11 Qualities for Helping Your Child Become Successful

Single parenting continues to be a challenge and even more so in this era. 

You want the best for your child. 

You want to both equip your child to deal with the temptations and distractions that is so prevalent as well as to make good choices. 

The late, great Earl Nightingale once defined success as the progressive realization of a worthy goal. 

If your goal for your child is for him to have admirable personal qualities and beyond just the attainment of wealth, fame, or prosperity, then these eleven qualities are what you want your child to acquire:

 1. To be a one who forms meaningful relationships with others            
 2. To be empathetic and compassionate
 3. To be respectful
 4. To be smart
 5. To be healthy
 6. To make wise choices
 7. to think and act morally
 8. To have confidence
 9. To have a healthy attitude towards sexuality.
10. To communicate well, and 
11. To have a pleasant attitude.

You want these success tools to become part of your child’s inner self – – a way of thinking, a way of acting; something the child is, and not something the child does.

Children take different roads to attain these goals. 

For some, the way is smooth and straight; for others it is bumpy and winding. In fact, the children whose way lies along the most difficult roads are often the ones who best learn how to use these tools for success.

Your thoughts. Leave your comments below.

12 Most Effective Ways for Handling Stress

We all experience it at one time or another; this condition is called stress.  It is perhaps the number one cause of most health problems today including ulcers, coronary heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, lung problems, accidental injuries, cirrhosis of the liver, and suicide. 

Anti-anxiety drugs and ulcer medications are among the best selling prescription drugs in the United States.

Nevertheless, stress is the process of living. The process of living is the process of having stress imposed on you and reacting to it without allowing it to cause any of the above health problems. 

Now let’s explore the 12 steps for managing stress in your life in a healthy and effective manner.

1. Talk about the problems you are experiencing with friends, loved ones, or a professional. Keeping everything bottled up will only create more problems later on.

2. Exercise. Exercise relieves tension and produces a calming effect.

3. Take a bath. A warm bath can be very relaxing and soothing.

4. Music can be calming. Listen to some soft jazz or instrumental music. Ocean or nature sounds also are a good way to release stress.

5. Healthy meals  can limit your stress.  Try to eat three meals a day (no heavy meals), and although there are health benefits in drinking coffee, keep it to no more than three or four cups a day. 

6. Sleep deprivation can cause stress. Six to seven hours sleep can often make all the difference.

7. Coping with stress can be challenging.  Every day you seem to be pulled in every direction, trying to accommodate others.  So, take care of yourself. You are the thread which holds your family together. If you are stressed, you won’t be much good to anyone.

8. Give yourself a break every now and then.  Buy a new outfit; go to a movie; do something you’ve always wanted to do.  Ask someone dependable to take care of your children for a few hours. Alone time is just as important to you as it is for everyone else. Think of yourself as a gas tank; eventually you will run out of fuel.

9. Laughter is a wonderful release. Releasing tension through laughter is one the best cure-all method for dealing with stress-related issues.

10. Avoid stressful situations whenever possible.  If you are a working single parent, it’s probably not the job but the people who are causing you the most stress. Take everything in stride.

11. If you can’t finish a task, don’t worry about it.  If dinner doesn't turn out as you expected, improvise or pick up something.

12. Life is too short; and stress can reduce it further. Nothing is more important than your health or state of mind. 

How well are you handling stress? Do you think these steps can be helpful? Leave your comments below.  

Why Discipline Works and Punishment Don't

Equal Doses of Love and Discipline

The terms punishment and discipline are often used interchangeably.  However, there are significant distinctions that need to be made.

The importance of understanding and implementing these distinctions when it comes to raising your children is as important as knowing the difference between a thunderstorm with lightning and a gentle rain following a humid summer afternoon.

Punishment implies that you are imposing your will upon the other person.  This type of imposition can range from harsh physical whippings to verbal put-downs and denigrations.

The result is that the child doesn't learn new behaviors, but how to do hide the unacceptable behaviors so as to avoid the reaction from the parent. 

When my brother and I were kids we learned how behave in certain ways when we were in the presence of our grandmother who believed in physical punishment. 

But when we were where she could not see us, we behaved as typically mischievous kids who wanted to do what we wanted to do.

Discipline, on the other hand, implies that you are teaching the child how to behave in a acceptable manner given whatever the situation is.  

It is teaching a child by example; by withholding privileges and explaining why and how to regain the privileges; and, by praising and encouraging the child's efforts.  

