5 Ways All Single Moms Can Get On With Living

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Breaking up with a spouse or boyfriend should not be viewed as a devastating experience. On the contrary, it should be viewed as a liberating one.

If you were to take a step back, to take a deep breath, and to reflect on how the circumstances fell in place that led up to the break up you will have to admit that you saw it coming. 

You may have resisted accepting it because of fear of being alone and having to start all over, but if the relationship had been characterized by constant arguments, demeaning language, and consistent lack of cooperation, then the absence of this type of stress should be well received. 

It is indeed time to get on with living.

Here are 5 ways to do so:

1. Eliminate the other person entirely from your life. 
Cut the ties completely. Make up your mind that you will not accept any phone calls or any other type of communication from this former relationship. 

Get rid of anything the other person left behind -- pictures, clothing, and any other type of memorabilia. This is making sure that the breakup is complete.

2. Don't rush to replace this person with someone else. 
Pause, take time to understand and appreciate yourself. Make sure that the next individual is someone you to can talk to and is compatible with your values, goals, and lifestyle.

3. Beyond intimate relationships, begin to choose your friends wisely. 
Make sure you understand the difference between friends and acquaintances. A friend is someone with whom you can trust with your secrets; someone who is willing to help you in different ways; and, someone, who has your best interest at heart and vice versa. 

In contrast, an acquaintance is someone with whom may occasionally have a pleasurable conversation and attend some events but don't offer you the same benefits that come from a friendship.

4. Consider acquiring a new skill, taking up a hobby, and going to new and different types of events. 
If you have been thinking about learning line dancing, then do so; if you have been thinking about learning to garden, then do so; and, if you have been thinking about going to a jazz, folk, or country music concert, then do so.

5. And, finally work on acquiring the attitude of self-reliance. 
Begin enjoying your own company. Make yourself a more interesting person and you began to attract the type of person with whom you can have a satisfying relationship.

Most of all get on with living!

Are you ready to get on with living? Leave your comments below.

Know your Type of Parenting Style and What You Need to Change

A wise observer of the human condition once commented that the politics of the family is the politics of the nation. 

Just as the authoritarian family can be the state in microcosm, the democratic family is the best training ground for life in a democracy. 

To take this perspective further, the two most easily identified parenting styles in our democratic society, whether you are a single parent or not, is the authoritarian style and the permissive style. 

But both have their drawbacks regarding your relationship with your child.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style
The authoritarian style tends to expedite things, but because of the characteristic one-way communication, it does not produce independent thinking and functioning on the part of your child. In contrast, your child perceives the permissive style as indifference. 

A child can not feel valued by a parent who is forever absorbed in her own affairs. 

Neither style allows the child to become a participant in the decision-making process which allows the child to develop the capacity to decide what to do, to take responsibility for it, and develop autonomy and independence.

The authoritarian style stems in part from the fact that parents, often in dangerous, crime-ridden neighborhoods, see around them so many young people whose lives are touched by the pain and delinquency which so often accompanies a life of poverty. 

Consequently, they fear for their children's future--fear that they will lose control and that their children will wind up in the street or worse yet, in jail.

The Permissive Parenting Style
On the other hand because you cannot control all that our children see, hear, and who they play with, it is tempting to throw up your hands and do nothing -- that is, to choose permissiveness. 

The choice, however, is not an either/or situation. Although you cannot do everything, you can do something. And that is to talk with your children and teenagers about unexpected encounters with inappropriate violence, sexuality, and profanity. 

You need to teach your children to learn right and wrong without being judgmental, to be cautious without imparting fear, to be assertive without being pushy, to stick with routines without sacrificing spontaneity, and to be determined without being stubborn.

Children must not be allowed to spew forth whatever is on their minds under the notion of family closeness, but should be allowed to respond--to talk about their experiences, express their thoughts and feelings, and ask for what they want and need in an atmosphere of respect. In so doing, children will be able to develop an integrated sense of self and their own unique personalities.


What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below

11 Qualities for Helping Your Child Become Successful

Single parenting continues to be a challenge and even more so in this era. 

You want the best for your child. 

