9 Tips To Live Successfully as a Single Mom

Single parenting can be stressful and if you have several children it can often be extremely stressful. 

However, when you focus on organizing your home, yourself, and your children, your stress can be significantly lessened. 

Even though you have the total responsibility for meeting the needs of your children, your children can learn to respect that you need to have time for yourself and adjust themselves accordingly. 

Also, as they grow older their distinct personalities will begin to emerge, one will be more independent than the other, and their unique talents and skills will also emerge. Then it’s up to you to recognize the differences in your children and build upon their strengths.

Meanwhile, here are the 9 Single Parenting Tips for you to successfully live by:

1. Communicate Openly 
Honestly and Often. Establish and maintain open communication and encourage clear and open expressions of thoughts and feelings. This develops trusting relationships with your children. Consistently praise their good and worthwhile efforts.

2. Accept Responsibility. 
Try to accept the responsibilities and challenges of single parenting. Don't minimize or exaggerate problems but be solution-oriented without self-pity, hostility, or bitterness.

3. Organize Your Home. 
Strive to be well organized and dependable and work hard to coordinate schedules. Put a chart on the refrigerator which breaks down household chores and make sure that the children have reminders of important tasks, events, and school happenings, Be prepared to make changes in order to cope with daily demands.

4. Take Care of Yourself. 
You can best take care of your children when you take care of yourself. If you are a new parent, have a friend or a relative come by regularly for the first few weeks. Or share babysitting. Take turns giving another single parent a break for a few hours, and then have the other parent return the favor at another time.

5. Family Commitment. 
Realize that you are not magically equipped with parental love or a “mothering instinct” which enables you to automatically care for your babies and children. It takes time, patience, experience, and effort to build a positive parent-child relationship and become an effective parent.

6. Recognize Family Traditions 
Nothing makes a child feel safer than consistent customs and traditions -- from a child's bedtime to family times, birthdays, holidays, and special events. Strive to keep the traditions going even if things get difficult.

7. Stay Positive. Attitude is a Choice 
Strive to have a positive attitude toward parenting,children and life in general. Remember your children are always watching you and will draw strength from you.

8. Manage Stress. 
Leave the room for a short time when you are losing control. You can deal more effectively with children and situations when you have time to collect your thoughts and calm down. Stress and strain are not productive to good parenting. Find a way to relieve pressure. Don’t take it out on your children.

 9. Live One Day at a Time. 
Don’t dwell on the past. Live in the present. Identify and prioritize what you need to accomplish each day and do it. Simplifying your life will keep you calm and your children will emulate you and benefit from your example. 

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6 Ways to Improve your Children’s Grades

How does your style as a parent affect the grades your children receive in school? 

Is there anything that you, as the parent, can do to help your children improve their grades? 

The answer to both these questions is a definite yes. According to a Stanford University study by researcher Sanford M. Dornbusch, there is a relationship between parents' actions and their children's school performance. 

Parents can, and do, have an influence on their children's grades. Here's what you can do to help your children get better grades in school.

1.  Be firm, yet encouraging. Set reasonable guidelines for your children and stick to them, but also take the time to explain the reasons for the rules. 

Try to give your children the sense that you have confidence in their capabilities and that you know they are trying. Even if they aren't always trying their hardest, they may put more effort into their work knowing you think so highly of them.

2.   Communicate. Talk with your children in terms they can understand. Explain to them why you think school is important and why they need to do their homework. It may not make mathematics any easier, but at least they know that you value what they are doing. And take time to really listen to what they have to say. 

You can let them know you're listening by giving a one-sentence summary of what they said before going on to what you want to tell them. 

3.  Let them play. Unlikely as it may seem, participation in school sports is associated with better grades. This is because children use play as a way of learning, rather than just as a diversion, as most adults do. They also have more energy than most adults and need a constructive outlet for it.

4.  Praise your children. Low-key support, such as praise and encouragement, works better than material rewards or big, exaggerated emotional responses. Creating rewards and punishments is not effective because children become more concerned with them than with their schoolwork. 

Try to help them understand that though they may not always enjoy what they're doing, it's important that they persevere. There is an exception, however, to low-key support. When a child's grades are very poor, stronger intervention is necessary. 

The school and parents should work together to find out what is causing the low grades and take steps to correct the problem. You must keep in constant contact with the school to demonstrate your concern. Don't wait for them to contact you if you sense a problem.

5.  Don't overreact. If your children bring home poor report cards, don't get visibly upset because this will only worsen the situation. Your distress will upset your children more and this will lead to poorer grades over time. Follow the guidelines listed here.

6.  Don't be too responsible. When all is said and done, you can't control everything that happens to your children. There are many factors beyond your reach that may influence school performance. Your children's friends, teachers and neighborhood all have an impact. 

