other times, they may forget what they are supposed to do. All youngsters need limits on: time (bedtime, curfews); boundaries (you may not know go here and not there); and, behavior (you may do this and not that). Enforce limits firmly and fairly 

5. Give rewards. To help establish what is desired, give praise properly every time your child responds appropriately. Younger children love smiles, hugs, kisses, and thank you’s. Older children respond to praise, special privileges, etc. (use material rewards sparingly.)

6. Promote independence. When children understand and agree to limits, they are learning to set their own. To promote independence allow your child to share in decisions. As he or she grows older, give increased responsibility for setting limits. Provide encouragement and comfort whenever your child experiences failure.

7. Discuss emotions. Let your child know you understand that he or she is angry and frustrated and that it's okay to feel that way. Let your child know your feelings, too. Eventually your child will learn to talk about feelings – instead of misbehaving.

8. Promote responsibility. Give children jobs to do at home. Even very young children can put away their toys and clothes. To encourage responsibility, discuss what needs to be done; assign jobs to each child (rotate chores for fairness); set time limits for completing jobs; and, check to make sure jobs are done. Praise children for completing tasks to help them develop their confidence.

9. Set a good example. Children learn from watching others. If you want them to be on time, you should be also. If you want them to pick up their clothes, you should pick up your own. If you want them to speak softly, so should you. If you want them to be polite, you should use "please", "thank you", etc., when talking with your children and others. You want them to stick to limits, you should set your own limits and stick to them.

            Do you accept the distinction between discipline and                punishment?  Leave your comments below. 

6 Key Reasons Why Children Misbehave and What to do About It

You need to recognize that the negative behavior accompanying certain stages is just a small part of the total child.

It should not become the main focus nor be pushed into the lime light. Rather, it should be addressed with love, understanding,  and effective discipline.

Now, here are the 6 Key Reasons Why Children Misbehave:

1. Hungry, tired, or sick. At times they misbehave just because they are hungry, tired, or sick.

2. Uninformed about wrong behavior. They were never told that a certain behavior was wrong.

3. Anger. Children may become angry when they don’t get what they want. If you give in to angry demands, your child learns that anger "works" and will continue to use it.

4. Fear. Children may be afraid of many things  (darkness, new people, failing in school, losing their parent's love etc.) Sometimes their actions are misinterpreted as deliberate misbehavior.

5. Jealousy. Children may be jealous of a new baby or a brothers' or sisters' accomplishments. They may use misbehavior to get attention.

6. Hurt. Feelings of hurt or disappointment can linger for a long time. Children may seek revenge against people they feel let them down.

Understanding the cause of misbehavior can help you choose an effective method of changing the behavior. 

Never give in to  inconsiderate behavior. When you give in to inconsiderate behavior, children tend to repeat the misbehavior. In order to break negative patterns you must learn to discipline effectively. 

You may also like 9 Ways to Discipline  Effectively. 

What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below.

14 No Nonsense Ways to Help Your Child Read Better

As the former Secretary of Education William Bennett, once wrote, children learn to read by reading. Many American schoolchildren, however, read ten or fewer pages a day for school  and homework combined.

Your child will not become a really strong reader with such a limited amount of experience. He needs to be reading at home everyday. Especially if his homework is light, non-existent, or it's summer time, he needs to spend some additional time with books.

Here are the 14 No Nonsense Ways to Help Your Child Read Better:

1. Make certain your child’s reading material is appropriate for his or her level. If not, modify or adjust reading material to your child’s ability level

2. Have your child verbally paraphrase material just read in order to enhance his or her comprehension.

3. Teach your child to identify the main point in the material in order to enhance his or her comprehension.

4. Have your child outline, underline,or highlight important points in the reading material

5. Have your child read progressively longer segments of reading material in order to build comprehension skills (e.g.begin with a single paragraph and progress to several paragraphs, short stores, etc.)

6. Have your child list new or difficult words in categories such as people, food, animals, things that are hot etc.

7. When your child encounters  a new word or one whose meaning is not understood, have your child practice making up sentences in which the words can be used in the correct context.

8. Have your child identify one word each day that is not understood and require him or her to use that word throughout the day in various situations.

9. Make certain your child learns the meaning of all commonly used prefixes and suffixes.

10. Give your child time to read a selection more than once, emphasizing accuracy not speed.

11. Reduce the amount of material your child reads at one time (e.g., reduce reading materials to single sentences on a page, a single paragraph, etc.). Gradually increase the amount of material as your child experiences success.

12. Highlight or underline important information your child should pay close attention to when reading.

13. Make certain that your child learn dictionary skills in order to find the meanings of words independently.

14. Stop your child at various points throughout a reading selection to check for comprehension.



What would you like to add to this list. Leave your comments below.