Know your Type of Parenting Style and What You Need to Change

A wise observer of the human condition once commented that the politics of the family is the politics of the nation. 

Just as the authoritarian family can be the state in microcosm, the democratic family is the best training ground for life in a democracy. 

To take this perspective further, the two most easily identified parenting styles in our democratic society, whether you are a single parent or not, is the authoritarian style and the permissive style. 

But both have their drawbacks regarding your relationship with your child.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style
The authoritarian style tends to expedite things, but because of the characteristic one-way communication, it does not produce independent thinking and functioning on the part of your child. In contrast, your child perceives the permissive style as indifference. 

A child can not feel valued by a parent who is forever absorbed in her own affairs. 

Neither style allows the child to become a participant in the decision-making process which allows the child to develop the capacity to decide what to do, to take responsibility for it, and develop autonomy and independence.

The authoritarian style stems in part from the fact that parents, often in dangerous, crime-ridden neighborhoods, see around them so many young people whose lives are touched by the pain and delinquency which so often accompanies a life of poverty. 

Consequently, they fear for their children's future--fear that they will lose control and that their children will wind up in the street or worse yet, in jail.

The Permissive Parenting Style
On the other hand because you cannot control all that our children see, hear, and who they play with, it is tempting to throw up your hands and do nothing -- that is, to choose permissiveness. 

The choice, however, is not an either/or situation. Although you cannot do everything, you can do something. And that is to talk with your children and teenagers about unexpected encounters with inappropriate violence, sexuality, and profanity. 

You need to teach your children to learn right and wrong without being judgmental, to be cautious without imparting fear, to be assertive without being pushy, to stick with routines without sacrificing spontaneity, and to be determined without being stubborn.

Children must not be allowed to spew forth whatever is on their minds under the notion of family closeness, but should be allowed to respond--to talk about their experiences, express their thoughts and feelings, and ask for what they want and need in an atmosphere of respect. In so doing, children will be able to develop an integrated sense of self and their own unique personalities.


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