Single Parent Strategies For Dealing With Stress

Feeling very stressed about finances and bad relationships are common in these times. And, while managing your children's behaviors can be stressful in and of itself, to combine it with these matters can push you over the edge. The following strategies can help lead you to a greater sense of peace, and to handle your parental role more effectively.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you begin to feel the stress of being uptight with your children.

1. Is it so important that the children always do things my way?
2. Can I let the children have it their own way sometimes?
3. Do I really take enough time to try to understand what the children are saying to me?
4. Do I really know what the children want and need from me?
5 .Is what I say or tell them to do really clear to them?
6. How often do I stop and listen - letting the children tell me what they think and feel - simply because they need to talk to me?
7. After I've lost control, how do I really feel about myself?
8. Can I really "make it up" to them?
9. Am I really taking my problems out on them?
10. How would I feel if someone said or did the same thing to me?

Some Stress and Tension Relievers

1. Count to 10, put the child in a safe area (crib, playpen, childproof room) and go to another room or outside for a few minutes.
2. Go into another room, close the door, then take 10 minutes to read, meditate, or do whatever relaxes you best.
3. Lie on the floor with your feet up on a chair; place a cool wash cloth on your face; and think of the most peaceful scene you can imagine. Stay there for 5 minutes.
4. Tell your children exactly what is making you tense. Be really specific about what behavior needs to be changed in order to reduce your stress level.
5. After you've put the children down for a nap, forget what you "should" be doing. Take some time for yourself to relax - sleep, read, listen to music, take a bath - whatever makes you feel fresh again.
6. Designate a corner, chair or some quiet spot as a "time-out" place where you can go when you feel like losing your temper. Designate a separate one for your children. It gives both of you a few minutes to calm down, and it tells the other person that you are getting tense.
7. Save a special, quiet plaything to be used only at certain times. It will be a treat for your children, and will provide some quiet time for you.

When things are going well, pass out rewards.

1. Compliment and reward the children for the good things, such as being quiet, not fighting, not whining, cleaning up.
2. Let the children know when their behavior is making you happy.
3. Hug the children and say "I love you."
4. Say "thanks" for small favors.
5. Treat the children and yourself to something special for doing so well.

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How all Single Parents can Manage Time for Personal Growth and Productivity

As a single parent who solely has to meet the needs of your children the three culprits: procrastinations, interruptions, and distractions has to be identified and managed otherwise they will destroy your personal development and productivity efforts.

Procrastinations often arise because psychologically you don't want to do the task and consequently you keep putting it off. 

You either perceive the task as being too difficult, too aggravating, too provoking or all three and try to avoid doing it. However, avoidance is not the solution and the longer you put it off, the more anxious you will become. 

The solution is psychological in nature. You need to relax, visualize the most positive and constructive outcome you can, and then focus on the steps necessary to make the outcome a reality. Take the steps and then be pleasantly surprised at what happens.

Interruptions can be phone calls, someone wanting to visit, or any unanticipated event. Interruptions, however, can be prevented. If you're working at home consider structuring your day and vow to stick to your structure.

Break your day down into time/task segments. For example, if according to your body clock, you are typically alert and do your best mentally challenging work in the morning do it even if you work outside your home.Then when your children come home from school you have the energy and composure to make sure that they adhere to the structure that you have set.

Allow time in the evening to have dinner with your children, helping them with their homework, and listening to their concerns. Afterwards engage in an activity that is personally satisfying and relaxing. Let your children know that you will be setting this time aside for yourself.

Distractions are the result of an undisciplined mind. Distractions principally happen as a matter of choice. You can choose to dwell on the argument you had with a friend or an acquaintance or you can choose to be distracted by unexpected events  instead of focusing on your tasks. The choice is yours.

While procrastinations are also a matter of choice, distractions are even more so. Procrastinations might indeed be associated with having to deal with an unsavory experience such as having to discontinue a relationship, reveal some other type of bad news to someone, or just doing something you just don't want to do but has to be done. 