When you punish your child you engender fear and resentment.  And, when the child is old enough you will get resistance and rebellion, or even worse, a runaway.  

What you are not likely to get is a child who has learned how to behave appropriately in social situations and able to make the right choices when the need is presented.

A disciplined child is one who is likely to make the right choices when temptation occurs; one who has learned how to handle different situations without much uncertainty, and, one who can prioritize his actions.

Take time to discipline your child and stop using punishment.  Punishing a child may make you feel powerful, but it is not beneficial to your child.  

Discipline your child properly and you'll have a child that you'll be proud of and one who will grow up into a strong, self-reliant adult.

That's what you want isn't it?

Leave your comments below.

How to Develop and Maintain a Close Relationship with Your Children

Keep Your Relationship Strong

  You naturally have a close relationship        with your children when they are in              their infancy because you have to                  constantly meet  their needs. 

   They still have needs, and you must remain the central factor in meeting their need for love and belonging, otherwise they will seek it elsewhere.   

   Raising children is a creative endeavor, an art rather than a science, and the quality of your relationship with your children is the key. 

Consider these 8 Ways to Develop and Maintain a close relationship with your children:

  1. Tell your kids you love them. 

   Never pass up an opportunity to tell your child you love him. It gets harder as he gets older and begins naturally to pull away, but continue to tell him you love him, and sneak in a kiss and a hug whenever you can. 

Don't get discouraged when he doesn't reciprocate. It's his job to establish his independence - and to appear not to want your affection - but it's your job to continue to be there for him, loving him all the while. 

2.Show your kids you love them. 

   Spend time with them each day, give them hugs and kisses, listen to their stories, play games with them even their computer games as they get older. 

   Go to their school conferences and concerts, to their baseball games, and applaud their performances in school plays. 

3.Accept your children for who they are. 

   Much of our children's character is beyond your control. What you can control is how you deal them and what you say. Encourage your kids' special interests and strengths. 

   Don't try to make them into something they aren't - your son may never be the great sports star or your daughter may never become a medical doctor, but still they may fulfill their potential in their chosen profession.   

4.Love your children unconditionally. 

   This means you love them no matter what. It doesn't mean you can't get upset with them, it just means you can't punish them by withholding your love when you're angry.  Furthermore, eliminate physical punishment altogether.

5.When you get angry with your child, address the issue, not the character. 

   Even though he's done something wrong, that doesn’t make him a bad person. 

   Phrases that reinforce this idea are "I love you very much, but I don't like what you've done," or "I'm disappointed in your behavior." 

   Never say "What's wrong with you?" or "How can you be so stupid?" Communicate your displeasure. Be firm about your rules, but never disparage his character. 

6. Stay attuned to your child's problems and needs. 

    Strive to simplify your life. Keep in mind that one of the major reasons to keep life simple is so you'll be able to stay connected with your children. 

   By doing so, you'll under­stand their normal ups and downs, so that when they have a problem you'll be able to see the change in their behavior and help them to deal with it. 

7.Find a mutual interest. 

   As children grow up, they grow away from us as well. You can't force them to stay close, but find things to do together that will encourage a continued intimacy. 

   This is especially important with teenagers - they’ll become strangers, and can potentially get in trouble, if you don't find something you can do together. 

The earlier you establish the practice of doing things with your kids, the easier it will be to continue to be a part of their lives as they get older. 

   And the more a part of your teenager's life, the more opportunities there are to talk about serious issues such as smoking, drinking, drugs, and sex. 

8.Acknowledge their accomplishments. 

   Tell your kids how proud you are of them. Let them know you notice their efforts, no matter how small - from dressing on their own, picking up their toys, or from taking a phone message accurately, to improving their grades. 

Not only does this help to establish a bond between you and lets them know you're paying attention, but it gives them something to live up to. Never break your bond with your child. 

Would you like to add to these ways? Leave your comments below.

Single Parent Guide for Building Your Child's Independence

Your challenge is a parent is twofold. You have to prepare your child to handle life situations as they arise. 

And, you have to learn to recognize when your child is ready for new freedoms, and be willing to grant them.

Understand and teach your children that some failure is inevitable. Treat any setback as a learning experience – – for you and for them.

Here are 4 ways to build your child's independence.

1. Watch for readiness and respond to the signs you see and hear. If your child is asking about letters, then you child is ready to learn the alphabet. If your child is carefully watching you prepare dinner, then your child is ready to help in the kitchen.

2. Don't wait for your children to ask for additional freedoms. Don't make the mistake of holding  out until your children rebel before giving them a later bedtime, increasing their allowance, or permitting them to do things in their own.

