How to Set Limits for Your Children as a Single Parent

Whether you call them limits or rules, as a single parent you must set them, and you and only you must see to it that they are adhered to. The limits or rules must be practical and within your child's capacity to follow. And they must be consistent and expressive of your loving concern.

It is normal for children to test out limits both in words and in action. Establishing independence from adult authority is a healthy way for children to express their individuality. 

The question is how you as the parent walk the tricky line between allowing your child to express their feelings while still asserting your authority as parent and setting the necessary limits. Children need both latitude of expression and firmly enforced limits on their behavior, in a blend that results in calm, patient management.

What is Effective Discipline?

Effective discipline is essentially setting limits and maintaining the limits while at the same time tailoring the home environment to the developmental level of the child - what the child can handle - and to the individual differences among your children.

Effective discipline is to be distinguished from corporal punishment. Discipline teaches self-control and builds conscience--a sense of right and wrong. Punishment teaches that if you are bigger and stronger than someone else, you can impose your will on that person. Discipline builds a collaborative, cooperative atmosphere while punishment builds a tense authoritative atmosphere. And, punishment is short term and negative while discipline is long term and positive.

Stop Using Corporal Punishment

After making sure the child is not endangering himself or others, the next time you think about using corporal punishment, stop in your tracks, step back and sit down. Or, phone a relative or a friend. Or even better, put in your favorite CD, relax and listen to at least one track. During these few minutes consider what alternative would most effectively change the behavior as well as to further the type of relationship you would like to have with your child.

Limit setting as a disciplinary measure provides the child with the guidelines he needs for everyday behavior. It protects him from the consequences of his own passions and lack of experience and makes clear the known and prescribed consequences. It is then up to you, the parent, to enforce the consequences when your child oversteps the limits. The enforcement should be carried in a matter-of-fact way, without any anger or guilt feelings, with the child being made fully aware that the consequences are a result of his choice.

Any comments? Leave them below.

Being a Single Parent, Never Being Married, and Liking It

Being a single parent and never being married is not a stigma to be avoided. The divorce rate in the United States is in the neighborhood of forty percent. Not only that, but a divorce can be nasty and circumstances leading up to it can be psychologically and financially devastating. Moreover, both individuals may be left with "baggage" that can be carried over and easily affect future relationships.

Never Being Married and Liking It 
Never being married and liking it can be reflective of various circumstances. It could be that you are a rational person who does not let emotional responses overcome your rational responses. Maybe the idea of falling in love perhaps was never a factor in how your relationships came into being. Even though you became a single parent as a result of the relationship, you did not conclude that because you and the other person had a child together, you had to get married for the sake of the child. If you have achieved such a balance in your responses to a potential spouse, you are to be commended.

The idea of falling in love has a history of being extremely detrimental to many. When your emotions take over, you are unable to critically evaluate the person you're interested in. Thinking rationally, you might have recognized that the individual is lazy and dishonest; you might have recognized that the individual is a big spender with little knowledge of basic money management; and, you might have recognized that the individual is involved with disreputable associates. Not recognizing these character traits can lead to many years of heartaches and disappointments.

However, if you were able to recognize these characteristics and avoided marriage, then your life has been spared of such experiences and chances are you are healthier psychologically as a result.

Having a Good Support System
The other circumstance may be that after becoming a parent, you realize that you still have a good support system--your parents, other relatives, and close friends--who recognize along with you, that having a child should not necessarily hinder you in your pursuance of your goals. Consequently with that support, you set your sights on pursuing your career and only chose to have relationships with those who are supportive of you and whose goals are compatible with yours. You were satisfied with occasional movies, dinners, and recreational activities, but were willing to put limits on when it began to affect your goal seeking. Once again you are to be commended and I hope that I described you in one of my characterizations.

Never being married and liking it means that you have never experienced the loving support and marital bliss that may occur in such a relationship, but on the other hand, you never had to experience the harsh and sometimes violent experience leading up to a divorce and its unsavory aftermath.


What are your thoughts. Leave your comments below. 

21 More Steps to Get and Keep Joy in Your Life

1. Write little notes, memos, and reminders to yourself that help you stay organized and do better work.
2.  Learn to think ahead more.  It is one of the most valuable tools for happy and successful living.
3.  Listen to the signals of your body.  When you body tires, it lets you know this with a variety of clues. Delaying the rest you need may bring on an illness.
4.  Vacations help you mentally and physically.  They provide you with different sights, activities, and things to think about.  Don't skip them.
5.  Vary the place where you eat from day to day.  This adds interest and variety to your day.
6. Browse, at least once a month, for an hour or so in a good bookstore, 
7. Whenever you are disappointed about something, flash your minds back to those times and occasions when you were victorious.
8. When loneliness threatens to engulf you, remember that you remain in control.  The resources to snap out of loneliness (and the blues) are within you.
9. You can overcome loneliness by keeping busy and active.
10. To dream, to learn, to think, to work, and to laugh forms a sound philosophy of life.
11. Promise yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
12. Choose a form of exercise you can enjoy.  Then exercise that way regularly. 
13. Take five minutes now and then to daydream about your hopes, interests, goals, and activities.
14. Study how others have found the time to do a lot and achieve a great deal.
15. Take time to play.  It is the secret of perpetual youth. 
16. Check into the flea markets in your area.  They are relaxing, fun, and informative.
17. Do something creative even if you only give thirty minutes or so to it.
18. For the sake of variety, get up and go to bed at a different hour than you usually do. 
19. Reading can keep before you the vision of the ideal, prevent you from being lonely, and open a whole world of enjoyment to you.  If you can read, you are already rich.
20. Make a list of the things you enjoy.  Then add to your list continually.  This increases your pleasure-consciousness.  And pleasure neutralizes pain.
21. Get and maintain enough recreational outlets in your life.

 
      Your Comments?  What would you  add to this list?