You want to both equip your child to deal with the temptations and distractions that is so prevalent as well as to make good choices. 

The late, great Earl Nightingale once defined success as the progressive realization of a worthy goal. 

If your goal for your child is for him to have admirable personal qualities and beyond just the attainment of wealth, fame, or prosperity, then these eleven qualities are what you want your child to acquire:

 1. To be a one who forms meaningful relationships with others            
 2. To be empathetic and compassionate
 3. To be respectful
 4. To be smart
 5. To be healthy
 6. To make wise choices
 7. to think and act morally
 8. To have confidence
 9. To have a healthy attitude towards sexuality.
10. To communicate well, and 
11. To have a pleasant attitude.

You want these success tools to become part of your child’s inner self – – a way of thinking, a way of acting; something the child is, and not something the child does.

Children take different roads to attain these goals. 

For some, the way is smooth and straight; for others it is bumpy and winding. In fact, the children whose way lies along the most difficult roads are often the ones who best learn how to use these tools for success.

Your thoughts. Leave your comments below.

7 Ways to Become Involved in Your Children's Education

Teach a Love for Learning

According to a study published in the American Educational Research Journal, parental involvement has been shown to influence children's achievement in language and mathematics, their academic persistence, and their behavioral problems.

As a single parent, parental involvement falls solely upon your shoulders. If doing this is a struggle for you, admit to it and ask a relative, a friend, your neighbor, or a pastor for help in keeping close tabs on how your children are doing and working with the school to implement an action plan for improvement.

However, if parent involvement is not a struggle for you, here are 7 Ways to Become Involved in Your Children's Education:

1. Establish and maintain an ongoing dialogue with your children's teachers. Learn how to make sense out of your children's report cards. Determine what type of question to ask at parent-teacher conferences. And, make sure you know what your child should be studying and the tests they are required to pass.

2. Set up regular time for homework completion. Establish appropriate routines at home like creating quiet time for homework as well as for recreational reading. Limit the amount of television they can watch or video games they can play.

3. Set a good example for your children. Let the children see that you value reading and lifetime learning by enrolling in classes yourself, and taking part in study groups, and just reading at home.

Moreover, if you have younger children, read to them and with them.  Don't forget to let them see you reading. Keep a close enough eye on them to know if they're doing it themselves.

5. Establish a relationship with other like-minded parents and community groups to strive for excellence in the school.

6. Expose your children to a variety of learning experiences. Get up on Saturday mornings and take your children to the museums or the library. Help them to turn their favorite hobbies into enjoyable learning experience.

7. Volunteer, if possible, in the classroom and accompany your children's classrooms on field trips. Go to the PTA meetings or other similar meetings and meet all your child's teachers.

The fact of the matter is your active involvement is your first step in creating a level educational playing field for your children. Parental involvement in the school can turn it from a failure into one of excellence. 

You can influence the choice of the principal, the type of curriculum, the quality of teaching, the expectations of teachers, and the security and safety of the classrooms.

Leave your comments below. What do you think about parental involvement?

Are You a New Single Parent? Here's What to do

The key to successful single parenting is being sensitive to what your children need. To boil it all down, they need to be listened to, to be understood, and to be valued.

They need a parent who will take time to show them, teach them, help them, and nurture them.

They need to be made a priority even when it is inconvenient.

Making Time for Your Children
Realize that it is important to make time for your children and to view it as a matter of priority. Your children will quickly perceive and appreciate this.

Until a few years ago parenting wasn't even a word we use. Now it is treated as a science, art or at least a set of sophisticated method or technique. However, it is none of these. It is not a science. It is not an art. And, it is not a sophisticated method or technique.

The Definition of Parenting
Parenting is simply the raising of a child by its parents with the child's needs being uppermost in thought and action. Besides meeting their basic survival needs, all children need a long-term commitment of quantity time rather than the quick fixes of quality time.

Rather than being concerned about techniques, the most important thing for a single parent is always to be there for your children when they need you. While discipline is equally as important as love, it is essential you let your children see your human side.