Continually evaluate how much freedom you can give your children. Around the time of their birthdays, discuss increasing their allowance and giving them an extra hour before lights go out.

3. Let your children know that if they abuse their freedoms, if their grades suffer, of if they get involved in drugs, drinking, or other irresponsible behavior, the privileges can be revoked.

4. Watch the child carefully who tries to bend the rules. Reward that child with more privileges only after he or she has demonstrated the ability to responsibly handle the freedoms  that they have already been granted.

It takes a lot of love, patience, guidance, and wisdom, and willingness on your part to allow your children to make their own mistakes. But, as your child gains independence, so do you, and your life becomes simpler.

Your Thoughts? Leave your comments below

6 Ways to Improve your Children’s Grades

How does your style as a parent affect the grades your children receive in school? 

Is there anything that you, as the parent, can do to help your children improve their grades? 

The answer to both these questions is a definite yes. According to a Stanford University study by researcher Sanford M. Dornbusch, there is a relationship between parents' actions and their children's school performance. 

Parents can, and do, have an influence on their children's grades. Here's what you can do to help your children get better grades in school.

1.  Be firm, yet encouraging. Set reasonable guidelines for your children and stick to them, but also take the time to explain the reasons for the rules. 

Try to give your children the sense that you have confidence in their capabilities and that you know they are trying. Even if they aren't always trying their hardest, they may put more effort into their work knowing you think so highly of them.

2.   Communicate. Talk with your children in terms they can understand. Explain to them why you think school is important and why they need to do their homework. It may not make mathematics any easier, but at least they know that you value what they are doing. And take time to really listen to what they have to say. 

You can let them know you're listening by giving a one-sentence summary of what they said before going on to what you want to tell them. 

3.  Let them play. Unlikely as it may seem, participation in school sports is associated with better grades. This is because children use play as a way of learning, rather than just as a diversion, as most adults do. They also have more energy than most adults and need a constructive outlet for it.

4.  Praise your children. Low-key support, such as praise and encouragement, works better than material rewards or big, exaggerated emotional responses. Creating rewards and punishments is not effective because children become more concerned with them than with their schoolwork. 

Try to help them understand that though they may not always enjoy what they're doing, it's important that they persevere. There is an exception, however, to low-key support. When a child's grades are very poor, stronger intervention is necessary. 

The school and parents should work together to find out what is causing the low grades and take steps to correct the problem. You must keep in constant contact with the school to demonstrate your concern. Don't wait for them to contact you if you sense a problem.

5.  Don't overreact. If your children bring home poor report cards, don't get visibly upset because this will only worsen the situation. Your distress will upset your children more and this will lead to poorer grades over time. Follow the guidelines listed here.

6.  Don't be too responsible. When all is said and done, you can't control everything that happens to your children. There are many factors beyond your reach that may influence school performance. Your children's friends, teachers and neighborhood all have an impact. 

Don't take too much responsibility for what goes wrong. You have a responsibility to try to help your children do the best they can in school, but you are not responsible for the results.

      What are your strategies for improving your children's grades? Leave your comments below.

Secrets for Making Sure Homework is Done Efficiently and Effectively

Reading is Essential

It's back to school time. So let's talk about homework. Homework is about more than academics. It teaches children how to manage time. 

It reinforces the priority of learning and ensures that home and school are working together toward this goal. It's also your chance to find out what your child is studying in school and observe how he or she works and learns. 

Since children think and learn differently, it helps to customize a homework plan for your child. 

To get you started, here are 6 tips to help you to overcome homework hassles.

1. Consider giving your children an hour or so of relaxing playtime after school before they begin homework. Some children really need this time to unwind after hours of concentrating at school. Yet be sure that the kids know homework must be completed in a timely fashion.

2. Let your children sit at the kitchen table doing homework while you prepare dinner. That way, if they have any questions, you are right there to help them. Another way would be to organize a homework hour after the evening meal. Children can still sit around the kitchen table to do their homework. 

3.Set aside a "family homework hour" when your child sits at the table and does her schoolwork while you also sit at the table and pay bills or catch up on your reading. You're available to help or answer questions.

4. As children become teens, they need a quiet place to study, usually their own room. Some preteens develop more efficient homework habits if given their own private place to study. Other children regard homework as less of a chore and more of a family activity if they're allowed to do homework with you close by to encourage and help. 

