The goal of all disciplinary strategies is to encourages positive behavior.
Punishment breeds resentment and when the child gets older-- rebellion or even running away may happen.
Consider these 9 Ways to Discipline Effectively:
1. Give children love. All children need to know they are loved. Younger children especially need the reassurance of hugs, kisses, smiles, and praise. Immediate praise encourages children to repeat positive behavior.
2. Listen to your children. Adults like attention when they speak, so do children. Listen carefully do (not absentmindedly) to your child. Your child may be flattered by your interest and even try harder to please you. Busy parents need to set aside a special listening time each day for the children (for example while doing the dishes or before bedtime.)
3. Understand your child. Needs and wants change as children grow older. For example young children need to know parents are near. Most teenagers need some privacy as well as regular outings with friends. Listening and observing carefully will help you deal with these changes.
4. Set limits. Realistic limits are necessary for safety and for the family’s’ happiness. Setting limits involves: Explanation-- Sharing with children the reason for the proposed limits. Discussion-- coming to an agreement on the need for the limits, and ensure that the limits are understood. Repetition – reminding children about limits until self-discipline developed.
Children may test you to see if you’re serious. At other times, they may forget what they are supposed to do. All youngsters need limits on: time (bedtime, curfews); boundaries (you may not know go here and not there); and, behavior (you may do this and not that). Enforce limits firmly and fairly
5. Give rewards. To help establish what is desired, give praise properly every time your child responds appropriately. Younger children love smiles, hugs, kisses, and thank you’s. Older children respond to praise, special privileges, etc. (use material rewards sparingly.)
6. Promote independence. When children understand and agree to limits, they are learning to set their own. To promote independence allow your child to share in decisions. As he or she grows older, give increased responsibility for setting limits. Provide encouragement and comfort whenever your child experiences failure.
7. Discuss emotions. Let your child know you understand that he or she is angry and frustrated and that it's okay to feel that way. Let your child know your feelings, too. Eventually your child will learn to talk about feelings – instead of misbehaving.
8. Promote responsibility. Give children jobs to do at home. Even very young children can put away their toys and clothes. To encourage responsibility, discuss what needs to be done; assign jobs to each child (rotate chores for fairness); set time limits for completing jobs; and, check to make sure jobs are done. Praise children for completing tasks to help them develop their confidence.
9. Set a good example. Children learn from watching others. If you want them to be on time, you should be also. If you want them to pick up their clothes, you should pick up your own. If you want them to speak softly, so should you. If you want them to be polite, you should use "please", "thank you", etc., when talking with your children and others. You want them to stick to limits, you should set your own limits and stick to them.
Do you accept the distinction between discipline and punishment? Leave your comments below.
I'm not so keen on the praise and reward thing. Maybe read a bit from Alfie Kohn to understand what I mean, every time I say it myself I always get it wrong and come off looking a bit stupid, but Alfie makes it make sense
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