Even though you are busy, it should be clear that you enjoy playing with them when they are young. And, teaching them, through your relationship, to evolve to best meet their needs as they progress through the developmental cycle and become adults.

The time you spend with your children passes fast. It’s like playing a tape that can’t be rewound. So enjoy these precious moments while they last.  

The more you are there for your children, the longer they will be there for you. What they need it not just your experience, it’s mainly your attention. Ability is not the key, its availability.

Do you agree with these points? Leave your thoughts below.

11 Best Discipline Strategies Single Parents Can Use

Children described as "discipline problems" do not like to follow rules of parents or other authority figures and do not like taking "no" for an answer.

They may argue with parents or teachers, refuse to do chores at home, throw tantrums to get what they want, or become verbally or physically aggressive.

This does not have to be accepted or tolerated. Nor should it be.

Here are the 11 Best Discipline Strategies Ever to deal with these situations and helping your child to ultimately become self-disciplined.

1. Set firm limits and teach your child that he or she is expected to adhere to them. Provide opportunities for your child to make choices, and have the consequences of each choice clear. Allowing children to make decisions for themselves within limits helps them feel they have some control over their lives. 

2. Make sure you are firm and consistent in setting and enforcing limits. Coordinate efforts with your spouse or others who co-parent with you and work together as a team. Choose carefully those areas where it is really important to take a stand, and put less energy into dealing with minor problems.

3. Be prepared for unusual situations where discipline might be a problem such as a trip to the doctor's office or a ride on the bus.

4. Keep an eye on what is happening. Don't leave children entirely on their own for long periods of time.

5. Distract young children from the problem that you see brewing.

6. Occasionally ignore a mistake or remark that "just slipped out". Never ignore the child.

7. Give children the option for a "time-out". If a child is visibly upset, tell the child you are happy to discuss it or the child can think about the problem in private and then rejoin the family or group when­ever she or he chooses.

8. Provide a cool-down period right before bed. Limit stimulation and activity.

9. Don't engage in rowdy games with your children. Your children will become disrespectful of you.

10. Involve the whole family in understanding and setting rules. Ask for disciplinary suggestions from children.

11. Enforce the rules once they are set.


What do you think of these strategies. Do you have any that you would like to add? Leave your comments below. 

Single Parent Path to the 5 Most Important Benefits of Chores

Chores, by definition, are the regular or daily light work of a household. 

What it essentially does for children is to teach them a sense of responsibility and helps to instill a work ethic.   

Now, here are the 5 Most Important Benefits of Chores

1. Chores are an investment

Children who perform chores have an investment in the family home. Unlike guests, who enjoy the comforts of a home but are not part of what makes it function, children who do chores are personally attached to their home. 

Kids who wash the dishes, vacuum the floors, and clean the sink take on a real feeling of ownership, which leads to greater respect for the place where they live. Children who sweep the porch aren't likely to cross it in muddy shoes.

2. Chores foster skill development.

Parents can gradually increase the complexity and number of chores their kids are accountable for. As children master an array of tasks, they learn many new skills that help them in other areas of their lives.

When parents take the time to teach their children how to do different jobs, the children learn how to learn. They find out that they can successfully take on new and different tasks. 

A child who learns how to sew a tear in a seam can easily learn how to hem his jeans. Learning how to follow a cookie recipe enables a young cook to follow a recipe for lasagna.

3. Chores foster a sense of accomplishment.

Children enjoy a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when they look back at a job well done. Whether a freshly mowed lawn, a tray full of cookies, or a shiny, waxed floor, the fruits of a child's labor are sweet indeed. 

 When children know that their contribution of time and energy has tangible results, they're motivated to do more. Smart parents give their children jobs that have visible results, and then comment positively on those results.

4. Chores give a feeling of pride.

Lots of encouragement and praise is important. Children may take a long time to complete a new job, and they may find the results less than gratifying. But given time, practice, and encouragement, they will keep adding skills to their growing list of abilities. 

When parents point out their successes, they feel proud and "big."

5. Chores teach that everyone is expected to contribute to the family's well-being

Don’t pay children to do chores.Paying children to do chores puts an entirely different slant on the issue. Payment tends to create the illusion that if children don't want the money they aren't obligated to do the chores. 

