Feeling very stressed about finances and bad relationships are common in these times. And, while managing your children's behaviors can be stressful in and of itself, to combine it with these matters can push you over the edge. The following strategies can help lead you to a greater sense of peace, and to handle your parental role more effectively.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when you begin to feel the stress of being uptight with your children.
1. Is it so important that the children always do things my way?
2. Can I let the children have it their own way sometimes?
3. Do I really take enough time to try to understand what the children are saying to me?
4. Do I really know what the children want and need from me?
5 .Is what I say or tell them to do really clear to them?
6. How often do I stop and listen - letting the children tell me what they think and feel - simply because they need to talk to me?
7. After I've lost control, how do I really feel about myself?
8. Can I really "make it up" to them?
9. Am I really taking my problems out on them?
10. How would I feel if someone said or did the same thing to me?
2. Can I let the children have it their own way sometimes?
3. Do I really take enough time to try to understand what the children are saying to me?
4. Do I really know what the children want and need from me?
5 .Is what I say or tell them to do really clear to them?
6. How often do I stop and listen - letting the children tell me what they think and feel - simply because they need to talk to me?
7. After I've lost control, how do I really feel about myself?
8. Can I really "make it up" to them?
9. Am I really taking my problems out on them?
10. How would I feel if someone said or did the same thing to me?
Some Stress and Tension Relievers
1. Count to 10, put the child in a safe area (crib, playpen, childproof room) and go to another room or outside for a few minutes.
2. Go into another room, close the door, then take 10 minutes to read, meditate, or do whatever relaxes you best.
3. Lie on the floor with your feet up on a chair; place a cool wash cloth on your face; and think of the most peaceful scene you can imagine. Stay there for 5 minutes.
4. Tell your children exactly what is making you tense. Be really specific about what behavior needs to be changed in order to reduce your stress level.
5. After you've put the children down for a nap, forget what you "should" be doing. Take some time for yourself to relax - sleep, read, listen to music, take a bath - whatever makes you feel fresh again.
6. Designate a corner, chair or some quiet spot as a "time-out" place where you can go when you feel like losing your temper. Designate a separate one for your children. It gives both of you a few minutes to calm down, and it tells the other person that you are getting tense.
7. Save a special, quiet plaything to be used only at certain times. It will be a treat for your children, and will provide some quiet time for you.
2. Go into another room, close the door, then take 10 minutes to read, meditate, or do whatever relaxes you best.
3. Lie on the floor with your feet up on a chair; place a cool wash cloth on your face; and think of the most peaceful scene you can imagine. Stay there for 5 minutes.
4. Tell your children exactly what is making you tense. Be really specific about what behavior needs to be changed in order to reduce your stress level.
5. After you've put the children down for a nap, forget what you "should" be doing. Take some time for yourself to relax - sleep, read, listen to music, take a bath - whatever makes you feel fresh again.
6. Designate a corner, chair or some quiet spot as a "time-out" place where you can go when you feel like losing your temper. Designate a separate one for your children. It gives both of you a few minutes to calm down, and it tells the other person that you are getting tense.
7. Save a special, quiet plaything to be used only at certain times. It will be a treat for your children, and will provide some quiet time for you.
When things are going well, pass out rewards.
1. Compliment and reward the children for the good things, such as being quiet, not fighting, not whining, cleaning up.
2. Let the children know when their behavior is making you happy.
3. Hug the children and say "I love you."
4. Say "thanks" for small favors.
5. Treat the children and yourself to something special for doing so well.
2. Let the children know when their behavior is making you happy.
3. Hug the children and say "I love you."
4. Say "thanks" for small favors.
5. Treat the children and yourself to something special for doing so well.
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