3 No Nonsense Steps to Building Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Self-esteem evolves in kids primarily through the quality of our relationship with them. Because they can’t see themselves directly, children know themselves by reflection.

For the first several years of their lives, you are their major influence. Later on, teachers and friends come into the picture. 

But especially at the beginning you are it with a capital I.

1. Self-Esteem Can Form a Child’s Future

Self-esteem is the real magic wand that can form a child’s future. A child’s self-esteem affects every area of his existence, from the friends he chooses to how well he does academically in school, to what kind of job he chooses, to even a person he chooses to marry. No child has too much self-esteem.

If you take every possible opportunity to point out what your child does well -- praising it descriptively and expressing appreciation-- your child will become more cooperative, competent, and confident. A child who thinks he is good at something, even if he is not – – basketball, math, computer games – – is likely to be more resilient than a child who is never satisfied with his efforts.

2. Be Careful How You View Your Child

If we view our children as stupid, disobedient, disturbed, or guilty of their misdeeds, they would learn to view  themselves as foolish, deficient, or shameful examples of humanity. They will regard us as judges from whom they wish to hide.

They would interpret everything we say as further proof of their unworthiness. If we view them as innocent, or at least merely ignorant, they will gain understanding from their experiences, and continue to regard us as wise partners.

3. Don’t Plant the Seeds of Self Doubt in Your Child

Our children evaluate themselves based upon the opinions we have of them. When we use harsh words, biting comments, and a sarcastic tone of voice, we plant the seeds of self-doubt in their developing minds.

Children who receive a steady diet of these messages end up feeling powerless, inadequate, and unimportant. They start to believe that they are bad and can never do enough.  If you tell children they are bad, that’s what they believe they are – and that’s probably what they will become.

A child feeling good about himself is like a snowball rolling downhill. He will continuously be able to recognize and integrate new proof of his value as he grows and mature.

Keep in mind that your child benefits more from being valued than evaluated.


Do your child feel good about himself? It's based upon your efforts as a parent.

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