Don't take too much responsibility for what goes wrong. You have a responsibility to try to help your children do the best they can in school, but you are not responsible for the results.

      What are your strategies for improving your children's grades? Leave your comments below.

Secrets for Making Sure Homework is Done Efficiently and Effectively

Reading is Essential

It's back to school time. So let's talk about homework. Homework is about more than academics. It teaches children how to manage time. 

It reinforces the priority of learning and ensures that home and school are working together toward this goal. It's also your chance to find out what your child is studying in school and observe how he or she works and learns. 

Since children think and learn differently, it helps to customize a homework plan for your child. 

To get you started, here are 6 tips to help you to overcome homework hassles.

1. Consider giving your children an hour or so of relaxing playtime after school before they begin homework. Some children really need this time to unwind after hours of concentrating at school. Yet be sure that the kids know homework must be completed in a timely fashion.

2. Let your children sit at the kitchen table doing homework while you prepare dinner. That way, if they have any questions, you are right there to help them. Another way would be to organize a homework hour after the evening meal. Children can still sit around the kitchen table to do their homework. 

3.Set aside a "family homework hour" when your child sits at the table and does her schoolwork while you also sit at the table and pay bills or catch up on your reading. You're available to help or answer questions.

4. As children become teens, they need a quiet place to study, usually their own room. Some preteens develop more efficient homework habits if given their own private place to study. Other children regard homework as less of a chore and more of a family activity if they're allowed to do homework with you close by to encourage and help. 

5. To complete homework tasks efficiently, store needed supplies in a convenient place, easily accessible to all. Doing math problems is frustrating when it takes fifteen minutes to find a pencil with an eraser (yes, pencils and erasers). Stock up on poster boards, report covers, markers, and crayons to avoid last-minute runs to the store when special projects are due.  

6. If your child is struggling with a certain subject, take a special field trip or turn it into an arts-and-crafts project to make what's in the book applicable to real life. Many children drudge through homework because they don't see its relevance. Help your child make connections between schoolwork and the world around him. 

By regarding homework as a family activity rather than a chore that interferes with quality family time, you reinforce that learning is an expected priority and that it can be fun. It's up to parents to point this out. 

Although some parents complain that their children have too much homework, statistics show that most children spend more time watching noneducational tv or playing video games than doing productive homework.


Leave your comments below. 

As a Single Mom by Choice or Fate - Your Children Need Love and Discipline

Let's face it. You can't change what happened between you and your spouse or your child's father, but as a single mother, you can change your attitude about it. And, by doing so you will benefit both yourself and your children. 

Forgiveness doesn't mean that what your ex did was right or that you condone what he or she did, it simply means that you no longer want to hold a grudge and choose to put it behind you. 

You have many choices. You can choose forgiveness over revenge and action over apathy. You hold the key to making to your emotional adjustment to the elimination of the other parent and consequently how your children will adapt.

Your Children's Distress
Children react differently to this elimination depending upon their ages and the intensity and duration of the conflicts prior to the breakup. But all children react with some degree of distress. 

Children often feel somewhat vaguely responsible for this depending upon the intensity of their relationship with the other parent. They may also be frightened because they are apprehensive about the future.

In addition, they frequently may lose interest in their schoolwork; they may become hostile, aggressive, depressed, and, in some cases, even suicidal. 

Moreover, many physical symptoms of stress often appear in the children, such as irritability, insomnia, loss of appetite, and skin disorders.

After about two years, however, a new balance develops and the acute distress the children experienced earlier lessens. They learn to adjust and to carry on their lives. In many cases where there was a marriage which was marked by severe conflicts over a long time, the children seem better off some two years after the divorce than they were prior to or shortly after the breakup.

Reassure Your Children
No matter how children came to be living with just one parent, they must be told, again and again, that their family's situation is the result of an adult decision or an act of fate that has nothing whatsoever to do with them. 

The most important help you can give is to reassure your children that they are not responsible for the break up or divorce and to help them to adjust by establishing and maintaining regular routines in your home and not letting the children take sides in your adult dispute.

Give Equal Doses of Love and Discipline
Many single parents say that they need to be both a mother and a father to the child. This is impossible, so rule out the idea. As a single parent, you cannot be both a man and a woman. You are a parent. 

Forget dating early in the divorce and don't emphasize striking a balance between work and family until later.

Most single parents, whether they are divorced, widowed, or single by choice, say that discipline is by far the toughest issue. Focus on providing at least an equal amount of love and discipline. In fact, if you love your children you will discipline them properly.


What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below.

9 Superb Ways to Effectively Discipline your Child

Only the term discipline will be used here, I do not believe that punishment should ever be used in any attempt to manage children's behavior. 