Distractions on the other hand tend to result from an idle mind - a mind without a focus. Choosing to focus and act on constructive tasks with a strong desire to do so until you complete them eliminates distractions.

Your personal development as well as your productivity depends upon you clearly identifying these three culprits and taking the steps to eliminate them. 

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10 Tips For Staying Mentally Healthy for All Single Parents

Enjoying mental health means having a sense of well-being, being able to function during everyday life and feeling confident to rise to a challenge when the opportunity arises. 

Just like your physical health, there are actions you can take to increase your mental health. Now, boost your well-being and stay mentally healthy by following these 10 Tips for Staying Mentally Healthy:

1. Connect with others. 
Develop and maintain strong relationships with people around you who will support and enrich your life. The quality of your personal relationships has a great effect on your well-being. Putting time and effort into building strong relationships can bring great rewards.

2.   Take time to have fun. 

Set aside time for activities, hobbies and projects you enjoy. Let yourself be spontaneous and creative when the urge takes you. Do a crossword puzzle; take a walk in your local park; read a book; draw pictures with your kids; play with your pets - do whatever you like.

3.  Participate and share interests. 
Join a club or group of people who share your interests. Being part of a group of people with a common interest provides a sense of belonging and is good for your mental health. Join a  a dance class; a theater group; or a book club.

4. Contribute to your community. 
Volunteer your time for a cause or issue that you care about and get your children involved. Help out a neighbor, work in a community garden, or do something nice for a trend. There are many great ways to contribute that can help you feel good about yourself and your place in the world. An effort to improve the lives of others is sure to improve your life too.

5.  Take Care of Yourself
Be active and eat well - these help maintain a healthy body. Physical and mental health are closely linked; it's easier to feel good about life if your body feels good. You don't have to go to the gym to exercise - gardening, vacuuming, and dancing all count. Combine physical activity with a balanced diet to nourish your body and mind and keep you feeling good, inside and out.

6. Challenge yourself. 
Learn a new skill or take on a challenge to meet a goal. You could take on something different at work; commit to a fitness goal or learn to cook a new recipe. Learning improves your mental fitness, while striving to meet your own goals builds skills and confidence and gives you a sense of progress and achievement.

7. Deal with stress. 
Be aware of what triggers your stress and how you react. You may be able to avoid some of the triggers and learn to prepare for or manage others. Stress is a part of life and affects people in different ways. It only becomes a problem when it makes you feel uncomfortable or distressed. A balanced lifestyle can help you manage stress better. If you have trouble winding down, you may find that relaxation breathing or meditation can help.

8.    Rest and refresh. 
Get adequate sleep. Go to bed at a regular time each day and practice good habits to get better sleep. Sleep restores both your mind and body. However, feelings of fatigue can still set in if you feel constantly rushed and overwhelmed when you are awake. Allow yourself some unfocused time each day to refresh. For example, let your mind wander or just daydream for a while. It's OK to add 'do nothing' to your to-do list!

9. Notice the here and now. 
Take a moment to notice each of your senses each day. Simply be in the moment - feel the sun and wind on your face and notice the air you are breathing. It's easy to be caught up thinking about the past or planning for the future instead of experiencing the present. Practicing mindfulness, by focusing your attention on being in the moment, is a good way to do this. Making a conscious effort to be aware of your inner and outer world is important for your mental health.

10.  Ask for help. 
This can be as simple as speaking to your doctor or your friend about where to find a counselor or community mental health service. The perfect, worry-free life does not exist. Everyone's life journey has bumps and the people around you can help. If you don't get the help you need first off, keep asking until you do.

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Seven Things Single Parents Must Juggle Successfully

It is fascinating to watch professional jugglers keep multiple plates, bottles or whatever in the air without dropping them. In the same context it is fascinating to watch how a competent single parent is able to successfully juggle all the demands associated with raising two or more children alone and still maintain poise and serenity.