Family chores should rightly be seen as a child's contribution to family life, not as an option. 

The rewards of being an important part of a family are much more valuable than a few dollars of allowance. Contributing to the smooth running of the family gives children self-esteem, confidence, independence, pride, accomplishment, and mastery of important life skills.

How do you view your children's need for chores? Leave your comments below.

How Children Learn Social Skills

Children are much more comfortable when they know the guide rules for handling the social amenities. 

It is no more fun for a child to be introduced to a strange adult and have no idea what to say or do than it is for a grownup to go to a formal dinner and have no idea what fork to use.


What are Social Skills
As children grow older, they acquire a growing repertoire of social skills -- strategies used to interact effectively with others. Yet children vary considerably in their social competence. 

Some are courteous, some know how to initiate and sustain conversation, and regularly cooperate and share with peers, others are less skilled; they may be anxious and uncertain in social situations and keep to themselves, or they may shout, call names, use physical aggression, and in other ways alienate their age mates. 

Throughout their development, young people’s social skills affect the number and quality of their friendships.

Ways Children Acquire Social Skills
Children acquire social skills, equally as much from their interactions with their peers as from adults. 

They are likely to discover through trial and error, which strategies work and which do not, and later to reflect consciously on what they have learned. 

When children can’t resolve conflicts directly, the situation may quickly deteriorate. An example would be when preschoolers engage in fantasy play they must continuously communicate, negotiate, and compromise regarding the course of events – whose going to play the mother, who’s going to play the father, who’s going to play the child, etc.

Children also learn social skills by observing and experiencing the behavior of those around them. For instance, you may be intentionally or unintentionally model specific interpersonal styles – – upbeat, agreeable, and respectful of others rights and needs, or on the contrary, hostile and aggressive. So be aware.

Role of the Family
In addition to the acquisition of social skills, the knowledge of specific subject areas and acquisition of status for acceptable behavior are also responsive to family  influences. 

Families should provide a rich, physical, social, and intellectual environment in which children can explore physical phenomena, exchange ideas, and encountered challenging concepts.

What do you think. Leave your comments below.

8 Ways to Encourage Your Child's Independence

Children crawl before they walk; walk before they run. One is generally is a precondition for the other. And with each step they take towards more independence, more mastery of the environment, you, the parent take a step away -- each a small separation, a small distancing.

In healthy families, children at an early age, discover through being listened to that what they have to say is important, that their experiences and ideas, and they themselves have worth. 

They are encouraged to think for themselves, express opinions, and make decisions for themselves. Their parents support to stand on their own two feet and do what they think is right. Trusting and gaining confidence in themselves, they develop an inner locus of control.

It's a fine line between wanting your child to head off into the big wide world before they're ready and molly-coddling them.

Here then are 8 ways to encourage your child's independence and foster their self-reliance:

1. Show enthusiasm when your child tries to help, even if it'll take longer. Praise the effort and recognize any task he accomplishes.

2. Help your child make decisions by offering a small choice such as which story to read or what shirt to wear.

3. Give him little responsibilities and gradually increase them based on his capabilities but always within reason, such as putting his clothes in the hamper, putting his toys away, or helping you to get the dinner ready.

4. Praise his ability. This is necessary for a child to believe he's capable of doing things, and that it was his own skill that led to success, rather than luck. For instance, tell him how clever he is for throwing the ball into the hoop, rather than that was lucky.

5. Tempting as it is to say, “I’ll do it,” say ”Let me show you how” instead. That way, your child is learning new skills and not just relying on you to do everything for him.

6. Point out why things are dangerous or unacceptable without belittling the motivation to do things on his own. For example, Having your child use a sharp knife to help with dinner is never a good idea even though your child has seen you use one, showing him how to use a butter knife would be more appropriate.

7. Avoid using the word “no” unless something is dangerous or clearly wrong.

8. Respect a child's feelings and fears. Even if it seems silly to you, ask him why he's afraid and then take time to talk about it.


How much emphasis do you put on encouraging independence in your children?

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