The goal of all disciplinary strategies is to encourages positive behavior. 

Punishment breeds resentment and when the child gets older-- rebellion or even running away may happen. 

Consider these 9 Ways to Discipline Effectively:

1. Give children love. All children need to know they are loved. Younger children especially need the reassurance of hugs, kisses, smiles, and praise. Immediate praise encourages children to repeat positive behavior. 

2. Listen to your children. Adults like attention when they speak, so do children. Listen carefully do (not absentmindedly) to your child. Your child may be flattered by your interest and even try harder to please you. Busy parents need to set aside a special listening time each day for the children (for example while doing the dishes or before bedtime.)

3. Understand your child. Needs and wants change as children grow older. For example young children need to know parents are near. Most teenagers need some privacy as well as regular outings with friends. Listening and  observing carefully will help you deal with these changes.

4. Set limits. Realistic limits are necessary for safety and for the family’s’ happiness. Setting limits involves: Explanation-- Sharing with children the reason for the proposed limits. Discussion-- coming to an agreement on the need for the limits, and ensure that the limits are understood. Repetition – reminding children about limits until self-discipline developed.

Children may test you to see if you’re serious. At other times, they may forget what they are supposed to do. All youngsters need limits on: time (bedtime, curfews); boundaries (you may not know go here and not there); and, behavior (you may do this and not that). Enforce limits firmly and fairly 

5. Give rewards. To help establish what is desired, give praise properly every time your child responds appropriately. Younger children love smiles, hugs, kisses, and thank you’s. Older children respond to praise, special privileges, etc. (use material rewards sparingly.)

6. Promote independence. When children understand and agree to limits, they are learning to set their own. To promote independence allow your child to share in decisions. As he or she grows older, give increased responsibility for setting limits. Provide encouragement and comfort whenever your child experiences failure.

7. Discuss emotions. Let your child know you understand that he or she is angry and frustrated and that it's okay to feel that way. Let your child know your feelings, too. Eventually your child will learn to talk about feelings – instead of misbehaving.

8. Promote responsibility. Give children jobs to do at home. Even very young children can put away their toys and clothes. To encourage responsibility, discuss what needs to be done; assign jobs to each child (rotate chores for fairness); set time limits for completing jobs; and, check to make sure jobs are done. Praise children for completing tasks to help them develop their confidence.

9. Set a good example. Children learn from watching others. If you want them to be on time, you should be also. If you want them to pick up their clothes, you should pick up your own. If you want them to speak softly, so should you. If you want them to be polite, you should use "please", "thank you", etc., when talking with your children and others. You want them to stick to limits, you should set your own limits and stick to them.

            Do you accept the distinction between discipline and                punishment?  Leave your comments below. 

How to Survive Your Teenager and Ensure their Success

Every stage of life carries with it certain tasks of emotional development and adolescence is no exception. Adolescence is a major developmental bridge lasting from ages 13 and 18 and can be an extremely stressful time especially for a single parent. 

During this developmental period, adolescents have the following tasks to accomplish: 

• establish their own identity; 
• give up childhood dependency; 
• develop their own values; 
• deal constructively with authority; 
• learn to deal with the opposite sex; 
• and, handle their rampant physical and emotional changes. All this, while on the surface, rejecting their parent.

Recent research, however, indicates that teenagers learn to simulate the parent's values more than they do their friends. Although this may be surprising, it should also be viewed as helpful. 

The research indicates that the enduring values of their parent are in fact transmitted.  So then as a single parent you should take a look at what you can do to more positively influence your teenagers and get through the often tumultuous adolescent years with less stress.

Here are six actions you can take:

1. Don't fail their test of your love. If you must withhold, withhold your approval, not your love.
2. Don't insist on intimacy. Communication comes in many forms. If you are fortunate enough to have an adolescent who shares his or her feelings, that's great. If not, don't force it.
3. Be sure your teenager has some reasonable amount of privacy.
4. Set parental limits. Make your standards and expectations very clear, but not excessive. Excessiveness invites rebellion.
5. Take their problems very seriously no matter how small they may seem.
6. Finally, like everything else in life, realize that adolescence like everything else will pass. Keep your sense of humor and learn how to laugh at what is often only a temporary difficulty.

On the other hand, there are some indicators of genuine difficulty in an adolescent such as schoolwork becomes a significant problem; 

• there is persistent fighting and arguing at home;
• physical complaints, anxiety, and depression of a chronic nature; 
• there is significant difficulty in your child's social life such that she begins to avoid friends and isolate from others; 
• and, any self-destructive behavior, sexual promiscuity, drug use or abuse. 

Moreover, any mention of suicide should be taken seriously.

What are your thoughts. Leave your comments below.