In my view there are seven things that successful single parents have learned to do well:

1.           housekeeping or homemaking

2.           managing children's schedules and obligations,

3.           finding time to pursue personal growth,

4.           maintaining healthy, supportive relationships,

5.           handling work obligations,

6.           finding time for rest and rejuvenation,

7.           and, regularly engaging in fun, enjoyable activities.

To do each of these things requires you to be able to manage your time, set up a schedule, stick to it, and become well disciplined.

Each of the seven things is important and requires serious thought and consideration.

Good housekeeping means keeping each room organized and maintained for the purpose it serves. If a room is to serve multiple purposes, then that must be communicated to the children so that if a part of the kitchen is to be used for doing homework, then after homework is completed, the child has to gather up his books and materials and put them in the area in which they belong.

Managing your children's schedules and obligations are not only important for their well-being and development, but also for you to keep disciplinary issues at a minimum. Children who know what to do and when to do it and get praised for doing so, will pose fewer disciplinary problems.

Finding time to pursue personal growth is essential. It doesn't matter whether it's exercising, reading, taking a class or whatever, the key is that you are looking ahead to the time when you will have an empty nest and your children will not be the center of your life. At that time you may decide to pursue new a new relationship or a new career.

Maintaining healthy, supportive relationships is an essential element for maintaining good mental health. It is important to have a supportive social network whether it includes your relatives, friends or neighbors.

Work obligations can be stressful. If you have a job that is not stressful and you work in a pleasant environment, you should be very thankful. The main thing is to leave the work issues at the workplace. Don't bring them home. Your children need a calm, disciplined parent.

Rest and rejuvenation is important just to be able to maintain good health and do the seven things you need to do. Try to get at least six hours of sound sleep so that you can be alert and focused the next day.

And finally, find time to regularly engage in fun, enjoyable activities. Having fun is a need that is just as important as being free of unhealthy, destructive relationships. Accept being single as a positive and allow time for fun whether it's enjoying something alone or with good friends.



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One Best Way All Single Parents Can Help Their Children Acquire High Self-Esteem

laSelf-esteem is best described as one's estimation of oneself. If someone has low self-esteem or high self-esteem it can be readily identified in his behavior, his appearance, his relationship with others, and his approach to tasks and challenges. Building your child's self-esteem has to be an essential task for you to embrace as your child's parent as well as doing it the right way.

As one who has counseled parents and children professionally, in my opinion, the best way to help your child with his self-esteem is to begin by carefully observing and recognizing your child's strengths, talents, and abilities. Providing stimulating activities, recognizing your child's talents and abilities, building your child's sense of self worth and knowing your child's strengths all derive from this activity.

Provide Stimulating Activities

As he emerges from early childhood you will begin to see him become more self expressive. This is especially so if you have exposed him to a variety of stimulating activities consistently doing his early years. If you have exposed your child adequately and the home environment is conducive to learning, you'll begin to see some talents and abilities associated with his interests begin to emerge.

Recognize Your Child’s Talents and Abilities

Your child may then begin to show talent in music, athletics, math, reading, art, dance or whatever. Herein lies an opportunity to acknowledge this talent and legitimately praise and encourage your child to expand on what he seems able to do so easily. This is one of the best ways to build your child's self-esteem.

Build Your Child’s Sense of Self worth

This builds a foundation of belief in himself based on real life abilities and gives your child a sense of self-worth that will carry on into other areas as he progresses through life. As self-esteem begin on the inside, this belief in oneself based on real life abilities works to eliminate self-defeating thoughts and statements which is the basis of low self-esteem and causes so much emotional pain. Praising your child is extremely important, but it must be based on reality.

Know Your Child’s Strengths  

As your child's parent, never become so absorbed in yourself, your relationships, or your job, whereas you just view your child as a burden and neglect observing your child with the intention of learning your child's strengths, talents, and abilities. Keep in mind that you are the most important adult in your child's life. In order to genuinely improve your child's self-esteem you must help your child to understand that he can't control what goes on the outside, but he can control what goes on the inside.

Be the cheerleader for your child. Give him the capacity to stand upon his abilities and to accept failures as a learning experience that leads to future successes.


