As a Single Mom by Choice or Fate - Your Children Need Love and Discipline

Let's face it. You can't change what happened between you and your spouse or your child's father, but as a single mother, you can change your attitude about it. And, by doing so you will benefit both yourself and your children. 

Forgiveness doesn't mean that what your ex did was right or that you condone what he or she did, it simply means that you no longer want to hold a grudge and choose to put it behind you. 

You have many choices. You can choose forgiveness over revenge and action over apathy. You hold the key to making to your emotional adjustment to the elimination of the other parent and consequently how your children will adapt.

Your Children's Distress
Children react differently to this elimination depending upon their ages and the intensity and duration of the conflicts prior to the breakup. But all children react with some degree of distress. 

Children often feel somewhat vaguely responsible for this depending upon the intensity of their relationship with the other parent. They may also be frightened because they are apprehensive about the future.

In addition, they frequently may lose interest in their schoolwork; they may become hostile, aggressive, depressed, and, in some cases, even suicidal. 

Moreover, many physical symptoms of stress often appear in the children, such as irritability, insomnia, loss of appetite, and skin disorders.

After about two years, however, a new balance develops and the acute distress the children experienced earlier lessens. They learn to adjust and to carry on their lives. In many cases where there was a marriage which was marked by severe conflicts over a long time, the children seem better off some two years after the divorce than they were prior to or shortly after the breakup.

Reassure Your Children
No matter how children came to be living with just one parent, they must be told, again and again, that their family's situation is the result of an adult decision or an act of fate that has nothing whatsoever to do with them. 

The most important help you can give is to reassure your children that they are not responsible for the break up or divorce and to help them to adjust by establishing and maintaining regular routines in your home and not letting the children take sides in your adult dispute.

Give Equal Doses of Love and Discipline
Many single parents say that they need to be both a mother and a father to the child. This is impossible, so rule out the idea. As a single parent, you cannot be both a man and a woman. You are a parent. 

Forget dating early in the divorce and don't emphasize striking a balance between work and family until later.

Most single parents, whether they are divorced, widowed, or single by choice, say that discipline is by far the toughest issue. Focus on providing at least an equal amount of love and discipline. In fact, if you love your children you will discipline them properly.


What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below.