Why Discipline Works and Punishment Don't

Equal Doses of Love and Discipline

The terms punishment and discipline are often used interchangeably.  However, there are significant distinctions that need to be made.

The importance of understanding and implementing these distinctions when it comes to raising your children is as important as knowing the difference between a thunderstorm with lightning and a gentle rain following a humid summer afternoon.

Punishment implies that you are imposing your will upon the other person.  This type of imposition can range from harsh physical whippings to verbal put-downs and denigrations.

The result is that the child doesn't learn new behaviors, but how to do hide the unacceptable behaviors so as to avoid the reaction from the parent. 

When my brother and I were kids we learned how behave in certain ways when we were in the presence of our grandmother who believed in physical punishment. 

But when we were where she could not see us, we behaved as typically mischievous kids who wanted to do what we wanted to do.

Discipline, on the other hand, implies that you are teaching the child how to behave in a acceptable manner given whatever the situation is.  

It is teaching a child by example; by withholding privileges and explaining why and how to regain the privileges; and, by praising and encouraging the child's efforts.  

When you punish your child you engender fear and resentment.  And, when the child is old enough you will get resistance and rebellion, or even worse, a runaway.  

What you are not likely to get is a child who has learned how to behave appropriately in social situations and able to make the right choices when the need is presented.

A disciplined child is one who is likely to make the right choices when temptation occurs; one who has learned how to handle different situations without much uncertainty, and, one who can prioritize his actions.

Take time to discipline your child and stop using punishment.  Punishing a child may make you feel powerful, but it is not beneficial to your child.  

Discipline your child properly and you'll have a child that you'll be proud of and one who will grow up into a strong, self-reliant adult.

That's what you want isn't it?

Leave your comments below.

How to Develop and Maintain a Close Relationship with Your Children

Keep Your Relationship Strong

  You naturally have a close relationship        with your children when they are in              their infancy because you have to                  constantly meet  their needs. 

   They still have needs, and you must remain the central factor in meeting their need for love and belonging, otherwise they will seek it elsewhere.   

   Raising children is a creative endeavor, an art rather than a science, and the quality of your relationship with your children is the key. 

Consider these 8 Ways to Develop and Maintain a close relationship with your children:

  1. Tell your kids you love them. 

   Never pass up an opportunity to tell your child you love him. It gets harder as he gets older and begins naturally to pull away, but continue to tell him you love him, and sneak in a kiss and a hug whenever you can. 

Don't get discouraged when he doesn't reciprocate. It's his job to establish his independence - and to appear not to want your affection - but it's your job to continue to be there for him, loving him all the while. 

2.Show your kids you love them. 

   Spend time with them each day, give them hugs and kisses, listen to their stories, play games with them even their computer games as they get older. 

   Go to their school conferences and concerts, to their baseball games, and applaud their performances in school plays. 

3.Accept your children for who they are. 

   Much of our children's character is beyond your control. What you can control is how you deal them and what you say. Encourage your kids' special interests and strengths. 

   Don't try to make them into something they aren't - your son may never be the great sports star or your daughter may never become a medical doctor, but still they may fulfill their potential in their chosen profession.   

4.Love your children unconditionally. 

   This means you love them no matter what. It doesn't mean you can't get upset with them, it just means you can't punish them by withholding your love when you're angry.  Furthermore, eliminate physical punishment altogether.

5.When you get angry with your child, address the issue, not the character. 

   Even though he's done something wrong, that doesn’t make him a bad person. 

   Phrases that reinforce this idea are "I love you very much, but I don't like what you've done," or "I'm disappointed in your behavior." 

   Never say "What's wrong with you?" or "How can you be so stupid?" Communicate your displeasure. Be firm about your rules, but never disparage his character. 

6. Stay attuned to your child's problems and needs. 

    Strive to simplify your life. Keep in mind that one of the major reasons to keep life simple is so you'll be able to stay connected with your children. 

   By doing so, you'll under­stand their normal ups and downs, so that when they have a problem you'll be able to see the change in their behavior and help them to deal with it. 

7.Find a mutual interest. 

   As children grow up, they grow away from us as well. You can't force them to stay close, but find things to do together that will encourage a continued intimacy. 

   This is especially important with teenagers - they’ll become strangers, and can potentially get in trouble, if you don't find something you can do together. 

The earlier you establish the practice of doing things with your kids, the easier it will be to continue to be a part of their lives as they get older. 

   And the more a part of your teenager's life, the more opportunities there are to talk about serious issues such as smoking, drinking, drugs, and sex. 

8.Acknowledge their accomplishments. 

   Tell your kids how proud you are of them. Let them know you notice their efforts, no matter how small - from dressing on their own, picking up their toys, or from taking a phone message accurately, to improving their grades. 

Not only does this help to establish a bond between you and lets them know you're paying attention, but it gives them something to live up to. Never break your bond with your child. 

Would you like to add to these ways? Leave your comments below.