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How to Set Limits for Your Children as a Single Parent

Whether you call them limits or rules, as a single parent you must set them, and you and only you must see to it that they are adhered to. The limits or rules must be practical and within your child's capacity to follow. And they must be consistent and expressive of your loving concern.

It is normal for children to test out limits both in words and in action. Establishing independence from adult authority is a healthy way for children to express their individuality. 

The question is how you as the parent walk the tricky line between allowing your child to express their feelings while still asserting your authority as parent and setting the necessary limits. Children need both latitude of expression and firmly enforced limits on their behavior, in a blend that results in calm, patient management.

What is Effective Discipline?

Effective discipline is essentially setting limits and maintaining the limits while at the same time tailoring the home environment to the developmental level of the child - what the child can handle - and to the individual differences among your children.

Effective discipline is to be distinguished from corporal punishment. Discipline teaches self-control and builds conscience--a sense of right and wrong. Punishment teaches that if you are bigger and stronger than someone else, you can impose your will on that person. Discipline builds a collaborative, cooperative atmosphere while punishment builds a tense authoritative atmosphere. And, punishment is short term and negative while discipline is long term and positive.

Stop Using Corporal Punishment

After making sure the child is not endangering himself or others, the next time you think about using corporal punishment, stop in your tracks, step back and sit down. Or, phone a relative or a friend. Or even better, put in your favorite CD, relax and listen to at least one track. During these few minutes consider what alternative would most effectively change the behavior as well as to further the type of relationship you would like to have with your child.

Limit setting as a disciplinary measure provides the child with the guidelines he needs for everyday behavior. It protects him from the consequences of his own passions and lack of experience and makes clear the known and prescribed consequences. It is then up to you, the parent, to enforce the consequences when your child oversteps the limits. The enforcement should be carried in a matter-of-fact way, without any anger or guilt feelings, with the child being made fully aware that the consequences are a result of his choice.

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Being a Single Parent, Never Being Married, and Liking It

Being a single parent and never being married is not a stigma to be avoided. The divorce rate in the United States is in the neighborhood of forty percent. Not only that, but a divorce can be nasty and circumstances leading up to it can be psychologically and financially devastating. Moreover, both individuals may be left with "baggage" that can be carried over and easily affect future relationships.

Never Being Married and Liking It 
Never being married and liking it can be reflective of various circumstances. It could be that you are a rational person who does not let emotional responses overcome your rational responses. Maybe the idea of falling in love perhaps was never a factor in how your relationships came into being. Even though you became a single parent as a result of the relationship, you did not conclude that because you and the other person had a child together, you had to get married for the sake of the child. If you have achieved such a balance in your responses to a potential spouse, you are to be commended.

The idea of falling in love has a history of being extremely detrimental to many. When your emotions take over, you are unable to critically evaluate the person you're interested in. Thinking rationally, you might have recognized that the individual is lazy and dishonest; you might have recognized that the individual is a big spender with little knowledge of basic money management; and, you might have recognized that the individual is involved with disreputable associates. Not recognizing these character traits can lead to many years of heartaches and disappointments.

However, if you were able to recognize these characteristics and avoided marriage, then your life has been spared of such experiences and chances are you are healthier psychologically as a result.

Having a Good Support System
The other circumstance may be that after becoming a parent, you realize that you still have a good support system--your parents, other relatives, and close friends--who recognize along with you, that having a child should not necessarily hinder you in your pursuance of your goals. Consequently with that support, you set your sights on pursuing your career and only chose to have relationships with those who are supportive of you and whose goals are compatible with yours. You were satisfied with occasional movies, dinners, and recreational activities, but were willing to put limits on when it began to affect your goal seeking. Once again you are to be commended and I hope that I described you in one of my characterizations.

Never being married and liking it means that you have never experienced the loving support and marital bliss that may occur in such a relationship, but on the other hand, you never had to experience the harsh and sometimes violent experience leading up to a divorce and its unsavory aftermath.


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