5. To complete homework tasks efficiently, store needed supplies in a convenient place, easily accessible to all. Doing math problems is frustrating when it takes fifteen minutes to find a pencil with an eraser (yes, pencils and erasers). Stock up on poster boards, report covers, markers, and crayons to avoid last-minute runs to the store when special projects are due.  

6. If your child is struggling with a certain subject, take a special field trip or turn it into an arts-and-crafts project to make what's in the book applicable to real life. Many children drudge through homework because they don't see its relevance. Help your child make connections between schoolwork and the world around him. 

By regarding homework as a family activity rather than a chore that interferes with quality family time, you reinforce that learning is an expected priority and that it can be fun. It's up to parents to point this out. 

Although some parents complain that their children have too much homework, statistics show that most children spend more time watching noneducational tv or playing video games than doing productive homework.


Leave your comments below. 

Secrets of School Success Part 1

If you haven't been serious about your children's education, now it's time to do so. 

Here is the question: Why do some students succeed in school and others struggle? 

The answer lies in the student’s attitude towards learning both at home and school. 

Learning begins at home and parents are a child’s first teachers. In one sense all children are home schooled, even those who attend school. 

With that in mind, here are 2 ways that parents and other educators can help children become academic achievers.

1. Implant a love of learning

Not surprisingly, research shows little correlation between IQ, economic status, a privileged childhood, or even preschool and later academic success. 

The most influential factor in children’s academic success was parents who instill the love of learning early on. Learning is rooted in curiosity. 

Kids are naturally curious and from early infancy onward, parents, as teachers, act as facilitators, guiding those curious, exploring hands and eyes towards interesting objects. This doesn’t necessarily mean lots of educational toys. 

Babies learn a lot riding in a baby sling, where they can be in all of the conversations and see the world near adult eye level. 

Learning tools for toddlers can be as simple as a kitchen drawer or cupboard for the pots and pans, paper towel rolls, and plastic dishes that the child is allowed to play with. Basic balls and blocks are also great toys for stimulating and satisfying curiosity.

2. Foster Free Play

Let children play, for this is how they learn. While one-on-one time with parents are certainly important to facilitate early learning be sure to give your toddler and older child ample time alone to simply mess around with toys and safely explore the environment. 

Preschool children do not need to have every minute of the day filled with one planned activity or one lesson after another. Childproof your home and allow your child to take reasonable risks. 

Don’t constantly supervise your child by adult warnings such as “Be careful” and “Don’t Touch.” Learning usually involve some risk-taking.

Go to Secret of School Success Part 2 for more information.

Leave your comments on this article below.

7 Ways to Become Involved in Your Children's Education

Teach a Love for Learning

According to a study published in the American Educational Research Journal, parental involvement has been shown to influence children's achievement in language and mathematics, their academic persistence, and their behavioral problems.

As a single parent, parental involvement falls solely upon your shoulders. If doing this is a struggle for you, admit to it and ask a relative, a friend, your neighbor, or a pastor for help in keeping close tabs on how your children are doing and working with the school to implement an action plan for improvement.

However, if parent involvement is not a struggle for you, here are 7 Ways to Become Involved in Your Children's Education:

1. Establish and maintain an ongoing dialogue with your children's teachers. Learn how to make sense out of your children's report cards. Determine what type of question to ask at parent-teacher conferences. And, make sure you know what your child should be studying and the tests they are required to pass.

2. Set up regular time for homework completion. Establish appropriate routines at home like creating quiet time for homework as well as for recreational reading. Limit the amount of television they can watch or video games they can play.

3. Set a good example for your children. Let the children see that you value reading and lifetime learning by enrolling in classes yourself, and taking part in study groups, and just reading at home.

Moreover, if you have younger children, read to them and with them.  Don't forget to let them see you reading. Keep a close enough eye on them to know if they're doing it themselves.

5. Establish a relationship with other like-minded parents and community groups to strive for excellence in the school.

6. Expose your children to a variety of learning experiences. Get up on Saturday mornings and take your children to the museums or the library. Help them to turn their favorite hobbies into enjoyable learning experience.

7. Volunteer, if possible, in the classroom and accompany your children's classrooms on field trips. Go to the PTA meetings or other similar meetings and meet all your child's teachers.

The fact of the matter is your active involvement is your first step in creating a level educational playing field for your children. Parental involvement in the school can turn it from a failure into one of excellence. 

You can influence the choice of the principal, the type of curriculum, the quality of teaching, the expectations of teachers, and the security and safety of the classrooms.

Leave your comments below. What do you think about parental involvement?